Pollution Will Kill Olympic Athletes

Panel says short term exposure to pollution does long term damage
Ethiopian runner pulls out of Beijing Olympic race over air quality fears

Inebriated Press
April 28, 2008

A National Academy of sciences panel concluded last week that short-term exposure to ozone pollution is directly linked to poor health in humans.  The committee said that pollution and early death were connected.  Ethiopian runner Haile Gebrselassia, an asthmatic, pulled out of the 42-kilometer Olympic marathon run, but said he would still participate in the shorter 10-kilometer run.  Critics are debating whether China intends to take over the world with its military, economic power or simply through Darwinism, by surviving pollution that others can’t.

“The Chinese are using the Olympics as a case study to determine how weak the lungs of Western people really are and may eventually rule the world by surviving the highly polluted atmosphere of the future, while everyone else dies off,” said anthropologist and part time gynecologist Lacey Cann, a brilliant scientist widely known for her theory on massive world population growth beginning in an era of hyper-sex she calls ‘The Real Big Bang’.  “The Chinese are long-term thinkers and planners, and unlike the Germans who tried to conquer the world militarily and through genocide, the Chinese are gradually becoming a global economic power through manufacturing, economics and general heartiness.  They already have the world’s largest population and will place a man on the moon soon.  They are building up their military and have nuclear weapons.  Now they’re building their resistance to pollution both naturally and through DNA boosting.  They are big believers in Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest, but also believe, like he did, that you can manipulate your species through hybridization and genetic modification.  The West will get a taste of it when they get their asses kicked in that environment at the Beijing Olympic Games this summer.”

Not everyone thinks China will take over the world because of air pollution.  “China isn’t the only country that’s highly polluted, even though they are currently number one in creating the highest amount of it in the world,” said Larry Peabody, a U.S. postal recipient known for receiving an inordinate number of deliveries in plan brown wrapping.  “Los Angeles is terribly polluted and half its population is made of illegal aliens and the other half is made of Hollywood types.  They may not be athletic, but they’ll survive anything the Chinese can dish out.”

WebMD reported last week that a National Academy of sciences panel believes that short-term exposure to ozone pollution is directly linked to bad human health, batting down White House contentions that the link between pollution and early death was unclear.  Ozone is the main component of smog and is released to the environment mostly from cars, trucks, machine engines, and factories.  Environmental agencies and health groups have long recognized the link between breathing smog pollution and declining human health.  For the first time, National Academy’s experts decided to weigh in on the debate. 

MarketWatch reported last week that Ethiopian runner Gebrselassia pulled out of the 42-kilometer Olympic marathon fearful about the air pollution in Beijing, even though Gebrselassia, an asthmatic, said he would still participate in the shorter 10-kilometer run.  The article said that earlier this month, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) said a set of data collected at test events last year, and feedback from athletes’ physicians, showed that one year ahead of the Games, the health of athletes was “largely not impaired.”  The IOC said its Medical Commission found there “may be some risk” to the outdoor events and that it was working with international sports federations to put in place procedures to allow a contingency “Plan B” for these events, if necessary.  It didn’t detail the plan.  Some pundits say that Chinese veterinarians will be available to ‘put down’ athletes’ who collapse during the events.

“China is a very compassionate yet a decisive country that recognizes the importance of ending the life of any animal or human that is uncomfortable but isn’t suffering as the result of political torture for the good of the motherland, and believes, like the administrators of Church Hill Downs, that a badly injured race horse or a territory like Tibet, should be quickly euthanized when China’s leaders believe it’s necessary,” said Wi Du Whatwewant, China’s Director of Population Development, Control and Annihilation.  “Western athletes may not be as hardy as ours due to the soft lifestyles and easy breathing they experience in their countries, but we believe we’ll only have to cap 3-5% of them during the Games.  We do more than that to our own people just to keep civil disobedience low.  It’s not a big deal.”

In other news, the UK Telegraph reported last week that Los Angeles is now a ‘Third World city’.  The paper cited a new study by the Migration Policy Institute showing that immigrants make up half its workforce and a third of them have not graduated from high school and 60 per cent do not speak English fluently.  It said this left immigrants ill-equipped to fill California’s fastest-growing occupations, such as computer software engineering and nursing. The organization added that as the so-called baby boomers reach retirement age, a similar pattern will spread across the US.  No word on whether pollution will contain the immigrant population or whether the baby boomers have adapted to it, or if a new hyper-sex big bang is in the offing.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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