Tricky Questions Boost Your Intelligence

Why are ghosts seen wearing clothes?

Inebriated Press
April 30, 2008

Researchers say that brain exercises designed to improve working memory also increase scores in fluid intelligence.  And top paranormal researchers have been pondering the age-old question: Why Are Ghosts Seen Wearing Clothes?  Theories about mind over matter and pumping up brain cells rattle around the globe.

“My IQ has jumped over twenty points in just four months of wondering why people who see ghosts always describe them as wearing things like sheets or old curtains,” said Racy Lacy, a buxom blonde bombshell who pulls car engines as a hobby and rewires houses for a living.  “I like to stay sharp so I think about wacky shit.  It’s cool.”

Some people think that pondering the imponderable makes no sense and can’t possibly make brain cells more muscular.  “Think what you want, you’re not juicing your brain by guessing about nonsense, it can’t work that way.  At the very least you’ve got to use some kind of medicinal stimulant,” said Chemy Byproduct, a sales rep for Dow Chemical and a legend in his own mind.  “I’ve smoked some knockout stuff that had to have enhanced my brain because I saw ghosts with and without clothes and I’d still be dating one of them if I hadn’t run out of the good shit.  But just thinking hard about it didn’t do a dang thing for me.”

CBS News reported yesterday that WebMD says an intense game of Concentration or other demanding memory task might kick your intelligence up a notch or two, and the more you engage your brain this way, the smarter you might become.  Researchers reporting in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences say that brain exercises designed to improve working memory also increase scores in fluid intelligence. 

Fluid intelligence is the ability to reason and solve new problems.  The findings challenge current beliefs that the only way to increase fluid intelligence scores is by directly practicing on the tests used to calculate the score.  Researchers say this opens a wide range of new applications in education.

According to ghosts and the clothes they wear have long been a snickering question.  It’s a sort of “gotcha” thing debunkers use, and it may tell more about the way ghosts are interpreted than anything about them.  Some people say ghosts appear as wearing clothes because that’s how they choose to appear to us.  Others say that in our era, clothes are part of what we are, so we project on them clothing.  Others argue that ghosts can show themselves in whatever form they want and in this way they use clothes to give us information about who the ghosts are and what lives they had.  There are some reports of nude ghosts, but they are few and far between.   

“I’d been trying to imagine a five dimensional isosceles triangle for twelve days without food or water, when suddenly the naked ghost of Albert Einstein appeared and told me to cut it out and behave myself,” said Harry Reid, a U.S. Senator well known for imagining things and supporting bills that few living people would touch.  “I never did conjure up the triangle but I’ve seen things in the Congress that would scare the shit out of most people.  But I suppose that’s true of anybody who spends much time around Nancy Pelosi or Hillary Clinton like I do.” 

In other news, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s administration asked lawmakers in California to approve $7 billion in new spending to improve medical and mental healthcare in California prisons.  No word on how they plan to pay for it, but the rumor is they’ve been thinking really hard, and feel pretty clever.

(C) 2008

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