Monthly Archives: May 2008

Hillary’s Pledge

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Finding Martian Signals and Breast Implants

Lost and Found: Tales of Martians and Silicon

Inebriated Press
May 30, 2008

The New York Times reported yesterday that the lost satellite radio signal from the Mars Phoenix lander has been restored and the UK Telegraph reported Wednesday that a pair of silicon breast implants are among the items people lost in London’s transportation system. A new era of “lost and found” is upon us and the stuff that dreams are made of shifts beneath our feet like tales told by presidential candidates.

“I’m not sure how I lost my inflatable dolls and breast implants on the bus because I’m usually very attached to them,” said London’s own Barbi Barbi, a thickly muscled blonde whose sexy voice is never lost in translation. “Now the harpoon gun and gas mask is another story because I loaned those to a guy I was with and he should have paid attention to where he put them down. The party won’t be the same if we don’t have all the proper components.”

Some people think that things get lost because deep down we want to lose them. “I lost five pounds on Weight Watchers and two guys who were following me in a bar, all on purpose. But I also lost the Queen for a Day competition at the Jo-Blo Stripper Club because deep down I don’t feel queen-like even though my bod kicks ass,” said Candi Apple-Redd, a clinical psychiatrist who makes most of her money stripping and psychoanalyzing guys at the club. “You remember what you really want to remember and you forget and lose the things that you’d rather forget and lose. The Mars rover signal was lost because the guy running it was pissed that he didn’t get Memorial Day weekend off. The Queen for a Day winner got it because I took a dive and had a sock stuck to the side of one boob. It was a mental thing. Everything is. All the stuff you do or pretend to do is driven by what’s going on in your subconscious. That’s why Obama doesn’t remember that Reverend Wright is a racist America-hater and Hillary thinks she was under sniper fire in Bosnia. You make your reality what you want, sometimes on purpose, sometimes by accident. I think that’s why I have a tattoo that says ‘eat at Joes’ on my ass. I’m still not sure what it means though.”

The New York Times reported that the UHF radio on the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter satellite shut down on Tuesday, blocking communications between mission controllers and the newly arrived spacecraft. It was restored Wednesday evening. The cause of the glitch is undetermined, according to a NASA statement. During the radio silence, the lander carried out instructions that had been sent on Monday. Mission officials said that they expected to begin unlimbering the robotic arm, and to begin digging in the soil within days. The shoveling craft will search for ice under the surface and cook soil in a special oven designed to determine the chemical composition of the sampled materials. Scientists hope to find the kinds of organic compounds that would suggest that life has existed, or could exist, on Mars. Some pundits say NASA is imagining that life was there because it’s what they want to believe, and that no real evidence is present.

The UK Telegraph newspaper reported that breast implants are among the property lost by travelers on London transport systems. The article said that a stuffed puffer fish, a harpoon gun, gas masks, inflatable dolls and a pair of breast implants are waiting to be reunited with careless owners who left them behind on trains, buses and taxis. There is also an extensive array of prosthetic limbs and false teeth, urns of ashes and a postcard dating from 1908. A record 170,000 items of lost property were left on the capital’s transport network over the last year including 32,268 books, 27,946 bags and 25,802 items of clothing. Among the items successfully returned to their owners was a bag containing two human skulls. Police were alarmed at the grisly find but the skulls turned out to belong, quite legitimately, to a university professor who used them in lectures. Equally innocently, a suitcase containing £10,000 in cash turned out to belong to an elderly gentleman who didn’t trust banks and carried his savings with him. Some people say that a lot of things get found but go unreported because no one wants to admit what they are.

“Martians with silicon breast implants temporarily blocked NASA’s UHF radio signal but there’s no way that anyone will admit that’s what’s going on,” said Wolf Mulliner, a part-time conspiracy theorist who earns a living working as a Democrat Party operative and weight lifter. “Martian babes are hot and their boobs are naturally made of silicon, the implants are only there to act as antenna to pick up and translate radio signals. That’s the real reason silicon implants are used in earth women. It’s part of a Martian conspiracy and how Martian government officials eavesdrop on earthlings and learn about our culture as they make plans to invade. The only thing that’s stopped them from taking over the world so far is that most of the implants they’re listening to are in hookers and strippers and the Martian’s view of earthmen are that they’re all drunk and constantly giving money to women for favors. They think earth society may dissolve on its own.”

In related news, media following Democrat candidates for president continue to find wild stories with Barack Obama saying his Uncle liberated Jews from Auschwitz — which could be true if his Uncle is a white Russian. And Hillary Clinton says she needs to stay in the race because there’s still time for Obama to be assassinated. She cited the Robert Kennedy killing as a ‘good’ example. No word on whether either Barack or Hillary think Martians are planning to invade, but both have found plenty of other self-generated baggage that they now prefer to lose.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Panties for Peace and Environmentally Friendly Bombs

The quest for better living through mind games

Inebriated Press
May 30, 2008

The Canadian Press reported Wednesday that organizers of Panties for Peace! are asking women to volunteer their underwear in an effort to shame Myanmar’s leaders into giving citizens greater access to humanitarian aid and human rights. And Yahoo! News reported Tuesday that scientists in Germany are working on environmentally friendly explosives for the military. Efforts to free people and improve the planet grow increasingly counterintuitive but are fun anyway.

“I was thinking of throwing out all my panties and living a more free and easy lifestyle and when I learned that I can help the people of Myanmar by mailing my underwear to the government, I got right on it,” said CeCe Clearly, a slender brunette department store manager with ‘Live Free or Die’ tattooed below her navel. “And what’s not to like about environmentally friendly explosives that reduce toxic gases while still ripping soldiers flesh to bits? I’m just awash in panty-less environmentalism and ripe as a tomato.”

Not everyone thinks foreign governments will give up power when women’s underwear turns up in the mail or that dangerous explosives will ever be considered friendly to anyone let alone the environment. “If we think that sending old panties to military dictatorships will bend them to our will and that bombs can be made friendly, we’re smoking some pretty strong stuff,” said U. R. Nutts, a muscular brown carpenter who tends to live in the real world because it pays better. “I admit that if a woman came by the job site and tossed her panties at me and climbed one of our ladders, I’d probably be influenced to examine the merchandize and contemplate aspects of human rights and open access, but I still wouldn’t change my form of personal governance.”

The Canadian Press reported that Canadian women are being asked to volunteer their undergarments in an international effort to shame Myanmar’s ruling junta into giving citizens greater access to humanitarian aid and human rights. Organizers launched the Canadian edition of the Panties for Peace! campaign Tuesday with a call for women to send their underwear to the Myanmar embassy in Ottawa. The campaign plays off regional superstitions that contact with women’s panties can sap a man’s power. Activists claim the fear is shared by the leaders of the country’s military regime. Spearheaded by a pro-democracy group based in Thailand, the campaign was launched in the fall to draw attention to human rights abuses against women in the country. According to the campaign’s organizers, Myanmar’s embassies in Europe, Australia and Brazil, among other places, have been receiving female underpants in the mail.

Yahoo! News reported that TNT, RDX and other explosives commonly used in military and industrial applications often generate toxic gases upon detonation that pollute the environment. To make safer, more environmentally friendly explosives, scientists in Germany turned to a recently explored class of materials called tetrazoles. These derive most of their explosive energy from nitrogen instead of carbon as TNT and others do. Tiny bombs were made from two promising tetrazoles with the alphabet-soup names of HBT and G2ZT. In initial experiments, G2ZT and HBT produced fewer toxic byproducts than common explosives. Still, they did generate some dangerous hydrogen cyanide gas. Nonetheless the scientists believe the compounds have great potential, “especially for large caliber naval and tank guns.” Some pundits believe the world would be a better place if we just stopped making explosives and underwear altogether.

“Freedom is best enjoyed in a world without bombs, guns and close fitting garments, and to that end I’m establishing a new political party called Bold Americans Respecting Environments And Saving Society (BAREASS),” said Misty Mind-Meld, a broad-chested big-assed peace activist and Star Trek fan whose only real fear is the Klingon’s. “Once people understand the BAREASS platform they’ll chuck away Republicans and Democrats and destroy the nations weapons, boxers and briefs and usher in a new age of peace and public nudity. We’ll balance the federal budget annually by selling calendars with nude pictures of good looking public officials and sell the contract rights to BAREASS Party conventions to Hollywood. Initially there may be some skeptics but what the heck, Americans elected Bill Clinton president twice, and are about to elect a one-term Senator from Illinois with no governing experience who wants to raise our taxes so he can give billions to the United Nations to distribute. And you think I’m crazy.”

In other news, AFP reported yesterday that actress Sharon Stone apologized to China for saying that the recent earthquake in that country was the result of bad karma due to China’s treatment of Tibet. On the heels of her initial remarks China had announced that all Sharon Stone movies would be boycotted. No word on whether Stone has mailed her panties to Myanmar yet or if it’s true that she’s planning to run for the U.S. presidency as a BAREASS candidate.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Barack Obama and Childhood Obesity Level Off

Critics debate whether it’s good or bad

Inebriated Press
May 29, 2008

Associated Press reported yesterday that presidential candidate Barack Obama trails Republican candidate John McCain in several key groups of the electorate but remains competitive in others. After a fast rise in popularity Obama’s ratings have leveled off and he’s even lost key primaries to Democrat challenger, Hillary Clinton. And International Herald Tribune reported that childhood obesity in the U.S. has plateaued after trending higher in the ’80s and ’90’s. As hot candidates go cool and obesity trends go thin pundits are left wondering whether it’s good or bad.

“I think it’s a disaster in the making because we need strong liberal candidates to move the U.S. to the left and chunky kids to keep up the pressure on Congress to enact more federal mandates that require taxes and government control. No American should be making decisions on their own and have to figure out how to live their lives; it’s critical that government tell us what to do,” said Lefty Moore, a closet socialist who slips out occasionally to vote, eat beef jerky and read Maxim. “We’ve got to get the socialist, I mean Democrat party, united and stop the infighting so we can get a good black man and white woman combo working together to knock off the old white guy from the retirement community in Arizona. By knock off I mean defeat in the election, not shot like Hillary’s reference to Robert Kennedy. And I don’t mean a sense of defeat like the feeling that there’s nothing to be proud of in America unless Barack is elected, like Michelle Obama talked about. And people need to stop bringing up the lapel pin thing because Barack only wears pins of causes that he likes, and he’ll wear one again when he’s president. Gosh I feel tired. Where’s my Maxim.”

Other pundits think that the new trends are putting America on the right track. “The leveling off of obesity among U.S. kids is great and the plateauing of the Democrat candidates is also a good thing. Both show that common sense is returning to the country and people are starting to feed their kids better and their minds too,” said Holly Wright, a conservative thinking blonde with a tendency to act with her head rather than rely on interesting fads and novelty products. “Heck even the French have elected a conservative because liberal politics has bankrupted their country. Why would we want to elect Democrats who will establish more government programs and federal control plus give billions of our tax dollars to the United Nations and increase my taxes while reducing my freedom? We’ve been sliding left as it is and we have less personal freedom today than when the country was founded, and obviously more taxes. The federal government wasn’t even allowed to tax citizens in 1776. Consciousness is good kids, let’s keep waking up!”

Associated Press reported that Barack Obama has done poorly in the Democratic primaries with women, Catholics and others who will be pivotal in this fall‘s presidential election. Yet early polling shows that with several groups he remains competitive with Republican John McCain. In an Associated Press-Yahoo News poll last month, about a quarter of Clinton supporters and one in six white Democrats who have not finished college said they would back McCain should Obama be the Democratic nominee, with roughly a quarter of each undecided. Obama trails Clinton by 24 points among voters age 65 and older. McCain is well ahead of Obama in the Gallup and Quinnipiac polls, but they‘re about even in the CBS/Times poll.

International Herald Tribune reported that childhood obesity, which has been on the rise for more than two decades, appears to have hit a plateau in the United States. In 1980, 6.5 percent of children from 6 to 11 years old were obese, but by 1994 that number had climbed to 11.3 percent. By 2002, the number had jumped to 16.3 percent, but it has now appeared to have stabilized around 17 percent. In fact, the number of children who fall into the obese category decreased from 17.1 percent to 15.5 percent between the 2003 and 2006 surveys. It was not clear whether the lull in childhood weight gain was permanent or even whether it was the result of public anti-obesity efforts to limit junk food and increase physical activity in schools. Some people think physical activity and individual freedom are the keys to better living.

“There’s never been a government on earth that established the kinds of individual freedom and human rights that the founders of United States put in place to allow us to pursue our own happiness, and it’s not only created happy people, it’s resulted in the greatest economic and military power in the history of the world. We would be morons to trade that away for some promise of free healthcare through higher taxes and less freedom of choice,” said Buxom Blonde-Bombshell, a healthy American girl who lives up to her name and acts on her right to pursue happiness daily but especially on weekends. “Sure I think it’s good to help poor people and that we should have some programs to assist those who can’t help themselves; but every government guarantee to someone means I have to fund the program, the government bureaucracy that manages it and follow new rules that establish federal controls for compliance. Why don’t we just fix the programs we have and fine-tune them if we think they aren’t working well enough? Why does a new program always have to be invented because the existing one is a mess? Sometimes I think political parties just invent scams to take my money and freedom under the guise of being helpful. Let me pursue happiness the way I want and let’s drop all the controls and bullshit. Just thinking about this stuff gets my panties in a bunch and I don’t wear them as often as I used to.”

In other news, Space.com reported Tuesday that a spacecraft orbiting Mars has photographed the Phoenix Mars Lander on the surface of the red planet. Phoenix landed in the north polar region of Mars in the Vastitas Borealis plains on Sunday evening. The $420-million mission, which launched in August, plans to dig down to the rock-hard layers of water ice thought to lie under the Martian soil near the planet’s north pole. It will test the soil and ice for signs that the water was once liquid to see if it could have created a habitable zone for microbial life at some point in the past. No word on whether orbiting NASA spacecraft have spotted any intelligent life in U.S. political parties, but recent studies show an ongoing trend in government toward greater bureaucratic obesity combined with a decrease in citizens’ individual freedoms.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Well Hung Meat and Perfect Robot Women

Organic Meat and Artificial Intelligence

Inebriated Press
May 29, 2008

MeatFYI.com reported yesterday that Geoff Sayers of The Well Hung Meat Company is now an “Organic Hero.” The article said he has won numerous awards including the Gold at the Taste of the West. And Gizmo Watch reported that Robot LISA is slated for a June 11th release and can recharge and dress herself and is able to detect and react to speech, touch and visual stimuli. As high-touch and high-tech trends continue to ramp up, the debate over the value of ‘natural’ keeps growing.

“It’s hard to beat organic meat and artificial women when it comes to good health and a remote control relationship,” said Flip Switch-Bio, a studly electrician who exercises, eats right and prefers fake relationships over real ones. “I keep my body fit and only put natural things into it. But when it comes to women I’d prefer a good robot broad with a programmable attitude and latex parts that bend to my will. Real women are too needy. I like fake ones that do what I want and switch off when I want to do something else. I’m a guy with simple tastes and a love of technology.”

Some people think Flip’s simple taste is from a simple mind and that in the long run he’ll wind up empty and alone. “I love well hung meat and I admit a bit of latex now and then is okay in the right context, but I say no to fake relationships and simple guys,” said Annie Lazor, a paramedic whose penetrating eyes and real breasts have been known to lift and separate true men from imagined ones. “I’ve had some bad relationships and have known guys who think they can turn me on and off like a switch. The man I’m with now understands that I’m a living, breathing organic being and properly respected the complexity I bring will do more for him than a pail of latex bound with electronics. Our love is real and a free and fair trade. Neither of us do fake. Real is risky and tactile and earthy. Real is more fun.”

MeatFYI.com reported that Well Hung Meat was endorsed as one of Rick Stein’s Food Heroes and has won numerous awards including Gold at both the Taste of the West Awards 2007 and the Soil Association Organic food awards 2006. A producer of organic meats, The Well Hung Meat Company started life on Carswell Farm in South Devon, England. Geoff Sayers entered the meat from his farm into the Soil Association Organic Food Awards in 2001 and 2002, winning both times and inspiring him to start the company. Sayers said he started The Well Hung Meat Co. to try to reduce some of the ‘natural’ but unnecessary waste in farming and to give his carefully husbanded sheep a chance to be processed properly. He recently founded “Holy Cow” cottage and cream cheeses.

Gizmo Watch reported yesterday that LISA, a robotic product from AI Robotics, is a lady with no mood swings, doesn’t throw tantrums if asked to run errands, offers a divine massage without acting ‘hard to get’ and is full of energy all through the day. Reports suggest that this ‘perfect woman’ can speak about everything under the sun, right from politics and religion to music and culture. Capable of recharging and dressing up herself, the bot has an impressive IQ of 130. The article said a proprietary RKS (Recognition Krax System) technology brings her as close to reality as possible. She can detect and react to speech, touch and visual stimuli. Additionally, LISA can make sense of colors, gestures, shapes, etc. and learn incessantly through wireless internet. LISA is slated for a June 11th release. Some experts say that nothing in the universe is artificial.

“Everything that exists in physical space is a combination of ingredients that are already in that space but may be in a slightly different configuration; that’s the only real difference,” said Blu Steele, a sturdy scientist who thinks the concept of bioethics has less meaning on earth than chewing gum. “Ethics are ethics and the concept of natural and artificial are merely theoretical ways to try and divide up stuff so we can debate it. All things are both real and imagined and the stuff you can taste and touch make up physical reality and the stuff you think up is ethereal reality. A woman is a woman because we say so. If we say a robot is a woman then it is, but not in the classic sense. It all boils down to classic definition versus reality. And in real terms reality is what we decide it is. One guy gets off watching football and screwing around with latex. Another watches baseball and pays a hooker. What’s the difference? The idea of a benefit from real versus imagined boils down to what you want your social life — that is the interpersonal relationships you have — to be. I like it all. I eat what tastes good. I love and am loved back. I think therefore I am. You do what you do.”

In other news, the London Free Press reported yesterday that London Ontario is hiking strip club licenses from $1,465 to $7,500 provoking a strong reaction from an industry lobbyist who wonders if London is using the high fees as “punishment” against strip clubs. The owners of London’s four strip clubs — Famous Flesh Gordon’s, Beef Baron, Royal Lancaster’s and Solid Gold — have hired lawyer Elizabeth Cormier to represent them at city hall. No word on whether the strippers are real or imagined, but the city seems to want real money.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Nude Maids and Video Games

Risk, Reward and the Male Brain

Inebriated Press
May 28, 2008

Bio-Medicine reported earlier this year that the part of the brain that generates rewarding feelings is more active in men than women during video-game play. And ABC Action News reported yesterday that a Florida man hired a nude maid off Craigslist to clean his house while his wife was out of town, and got the house cleaned out of jewelry too. Questions of risk, reward and just what is triggering good-time feelings in the brains of men; are rattling around like guys after gals in a bar at closing time.

“I never make impulse buys because I’m very disciplined that way, but I do have impulse sex and play video games whenever possible for some reason,” said Jess Once-Moore, a 32-year-old insurance agent whose understanding of risk is young for his age. “I work out three times a week; I schedule all my appointments well in advance and try not to play Halo more than five hours a night when I’m not with hookers. I’m just a regular guy doing regular things as far as I know.”

Some people think regular guys are built with wires crossed but don’t mind. “Guys get hooked on the craziest stuff for no discernable reasons, but it works for me,” said Milky Way-Barr, an astronomer, candy sales rep and part-time stripper who made her name work for her in three careers. “Whenever I want something off a guy I wear my tops low and my bottoms high. There’s not much science to it, but it won me astronomer of the year five times in a row at UC Berkeley. Why knock it.”

Bio-Medicine reported that in a first-of-its-kind imaging study, the Stanford University School of Medicine researchers have shown that the part of the brain that generates rewarding feelings is more activated in men than women when playing video-games. “These gender differences may help explain why males are more attracted to, and more likely to become ‘hooked’ on video games than females,” the researchers wrote in their paper, which was recently published online in the Journal of Psychiatric Research. According to a 2007 Harris Interactive survey, young males are two to three times more likely than females to feel addicted to video games, such as the Halo series so popular in recent years.

ABC Action News reported that Hillsborough County Florida sheriff’s deputies are investigating the theft of $40,000 worth of jewelry from a posh northwest county home. Deputies told ABCActionNews.com a Cheval resident hired a nude maid from Craigslist to clean his home because his wife was out of town. Deputies are now looking for the maid to question her in the disappearance of the jewelry. The victim provided the woman’s web site along with a brief description of her appearance. He could not give deputies a clothing description. Some people think that jewelry and video games provide deep insight into the male and female psyche.

“Women place more value in physical reality, in stuff like jewelry and shoes,” said Nimble Cache, a flexible ethicist who doesn’t let his view of reality get in the way of a good time. “Men are more interested in fake things that excite them like video games and silicon breasts. That’s also why men golf and women shop. The men get excited about something to pursue that they’ll never actually get, while the women come home with boxes of real stuff. The only time both sexes are in la-la-land is when they fool themselves to accommodate their hormones and hook up. It’s why men marry women thinking that they’ll never change and will always look the same and why women marry men thinking that they can be changed and improved. No video games or nude maids are going to straighten that kind of thinking out.”

In other news, the Palm Beach Post reported yesterday that a man was caught trying to hide 23 packs of Slim Jim beef jerky and “hot sausages” in his pants after punching a man at a Marathon gas station on Port St. Lucie Boulevard. Jerry Boston Jr., 23, of 1091 SW Mataro Ave., was arrested on charges of theft and battery after an officer reported finding $25 worth of “meat products” inside Boston’s pants pockets. He was allegedly trying to flee the gas station on a red bicycle when the officer caught him. No word on whether he thought he was playing a video game or whether he was taking the meat home to his nude maid.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Space Beer and Stripper Tourists

The Universe Expands on New Trends

Inebriated Press
May 28, 2008

Agence France Presse (AFP) reported yesterday that a Japanese brewery said it is planning to brew “space beer,” using barley once stored at the International Space Station. And AFP reported last week that an Israeli woman visiting New Zealand was so annoyed by wolf-whistling street workers that she shut them up by stripping naked. The benefits of space beer and public nudity for workers represents a new trend in freedom and democracy and maybe even relations with alien life forms.

“Beer production on earth and in space constitutes a clear use of technology for good and may represent a key component in Earth and Martian space relations in the future,” said NASA Administrator Michael Griffin, a promotor of booze on NASA flights and a strong advocate of nude astronaut calendars and pictorials. “Now if female visitors to NASA would strip down for our workers like that Israeli chick did in New Zealand, we’d really enhance morale at NASA. You just can’t underestimate the importance of bare breasts and beer when it comes to scientific exploration.”

Some nay-sayers think that alcohol and nudity already get way too much emphasis in society. “You can’t watch a TV show or movie, or pick up a magazine without seeing some half-naked woman in it and booze and drugs are rife even in day-time television. Heck Miley Cirus, Disney’s 15 year old girl wonder is doing nudity in magazines. Where’s it stop,” asked Modest Mabel-Forthright, a curvy blonde whose conservative dress just barely disguises the goodies squeezed underneath. “Society needs to take a step back from this cliff that we’re running toward. If we won’t restrain ourselves we’re going to lose all portents of modesty and self respect. Reckless abandon is not healthy and that’s true for nudity, drinking and the Democrat national healthcare plan.”

AFP reported that Japanese brewery Sapporo Holdings said it would make beer using the third generation of barley grains that had spent five months on the International Space Station in 2006. Researchers said the project was part of efforts to prepare for a future in which humans spend extended periods of time in space — and might like a cold beer after a space walk. The company will have enough space grain to produce about 100 bottles of beer but has no immediate plan to make it a commercial venture, Sapporo officials said. As of now, scientists have not detected any differences between Earth-grown and space barley.

An Israeli woman tourist visiting New Zealand was waiting to use a cash machine in the main street of the northern town of Kerikeri when road workers whistled, prompting her to take all her clothes off, AFP reported. After extracting her cash, the young woman calmly put her clothes back on and walked away, Police Sergeant Peter Masters said. “She said she had thought, ‘Bugger them, I’ll show them what I’ve got,'” Masters said of the incident. Police spoke to the woman and warned her that stripping naked in public was inappropriate in New Zealand, despite the unusually warm early winter weather. Some experts think that booze and sex is what makes the world go round.

“We’ve been theorizing for some time now just what it is that propels the earth on it’s axis around the sun and what drives the gradual expansion of the universe,” said Revlon Cologne, a scientist and breast lover often mistaken for a beauty product. “We used to think it was energy generated by the ‘big bang’ combined with developing gravitational and electromagnetic fields around the planets. But we have no proof and each time we think we have a theory that makes some sense, it falls apart. We’re thinking now that a combination of sex, drugs and rock’n roll probably have as much to do with maintaining the earth’s balance and trajectory as anything else we’ve come up with. Maybe more. And I’m not just saying that because I enjoy experimental science best.”

In other news, the Silicon Alley Insider reports that Playboy is using YouTube to determine its 55th anniversary playmate, but few users are showing up. The top-viewed entrant, Destiny White of Muncie, Indiana, has a mere 98,890 views over the past month. That’s about 1 million less than Neil Cicierega and his puppets generated on YouTube in a week. No word on whether some space booze would help the Playboy effort or whether there are just too many women tourists stripping down in public for anyone to bother with Playboy anymore.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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