Free Breast Implants and New Age Philanthropy

Free Implant Website Called Exploitive
Can Jenna’s Used Jugs Have a Greater Purpose?

Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
May 2, 2008

A new website called is providing opportunity for women to post provocative pictures of themselves and get guys to donate to them for breast implants.  And last year porn actress Jenna Jameson had her 32-D breast implants removed to mark her retirement from the industry.  Some call the boob donation website exploitation and some call Jenna a dirty old lady regardless the size of her chest.  But new age philanthropists think there’s a way to marry the two situations and use it to battle disease.

“Breast cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death in women, exceeded only by lung cancer.  It is estimated that in 2008 about 182,460 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed among women in the U.S. alone.  Women living in North America have the highest rate of breast cancer in the world and we have to stop it,” said I. Carre, a young man who values women and their breasts for a whole host of good reasons.  “If Jenna would donate her used breasts for an internet auction and then we used the proceeds for breast cancer research, we could recycle the old silicon, give some gal the chest she wants, and help fight a terrible disease at the same time.  That’s a winning combination that everyone should want to support.”

Some people think that old porn queens with used parts and websites that promote voyeurism and silicon chest stuffing is no place for do-gooders to traffic.  “We shouldn’t be encouraging unnatural body implants and window-dressing old whores to try and make them respectable. It’s a waste of time and pretty sick to boot,” said Nancy Erstwhile, a flamboyant debutant with all original parts and a classic old-school attitude to match.  “We should shut down porn businesses and stop the ridiculous body modification kick we’ve got going on; neither is healthy.  And we need to focus hard on curing diseases, like breast cancer, without getting tawdry about it.  Some modesty is beneficial in every civilization regardless of how bad we want to accomplish good things.” is a new donation site for young women who want free breast implants.  The surgery isn’t cheap.  It’s usually $4,000 for silicon implants and $5,000 for saline.  WSB TV in Atlanta reported that hundreds of young Atlanta women have signed up but some critics are calling it total exploitation.  The women create a profile on the site that can only be accessed by people, mostly men, who pay a $40 subscription fee and then donate to the women they like.  On their profile are pictures the young women provide, usually sexy, nude pictures.  And it appears, the more naked their pictures are, the more money they make.  The money is held in an account until the goal is reached and then sent directly to the surgeon selected. 

US Magazine reported last August that porn actress Jenna Jameson had her breast implants removed to mark her retirement from the industry.  After three-hours of surgery the 5-foot-6 star went from a D-cup to a C-up.  “When I had implants, I felt uncomfortable,” the 33-year-old multimillionaire said.  “I would be shy at the beach.  So I thought, ‘Why don’t I be who I am and get my real ones back?'”  The Las Vegas-born actress and web porn entrepreneur, who sported size 32-Ds on a 110-pound frame, had her first implants 13 years ago, according to her best-selling autobiography How to Make Love Like a Porn Star.  She is currently appearing in the 2008 movie, Zombie Strippers.  Some say that enlisting strippers, zombies, porn stars and internet entrepreneurs’ to fight breast cancer is the right thing to do, plain and simple.

“I’d enlist Islamofascists and the National Guard in a heartbeat if doing it would cure breast cancer,” said Matilda T. Greenburg, a busty stripper and porn queen wannabee who clings to her original name regardless its career dampening tendency.  “We need everyone who walks to get together and fight this terrible disease.  And until we have a cure, women must remember to give themselves a breast self-exam once a month and look for any changes in breast tissue, such as changes in size, a lump, dimpling or puckering of the breast, or a discharge from the nipple.  And have routine Mammograms.  I know plenty of guys who want to help with the exams and while I appreciate their enthusiasm, what they can do is encourage exams and give emotional and financial support to the fight.  Every breast saved is a good one; and the life you save may be your own.  We can all get behind that.”

In other news, breast aficionados’ across America all support breast health regardless differing opinions on which size of breast is best.  Now if religious Middle Easterners will just stop beheading people for disagreeing with them, civilization will have made even more progress.  No word if an internet auction site can help, but it’d be worth a lot if it did.

(C) 2008

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