Sniffing and pissing all over okay, but not inappropriate commandment
Inebriated Press \ Division of Rant
May 13, 2008
A small Cocker Spaniel named Rubric was arrested early today in Berkeley, California for having the sixth commandment posted on his doghouse in full public view. Reportedly the City Council members were so offended that they postponed a rally calling for the ban of the U.S. military and instead, gathered to watch the arrest. Cracking down on inappropriate behavior is a trend that’s gaining ground in America.
“When I saw the commandment not to commit adultery I was so offended I could barely get to my AA meeting and start counseling losers who want to get off booze,” said someone claiming they weren’t a city council member and offering to change my cars oil if I kept quiet. “The Marines have no right to be recruiting in our city but we the people should be able to bang anyone we please, married or not. Thou shalt not kill anyone for any reason, is what should have been on that doghouse. But not thou shalt not commit adultery. In Berkeley we decide who gets screwed and what god gets to have.”
Some people disagree with Berkeley ethics. “They only have the rights they do because soldiers fought and died to win them and fight and die today to protect them,” said an uncanny gene grappling with a universe of twisted DNA. “Why are people who do what they want under the freedom of tolerance, so intolerant of others? Does hypocrisy blind these people or are they as stupid as they seem?”
The City of Berkeley California is known as a left wing bastion of liberal thinking except where it comes to freedom of thought and action by non-liberals. They’ve tried running Marine recruiters out of town and even granted the anti-war activist group Code Pink exclusive parking in front of the recruiting station. U.S. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, the ultra liberal who wants to stop fighting terrorists and redistribute your money hails from the area, and goes above and beyond when representing her constituency. Interestingly Senator and presidential candidate Barack Obama has a more liberal voting record in Congress than Pelosi. Obama’s pastor Jeremiah Wright would fit right in except he occasionally mentions god and that’s bad of course. Associated Press reported that the gangster Tony Rezco that Obama and Hillary Clinton have hung with probably wouldn’t fit in either, but they still make it work, because deep down they’re all intolerant of conservative values. It’s that mutual hatred that binds minor adversaries and keeps the party together.
“You have to be willing to look past silly disagreements over levels of income redistribution and how fast to stop fighting terrorists and mothball the military, so we can continue fighting independent thought and the rights of individuals,” said Hillary Clinton swapping her right and left breasts and swatting Barack on the ass with a towel. “Barack and I are getting in each others face over minor stuff but we agree on all the biggies. That’s why when the dust settles we should run together as the first black man white woman team for the presidency. Heck if I can ignore all the shit Bill did to get us in the White House together, I can ignore the stuff Barack has done if he’ll let a white woman’s ass help him along. From what I’ve heard he’s done it before. Not sure if Michelle knows.”
In related news, intolerance of those tolerant of intolerance continues to grow around the world as tolerance for radical Muslims is met with beheadings, and tolerance of liberals is met with intolerance of conservative views. No word on whether anyone gives a shit.
(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com