Natural hormone makes people eat more
Hefner Wants Miley to strip for Playboy
May 15, 2008
MSNBC reported last week that a natural hormone produced by our body makes us eat more by causing food to look tastier. And the UK Metro newspaper reported Monday that Hugh Hefner’s reoccurring hormones have him targeting 15-year-old Miley Cyrus to pose nude in his Playboy magazine. Debate over the power wielded by hormones and our ability to manage them has people writhing in all directions.
“A surge of hormones took over my body when I was in my early teens and haven’t given it back to my brain yet,” said Chaos Nitrogen, a pharmaceutical salesman who has haunted strip clubs and buffets across Middle America the better part of two decades. “All women and all foods look good to me and I want to have every morsel I can. Of course I enjoy some more than others but as a salesman my main interest is in turning high volumes. I can’t help myself. Gosh blondes and brownies look good. Often I want them both at the same time. Tasty!”
Some people say that regardless our raging hormones we have the ability to control them and need to do so for the good of society. “I am master of my domain and queen of all that I survey,” said Brigid Frigid-Aire, an aloof socialite occasionally seen drifting from place to place like a spectre but without the warmth. “It is a trait of all higher evolved beings to exhibit control over self and to seek to impose it on others for their good. All people who yearn for truth and beauty are able to set aside lust for sex and food; to press into service desire and passion and use them to energize efforts to make others give to the poor and donate to orphanages. It’s why I support Hillary for president. She isn’t colloquial or base. She will use other people and their money to get things done. She is above humankind like a ‘blonde bitch of perfection’. I aspire to be like her. Except for the mustache of course.”
MSNBC reported that a natural molecule, named ghrelin is a hormone secreted in the gut that makes people eat more by causing food to look tastier. The hormone actually improves perception and memory when it comes to food. Researchers selected 20 volunteers and scanned them as they looked at images of either food or scenery. Twelve participants received ghrelin injections, while the others were told they were given the hormone but were not. After infusions of ghrelin, the brains of volunteers responded more strongly to pictures of food. They actually got better at recognizing the images. “People actually see them better,” said researcher Alain Dagher, a neurologist at McGill University in Montreal. Researchers believe therapies that disrupt the effects of ghrelin could help fight obesity.
UK’s Metro newspaper reported that 82-year-old Hugh Hefner, Playboy’s top dog, wants 15-year-old Miley Cyrus to pose nude for a centerfold. Hefner wants the Hannah Montana star to grace his leading lads’ magazine when she turns 18. He said: ‘She would be welcomed in the magazine. She’s a very pretty lady.’ Hefner, who has three live-in girlfriends, defended the shots of Cyrus taken by Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair magazine, where Miley appeared nude and draped only in a sheet. Hef said: ‘I think to make a big to-do over something as innocent as those photos are a reflection on how schizophrenic America is about sexuality.’ Some people believe that hormones and schizophrenia work in tandem.
“PMS makes my wife bonkers, and there are times when I have know idea who she even is, and that’s a fact,” said Lester Nester-Quester, a blue collar worker in Pittsburg who wants a quiet and simple home life with a wife who does whatever he says. “She can be a wildcat in bed and I have to wear my welding gloves just to avoid getting burned. Then she can get so cold that I can’t move her with candy or an acetylene torch. She’s so Jeckel and Hyde that I’ve given up trying to figure her out. Now she either avoids me or makes me a plaything. She always looks good though. But maybe that’s just my hormones talking.”
In other news, Contact Music reported that Star Trek’s William Shatner said he hated bedding Trek fans because they wanted to enact their sci-fi fantasies with the actor. Shatner said women were always shouting ‘beam me up’ and saying things like ‘so this is what it’s like to bang Captain Kirk’. No word on whether he had the same problem with tasty looking food but based on his girth he’s been beaming up plenty of it.
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