Obama Becomes an American Indian, Hello Kitty a Japanese Ambassador

If I am who I am, why aren’t you who you are?
Maybe because you’re a teacher arrested on sex charges?

Inebriated Press \ NEWS
May 26, 2008

Reuters reported last week that US presidential candidate Barack Obama joined the Crow Nation, a tribe of 12,100 members in Montana. And the UK Metro newspaper reported that Japan’s national tourism ministry announced that the cartoon character Hello Kitty, has been named a goodwill tourism ambassador for Japan. Flexible identity continues to grow in importance for politicians, ambassadors and even teachers in Texas. Particularly the one arrested for having sex with a student 20 times in 5 days.

KXAN TV reported that Austin police arrested teacher Allen James Cole on the charge of having “an improper relationship” with an 18-year-old Travis High School student. According to a probable cause affidavit obtained by KXAN.com, the student told police she had met Cole, 34, several times at his apartment between May 6 and May 10. The student told police she had sex with Cole more than 20 times over that 5-day period. The charge, an improper relationship between educator and student, is a 2nd degree felony. The makers of Viagra may also be investigating.

Reuters reported that Democrat Barack Obama became an honorary member of an American Indian tribe on Monday and promised a proactive policy to help tribal people if he wins the White House in November. The Illinois senator, who is leading rival Hillary Clinton in their race for the party’s presidential nomination, joined the Crow Nation, a tribe of some 12,100 members in Montana, taking on a native name and honorary parents in a traditional ceremony. Obama, who would be the first black U.S. president, was “adopted” by Hartford and Mary Black Eagle and given a name which means “one who helps all people of this land.” Some pundits say if Obama doesn’t win the presidency he’ll declare Chicago his native land and cede from the Union. Other pundits hope he’ll do it whether he wins or looses.

UK Metro reported that cult cartoon character Hello Kitty has been named a goodwill tourism ambassador for Japan. It is the first time a cartoon character has taken on the normally human role. The feline character has become a global phenomenon, with more than 50,000 different products on sale in 60 countries. She will be used to promote Japan in China and Hong Kong. Shintaro Tsuji, president of Sanrio Co, the company which created the toy cat, called Hello Kitty’s new appointment “an honour” and pledged the feline would “work hard to attract many visitors.” There are only minor concerns that the Kitty may eat melamine laced Chinese pet food and die.

The identity of ambassadors and presidential candidates, and folks in general, continues to be debated. “It’s up to people to define and redefine who they are and who they want other people to think that they are,” said a woozy Inebriated Press reporter, wearing a fake nose and eyeglasses and refusing to identify himself. “I’ve been doing Jell-O shots all morning and for all I know I’m a presidential candidate that looks like a cat and thinks like an American Indian. Except for the no underwear horse riding stuff. That’s got to be damn uncomfortable. I’d partner with Hillary though. She’s got nothing off Bill for years and she’s not bad looking for her age. We could run the free world together and have one hell of a time doing it. Maybe that’s just the Jell-O talking.”

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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