Nude Maids and Video Games

Risk, Reward and the Male Brain

Inebriated Press
May 28, 2008

Bio-Medicine reported earlier this year that the part of the brain that generates rewarding feelings is more active in men than women during video-game play. And ABC Action News reported yesterday that a Florida man hired a nude maid off Craigslist to clean his house while his wife was out of town, and got the house cleaned out of jewelry too. Questions of risk, reward and just what is triggering good-time feelings in the brains of men; are rattling around like guys after gals in a bar at closing time.

“I never make impulse buys because I’m very disciplined that way, but I do have impulse sex and play video games whenever possible for some reason,” said Jess Once-Moore, a 32-year-old insurance agent whose understanding of risk is young for his age. “I work out three times a week; I schedule all my appointments well in advance and try not to play Halo more than five hours a night when I’m not with hookers. I’m just a regular guy doing regular things as far as I know.”

Some people think regular guys are built with wires crossed but don’t mind. “Guys get hooked on the craziest stuff for no discernable reasons, but it works for me,” said Milky Way-Barr, an astronomer, candy sales rep and part-time stripper who made her name work for her in three careers. “Whenever I want something off a guy I wear my tops low and my bottoms high. There’s not much science to it, but it won me astronomer of the year five times in a row at UC Berkeley. Why knock it.”

Bio-Medicine reported that in a first-of-its-kind imaging study, the Stanford University School of Medicine researchers have shown that the part of the brain that generates rewarding feelings is more activated in men than women when playing video-games. “These gender differences may help explain why males are more attracted to, and more likely to become ‘hooked’ on video games than females,” the researchers wrote in their paper, which was recently published online in the Journal of Psychiatric Research. According to a 2007 Harris Interactive survey, young males are two to three times more likely than females to feel addicted to video games, such as the Halo series so popular in recent years.

ABC Action News reported that Hillsborough County Florida sheriff’s deputies are investigating the theft of $40,000 worth of jewelry from a posh northwest county home. Deputies told a Cheval resident hired a nude maid from Craigslist to clean his home because his wife was out of town. Deputies are now looking for the maid to question her in the disappearance of the jewelry. The victim provided the woman’s web site along with a brief description of her appearance. He could not give deputies a clothing description. Some people think that jewelry and video games provide deep insight into the male and female psyche.

“Women place more value in physical reality, in stuff like jewelry and shoes,” said Nimble Cache, a flexible ethicist who doesn’t let his view of reality get in the way of a good time. “Men are more interested in fake things that excite them like video games and silicon breasts. That’s also why men golf and women shop. The men get excited about something to pursue that they’ll never actually get, while the women come home with boxes of real stuff. The only time both sexes are in la-la-land is when they fool themselves to accommodate their hormones and hook up. It’s why men marry women thinking that they’ll never change and will always look the same and why women marry men thinking that they can be changed and improved. No video games or nude maids are going to straighten that kind of thinking out.”

In other news, the Palm Beach Post reported yesterday that a man was caught trying to hide 23 packs of Slim Jim beef jerky and “hot sausages” in his pants after punching a man at a Marathon gas station on Port St. Lucie Boulevard. Jerry Boston Jr., 23, of 1091 SW Mataro Ave., was arrested on charges of theft and battery after an officer reported finding $25 worth of “meat products” inside Boston’s pants pockets. He was allegedly trying to flee the gas station on a red bicycle when the officer caught him. No word on whether he thought he was playing a video game or whether he was taking the meat home to his nude maid.

(C) 2008

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