Well Hung Meat and Perfect Robot Women

Organic Meat and Artificial Intelligence

Inebriated Press
May 29, 2008

MeatFYI.com reported yesterday that Geoff Sayers of The Well Hung Meat Company is now an “Organic Hero.” The article said he has won numerous awards including the Gold at the Taste of the West. And Gizmo Watch reported that Robot LISA is slated for a June 11th release and can recharge and dress herself and is able to detect and react to speech, touch and visual stimuli. As high-touch and high-tech trends continue to ramp up, the debate over the value of ‘natural’ keeps growing.

“It’s hard to beat organic meat and artificial women when it comes to good health and a remote control relationship,” said Flip Switch-Bio, a studly electrician who exercises, eats right and prefers fake relationships over real ones. “I keep my body fit and only put natural things into it. But when it comes to women I’d prefer a good robot broad with a programmable attitude and latex parts that bend to my will. Real women are too needy. I like fake ones that do what I want and switch off when I want to do something else. I’m a guy with simple tastes and a love of technology.”

Some people think Flip’s simple taste is from a simple mind and that in the long run he’ll wind up empty and alone. “I love well hung meat and I admit a bit of latex now and then is okay in the right context, but I say no to fake relationships and simple guys,” said Annie Lazor, a paramedic whose penetrating eyes and real breasts have been known to lift and separate true men from imagined ones. “I’ve had some bad relationships and have known guys who think they can turn me on and off like a switch. The man I’m with now understands that I’m a living, breathing organic being and properly respected the complexity I bring will do more for him than a pail of latex bound with electronics. Our love is real and a free and fair trade. Neither of us do fake. Real is risky and tactile and earthy. Real is more fun.”

MeatFYI.com reported that Well Hung Meat was endorsed as one of Rick Stein’s Food Heroes and has won numerous awards including Gold at both the Taste of the West Awards 2007 and the Soil Association Organic food awards 2006. A producer of organic meats, The Well Hung Meat Company started life on Carswell Farm in South Devon, England. Geoff Sayers entered the meat from his farm into the Soil Association Organic Food Awards in 2001 and 2002, winning both times and inspiring him to start the company. Sayers said he started The Well Hung Meat Co. to try to reduce some of the ‘natural’ but unnecessary waste in farming and to give his carefully husbanded sheep a chance to be processed properly. He recently founded “Holy Cow” cottage and cream cheeses.

Gizmo Watch reported yesterday that LISA, a robotic product from AI Robotics, is a lady with no mood swings, doesn’t throw tantrums if asked to run errands, offers a divine massage without acting ‘hard to get’ and is full of energy all through the day. Reports suggest that this ‘perfect woman’ can speak about everything under the sun, right from politics and religion to music and culture. Capable of recharging and dressing up herself, the bot has an impressive IQ of 130. The article said a proprietary RKS (Recognition Krax System) technology brings her as close to reality as possible. She can detect and react to speech, touch and visual stimuli. Additionally, LISA can make sense of colors, gestures, shapes, etc. and learn incessantly through wireless internet. LISA is slated for a June 11th release. Some experts say that nothing in the universe is artificial.

“Everything that exists in physical space is a combination of ingredients that are already in that space but may be in a slightly different configuration; that’s the only real difference,” said Blu Steele, a sturdy scientist who thinks the concept of bioethics has less meaning on earth than chewing gum. “Ethics are ethics and the concept of natural and artificial are merely theoretical ways to try and divide up stuff so we can debate it. All things are both real and imagined and the stuff you can taste and touch make up physical reality and the stuff you think up is ethereal reality. A woman is a woman because we say so. If we say a robot is a woman then it is, but not in the classic sense. It all boils down to classic definition versus reality. And in real terms reality is what we decide it is. One guy gets off watching football and screwing around with latex. Another watches baseball and pays a hooker. What’s the difference? The idea of a benefit from real versus imagined boils down to what you want your social life — that is the interpersonal relationships you have — to be. I like it all. I eat what tastes good. I love and am loved back. I think therefore I am. You do what you do.”

In other news, the London Free Press reported yesterday that London Ontario is hiking strip club licenses from $1,465 to $7,500 provoking a strong reaction from an industry lobbyist who wonders if London is using the high fees as “punishment” against strip clubs. The owners of London’s four strip clubs — Famous Flesh Gordon’s, Beef Baron, Royal Lancaster’s and Solid Gold — have hired lawyer Elizabeth Cormier to represent them at city hall. No word on whether the strippers are real or imagined, but the city seems to want real money.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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