Panties for Peace and Environmentally Friendly Bombs

The quest for better living through mind games

Inebriated Press
May 30, 2008

The Canadian Press reported Wednesday that organizers of Panties for Peace! are asking women to volunteer their underwear in an effort to shame Myanmar’s leaders into giving citizens greater access to humanitarian aid and human rights. And Yahoo! News reported Tuesday that scientists in Germany are working on environmentally friendly explosives for the military. Efforts to free people and improve the planet grow increasingly counterintuitive but are fun anyway.

“I was thinking of throwing out all my panties and living a more free and easy lifestyle and when I learned that I can help the people of Myanmar by mailing my underwear to the government, I got right on it,” said CeCe Clearly, a slender brunette department store manager with ‘Live Free or Die’ tattooed below her navel. “And what’s not to like about environmentally friendly explosives that reduce toxic gases while still ripping soldiers flesh to bits? I’m just awash in panty-less environmentalism and ripe as a tomato.”

Not everyone thinks foreign governments will give up power when women’s underwear turns up in the mail or that dangerous explosives will ever be considered friendly to anyone let alone the environment. “If we think that sending old panties to military dictatorships will bend them to our will and that bombs can be made friendly, we’re smoking some pretty strong stuff,” said U. R. Nutts, a muscular brown carpenter who tends to live in the real world because it pays better. “I admit that if a woman came by the job site and tossed her panties at me and climbed one of our ladders, I’d probably be influenced to examine the merchandize and contemplate aspects of human rights and open access, but I still wouldn’t change my form of personal governance.”

The Canadian Press reported that Canadian women are being asked to volunteer their undergarments in an international effort to shame Myanmar’s ruling junta into giving citizens greater access to humanitarian aid and human rights. Organizers launched the Canadian edition of the Panties for Peace! campaign Tuesday with a call for women to send their underwear to the Myanmar embassy in Ottawa. The campaign plays off regional superstitions that contact with women’s panties can sap a man’s power. Activists claim the fear is shared by the leaders of the country’s military regime. Spearheaded by a pro-democracy group based in Thailand, the campaign was launched in the fall to draw attention to human rights abuses against women in the country. According to the campaign’s organizers, Myanmar’s embassies in Europe, Australia and Brazil, among other places, have been receiving female underpants in the mail.

Yahoo! News reported that TNT, RDX and other explosives commonly used in military and industrial applications often generate toxic gases upon detonation that pollute the environment. To make safer, more environmentally friendly explosives, scientists in Germany turned to a recently explored class of materials called tetrazoles. These derive most of their explosive energy from nitrogen instead of carbon as TNT and others do. Tiny bombs were made from two promising tetrazoles with the alphabet-soup names of HBT and G2ZT. In initial experiments, G2ZT and HBT produced fewer toxic byproducts than common explosives. Still, they did generate some dangerous hydrogen cyanide gas. Nonetheless the scientists believe the compounds have great potential, “especially for large caliber naval and tank guns.” Some pundits believe the world would be a better place if we just stopped making explosives and underwear altogether.

“Freedom is best enjoyed in a world without bombs, guns and close fitting garments, and to that end I’m establishing a new political party called Bold Americans Respecting Environments And Saving Society (BAREASS),” said Misty Mind-Meld, a broad-chested big-assed peace activist and Star Trek fan whose only real fear is the Klingon’s. “Once people understand the BAREASS platform they’ll chuck away Republicans and Democrats and destroy the nations weapons, boxers and briefs and usher in a new age of peace and public nudity. We’ll balance the federal budget annually by selling calendars with nude pictures of good looking public officials and sell the contract rights to BAREASS Party conventions to Hollywood. Initially there may be some skeptics but what the heck, Americans elected Bill Clinton president twice, and are about to elect a one-term Senator from Illinois with no governing experience who wants to raise our taxes so he can give billions to the United Nations to distribute. And you think I’m crazy.”

In other news, AFP reported yesterday that actress Sharon Stone apologized to China for saying that the recent earthquake in that country was the result of bad karma due to China’s treatment of Tibet. On the heels of her initial remarks China had announced that all Sharon Stone movies would be boycotted. No word on whether Stone has mailed her panties to Myanmar yet or if it’s true that she’s planning to run for the U.S. presidency as a BAREASS candidate.

(C) 2008

Comments Off on Panties for Peace and Environmentally Friendly Bombs

Filed under Humor, IP News

Comments are closed.