Daily Archives: June 6, 2008

Obama’s Racketeer Buddy Found Guilty

Old Chicago Politics plus Anti-American Hatred equal Change for a New Age

Inebriated Press
June 6, 2008

New York Times reported yesterday that Tony Rezko, Barack Obama’s buddy and fundraiser, financial advisor and the man who arranged the purchase of Obama’s home and property, was convicted by a federal jury on 16 counts, including fraud, money laundering and bribery. The presidential candidate pulled out his Jeremiah Wright media release and inserted Rezko’s name and read, “This isn’t the Tony Rezko I knew.” For some strange reason Obama, the unknown, inexperienced man who became an overnight sensation as a presidential candidate, has a group of friends and advisors with links to radical groups, secret power players and extortionists. But to question Obama’s integrity is to display prejudice and ethnic hatred. Experts say it’s time to elect the man and not worry about the consequences, because it’s the right thing to do.

“Any man who wants to give hundreds of millions of US tax dollars to the United Nations to distribute as it sees fit, and who plans to sit down with fascists who repeat over and over their plans to destroy Israel and the west, and then negotiate terms of surrender with Bin Laden, is the right guy to run the U.S.A.” said Neville Chamberlin, former prime minister of Britain, the man who single handedly stopped the Nazi push into Poland in World War II when he chatted with Hitler and came away saying Adolph was a man he could trust. “People should not be concerned that President Obama has no governing or leadership experience. Barack has surrounded himself with spiritual and financial advisors who have powerful convictions and will guide all of his decision-making. And Bill Ayers, a Weather Underground member and a friend and neighbor of Barack’s, knows his way around the Pentagon because he placed bombs there in the 1960’s. Ayers would make a good Secretary of Defense because he knows where the bathrooms are. People need to set aside their irrational prejudice of Obama and support him because he’ll do whatever he feels like when he’s elected, and it’ll all be for the best.”

Some individuals aren’t sure that an inexperienced man with advisors who are anti-American or are convicted racketeers, are really what’s best for America. “I admit that voting for McCain, a war hero with years of experience working with both parties in the Senate, and who’s married to a beautiful beer distribution heiress, is awfully distasteful,” said Jon Doe, an insignificant hard working American voter who enjoys watching sports, tending his garden and a good roll in the hay. “But when I see the people that Barack has surrounded himself with — Chicago racketeers, preachers who say America is the same as Al Qaeda and then give awards to the Nation of Islam’s Farrakhan, and has a Pentagon bomber as a pal, it makes me think that maybe deep down, Barack believes what they do. Nobody rises to the top in Chicago politics as fast as he did without powerful political connections and lots of money. It just doesn’t happen. And now after a couple terms in the Illinois Senate and half of one in the U.S. Senate, he’s the man to run the most powerful country in the world? How does that happen? Who is he beholden to and what does he really believe? You are the company you keep. Either Obama is the same as the guys he hangs with or he’s completely ignorant. Either way I can’t vote for the man.”

The New York Times reported that Antoin “Tony” Rezko, a once-powerful fund-raiser who helped propel the career of Senator Barack Obama, was found guilty on Wednesday by a federal jury of 16 counts, including fraud, money laundering and bribery in an influence-peddling scheme that touched the highest levels of the administration of Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich of Illinois. While Mr. Obama’s friendship with Mr. Rezko has been debated on the campaign trail, no evidence surfaced in the courtroom to suggest that Mr. Obama was involved in any wrongdoing. In a statement, Mr. Obama said that he was “saddened” by the verdict. “This isn’t the Tony Rezko I knew,” he said, adding that the charges against Mr. Rezko “once again shine a spotlight on the need for reform.” During the Democratic primary race, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton called attention to Mr. Obama’s relationship with Mr. Rezko in an effort to raise questions about Mr. Obama’s judgment. According to Mr. Obama’s campaign, Mr. Rezko may have raised as much as $250,000 for him over the years. Some pundits say that money and a persons close friends have no influence over them.

“It’s irrational and highly prejudicial to think that anyone who gave me a quarter million dollars and was one of my best friends would have any impact on how I think or what I do,” said Chesty Blonde, a former hooker who was one of few call girls never influenced by money or people she knew. “I never considered my services as though I was selling myself; it was all in my control. I influenced others more than they did me and the money I raised over the years to retire on, was just the side benefit of a good time. I think Obama is kind of like me. When he’s president he’ll just have a good time doing what he wants and playing around with military cuts, having chats with terrorists and other famous people, and reallocate the wealth of the American people. I mean he’s said that’s what he’ll do. Why wouldn’t we believe that? And as far as the American haters he’s surrounded himself with, hey, a guys got to have friends right? Who’re you going to drink beer with otherwise?”

In other news, CNN reported Wednesday that a man and a woman have been charged by police in Italy after they were found having sex in a cathedral confession box. The Italian ANSA news agency said authorities were alerted after a parishioner heard “rustling and groaning” coming from inside the confession box and pulled back the curtains to reveal a goth-rock couple engaged in oral sex. The agency said the pair — a 31-year-old laborer and a 32-year-old teacher — defended their conduct saying: “We are atheists and for us, having sex in church is like doing it any other place.” No word on whether money or their friends influence anything else they do.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Comments Off on Obama’s Racketeer Buddy Found Guilty

Filed under Humor, IP News

Drug Use Rights, Cow Brains and Test Tube Meat

Freedom and Rules, Life and Death

Inebriated Press
June 6, 2008

The Canadian newspaper, Globe and Mail, reported this week that a judge in British Columbia ruled that Vancouver’s safe-injection site – where drug addicts can shoot up while government health workers watch – is legal. And TheCattleSite News Desk reported that Australian officials have issued a call for cow brains so they can test them and prove the county has no Mad Cow Disease. Meanwhile Environmental Magazine reports that scientists are growing animal muscle in test tubes. Debate over what humans and animals should be protected from, and what constitutes freedom, is debated around the world.

“I should be free to take drugs and eat cows, or not, whichever I want, and no person or government should stand in my way. I am an independent entity and choose the level of dependence and control that I accept in my life,” said Stacy Freeborn, a lithe red head with sufficient intelligence, muscle tone and bust size to be considered above average in all areas. “Well meaning people try to control whether and how people do drugs and try to create fake meat in test tubes. Others try to cut the odds of mad cow disease by arbitrary testing of brains collected by volunteers. I say, if you’re born to be hung you won’t be shot. Let us do what we want and take our chances. Each step toward ‘protection’ results in power shifting away from the person ‘protected’ and puts it in the hands of the protector. I’ve known guys who have ‘protected’ their women to death. Government should turn us loose, keep us informed, protect our freedoms and our lives from murderers, but not keep us from doing whatever we want.”

Some people think that governments and activists have a good understanding of what people need and that when they take action to put more protective measures in place it’s for our own good. “You take away signal lights at an intersection and good people die. You let people take whatever drugs they want and good people die. You start producing meat in a test tube and … well, I won’t like it,” said Ziggy Long, busily duct taping a boy scout to a stop sign for his protection. “It takes rule of law vigorously enforced to establish a civil society and provide for the growth and development of culture and civilization. I suppose some may say that Nazi Germany passed the point where rules provided a healthy platform for freedom and civil society, but there are down sides to everything. You have to admire their high degree of organization though.”

The Globe and Mail reported that last week, a B.C. judge ruled that Vancouver’s safe-injection site – where drug addicts can shoot up under the watchful eye of government health workers – is legal. The federal government, he said, has no right to end the temporary exemption that allows the site to operate. But Mr. Justice Ian Pitfield did a whole lot more than that. He created a constitutional right for addicts to shoot up. First, he defined the program as health care – on the grounds that addicts have a disease, and need their fix, just as diabetics need theirs. He went on to rule that denial of health care is a violation of Section 7 of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, which says: “Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of the person and the right not to be deprived thereof except in accordance with the principles of fundamental justice.” The decision has stirred heated debate.

TheCattleSite News Desk reported that Australia remains free of mad cow disease (Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy) but needs to prove this every year by conducting regular national surveillance to a standard set by the World Organisation for Animal Health, the OIE. Biosecurity Queensland put out the call to local livestock producers and vets to urgently get in contact with the DPI&F if they have cattle and sheep showing nervous disorders and are willing to submit brain samples. Over 1,500 Queensland cattle and 300 Queensland sheep have tested negative since the national surveillance program began in 1998. Australia produced hundreds of thousands of livestock for food during that time.

Environmental Magazine reported that scientists are already growing animal muscle by performing a biopsy of stem cells from a livestock animal and placing them in a nutrient-rich culture. In that medium, the cells divide and multiply. Cells are then attached to a scaffolding structure and placed in a bioreactor to grow. Some organizations maintain that less cows, pigs and chickens could mean a lower production of methane, one of the most potent greenhouse gases. The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) stated that livestock are the largest source of methane from human-related activities. Scientists say that lab produced ‘meat’ faces some significant hurdles. Some experts say fake is always better.

“Some of the best relationships I’ve been in were all based on lies with women, who had huge silicon implants, and they were all mostly legal and we had a heck of a time. Artificial meat will be great too. I already know some women into the idea,” said Circus Freak, a retired acrobat who kept his professional name and some of his DNA. “You can’t fake death, but besides that you can pretty much fake anything else. And in most cases fake is better. I’m not saying it’s the only way to go, but it sure keeps things interesting. I like interesting.”

In other news, Globe and Mail reported that KFC is going vegan. After five years of protests, KFC Canada and People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have cut a deal that will see the Canadian chain improve its chicken slaughter conditions and introduce vegan menu options. Yes, vegan chicken at KFC. The fake chicken, known as unchicken, has been around for years and is available in a handful of restaurants and stores in Canada. The article said PETA will continue to press KFC in the United States and elsewhere to change its slaughter practices – and sell unchicken, as 461 KFC Canadian chain stores have agreed to do. No word on whether the fake chicken is as good as the real thing, but ten out of ten women surveyed said real orgasms continue to be better than fake ones.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Comments Off on Drug Use Rights, Cow Brains and Test Tube Meat

Filed under Humor, IP News