Clinton’s ex-flames tell all

Sex talk about Bill for sale on the web
Confessions and lurid details

Inebriated Press
June 13, 2008

Yahoo!7 News reported Tuesday that Bill Clinton’s ex-gal-pals Gennifer Flowers and Paula Jones, are offering internet viewers lurid details of encounters they say they had with the former president, for $1.99 per story. And the Times of India says that women’s favorite fantasy’s are about champagne, candlelight, a man at the door and sex. Debate over what’s real, imagined and available for cash; bats its eyes, and gently beckons.

“Anyone can tell stories about sexual encounters with Bill Clinton when he was president, heck he banged 75% of the female population in the U.S. that were of age, and 27% of the girls underage. The stories aren’t worth $1.99. You can get them for free in any stripper bar downtown,” said Sarsaparilla Kate Lipo, an unusually slender brunette bartender with a chest the size of buoys on Lake Michigan and only slightly less red. “When I was weightlifting champion at Gold’s Gym in D.C. Bill was always pounding at my door. I suppose I’d sell the stories myself if I thought it would do some good for my tax bracket. Bill was nothing special. Him and his crazy cigars always poking around. He was kind of a nut job really. Still, he was ruler of the free world, so he had that going for him.”

Not everyone thinks that stories about the former president are bad, even if only a few of them are imagined. “Bill Clinton was the closest man to a saint that we’ve had in the White House since Abe Lincoln left Ford’s Theatre in a bag. I’ve fantasized being with him many times,” said Misty Green-Piece, a colorblind Hooters waitress, who often mistakes napkins for tips. “He proved that presidents were human beings capable of compassion, lies and indiscretion and not just guys who keep raising my taxes. When I learned about the stain on Monica’s blue dress, I knew that Bill was really a regular guy that a person could look up to or go down on. A lot of people got down on him because of the way he behaved. And I mean that in all kinds of ways. I still like him.”

Yahoo!7 News reported that Gennifer Flowers and Paula Jones, who gained notoriety in the early 1990s for encounters with Clinton, have created a website offering videos of their thoughts about him, his wife Hillary and other matters. Each video segment is available for $US1.99 ($AU2.90). During the 1992 presidential race, Flowers claimed to have had a 12-year affair with then-candidate and Arkansas Governor Bill Clinton. Clinton initially denied the allegation, but later, during his deposition in the Paula Jones sexual harassment case, acknowledged a single sexual encounter with Flowers. “It’s a way we can get our story out there in our own words, without someone making their own interpretations or corrections,” Paula Jones said. Jones accused Clinton of sexual harassment, saying he made an unwelcome sexual advance in 1991 in a Little Rock hotel room while he was Arkansas governor and she was a state employee. Her lawsuit set in motion the events that led to the impeachment of Clinton.

The Times of India article reported that for ages the world has been trying hard to figure out what’s going on in a woman’s head. What does a woman want: the quintessential question? The answer: champagne, candlelight, a man at the door…most of the times. And yes, if it involves sex, it’s all the better. The article said nothing beats a good sex fantasy. Linda Wolfe a famous author studied a sample of 15,000 women aged 18-34 years, and less than three percent said they never fantasize. Dr. Nimish Seth, a psychologist says: “There’s no such thing as an inappropriate fantasy. A lesbian fantasy is not proof that you’re gay; a dominatrix fantasy doesn’t mean you ought to run right out and invest in a pair of leather pants. Whether you choose to explore your fantasies—however mild or wild they may be—is up to you. Sometimes a girl needs a jolt of adventure—if only in her daydreams”. Experts say it doesn’t matter how famous or unknown you are, everybody fantasizes.

“I used to fantasize about having a relationship with Bill Clinton and sharing sex and power with him, but it never worked out. I switched to fantasizing about being president myself but that didn’t work out either. Now I’m just trying to become vice president,” said Senator Hillary Clinton, in an unguarded moment last week, after twelve Jell-O shots at a male stripper joint in an unnamed Western State. “Everybody dreams about shit and I’ve done my share. I’ve cheated people, screwed a real bastard and had his kid, now I’m trying to sort out what the hell I’ll do next. They say blondes have more fun? Bullshit. I could get it on with Barack though. If what’s her name would let us alone. I think I’ve still got a shot at that. Time will tell. It always does.”

In other news, MSN posted “Confessions of a cougar” in its dating and personals segment recently. The piece said much has been made lately of the “cougar” phenomenon—so much so that you might assume the dating universe is now littered with Demi-Ashton wannabe couples. Not necessarily so, although cougars are becoming more visible with each passing month. For the uninitiated, a cougar is a powerful, sexy woman of a certain age. She is not looking to get married or have babies. She loves nothing better than to pick up man-cubs and have her wicked way with them. No word on whether Hillary thinks of herself as a cougar and Barack as a man-cub, but Michelle Obama was last seen buying a man-chastity belt and Barack was heard saying, “Damn, woman, that’s not the kind of change I’ve been talking about.”

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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