US Congressman introduces immigration bill for models
Canadian’s eye student visa plan to import strippers
June 17, 2008
Stricken by an apparent shortage of models and strippers, Americans and Canadians are conjuring up legal ways to import more women into the two countries. CBS News reported last week that a New York Congressman has introduced a bill that would create 1,000 new visa slots for foreign fashion models. And Canadian HR Reporter wrote that Ontario’s strip club owners are facing a shortage of exotic dancers and are turning to immigration consultants to find a loophole in the rules. North America’s quest for hot foreign babes is heating up quicker than spicy chicken wings at Hooters.
“North American women are a pain in the ass and not nearly exotic enough for fashion magazines or strip joints,” said Hamster Hughie, a short-haired Neanderthal type who recycles latex and reads only Philosophy Today, Financial Times and Penthouse. “Hot looking women who will do anything and say things that you can’t understand are the ones in vogue today. I’m working on an import deal with China for a whole shipping container of them. We get everything else cheap from China, why not some babes? I’m going to corner the market and be richer than a Mexican drug cartel smuggling Al Qaeda members into Arizona.”
Not everyone thinks foreign babes are hotter than North American ones, or that imports are always best. “You’re going to wind up with lead and asbestos based chicks with STD’s like stink on pigs,” said Albert Schweitzer, a boring old guy with a tendency to spend an inordinate amount of time complaining about man’s inhumanity to man, and silly stuff like that. “Most people after foreign women are just trying to get easy marks who don’t know what they’re up against and can’t complain in a language that anyone understands. Everybody gets exploited in those deals. There’s no difference from one woman to another, regardless of country. Turn’um upside down and they all look alike. Well, maybe there are some differences. I was doing okay until that stupid remark. Sorry about that. I’m always getting myself into trouble over some damn thing.”
CBS News reported that New York Democrat Anthony Weiner has introduced a bill that would create 1,000 new visa slots for foreign fashion models. The congressman says the measure would boost New York’s fashion industry. Overseas models currently compete for so-called H-1B visas, which are intended for highly skilled foreigners who may be computer experts or doctors. The models have not done well, with only 349 slots going to models out of the 85,000 available, the New York Post reported. “Fashion is a vital part of our economy that drives thousands of jobs,” Weiner told the New York Daily News. Ex-supermodel Janice Dickinson told the Daily News, “Forget trying to bring in new meat, let’s divvy it up between the Americans on American soil.” New York’s tabloid newspapers said Weiner, 43, is currently dating Huma Abedin, a Hillary Clinton aide who has posed for Vogue magazine.
HR Reporter said a stripper shortage in Ontario is forcing clubs to get creative. Facing a shortage of foreign exotic dancers, a group representing 53 of Ontario’s strip club owners is turning to immigration consultants to find a loophole in the rules governing foreign workers. The Adult Entertainment Association of Canada is looking for alternative, legal, ways to hire foreign-born strippers and dancers. One way might be to use foreign student visas since foreign students can now work for 20 hours a week in any job, said the group’s executive director Tim Labrinos. In 2004, then-minister of Citizenship and Immigration Canada Judy Sgro resigned after extending the visa of a Romanian exotic dancer who had worked for her election campaign. In the wake of public outcry, immigration officials have been looking at each individual application and visa officers abroad are under orders to screen out women they think might be victims of trafficking, don’t meet health criteria or don’t have a way home after their visas expire. This has led to a reduction in the number of work permits and extensions granted to foreign strippers from 423 in 2004 to just 17 in 2006. Up to 98 per cent of foreign exotic dancers who apply for visas get turned down, said Lambrinos.
In other news, Associated Press reported last week that for the third time in five years, Easton, Maryland police have ticketed someone for going topless in public. Sean Cephus, 18, was cited June 4 when police say he was spotted without a shirt on South Street near Hanson Street. A town ordinance adopted in 1974 forbids anyone from going topless in public buildings or on public streets and sidewalks. Possible penalties are a fine of up to $100 and up to 10 days in jail. Easton Police Lt. Gregory Wright said people without shirts are considered a public nuisance. No word on whether Cephus plans to immigrate to Canada as a foreign stripper looking for work, or if he’ll just go back to taking his walk.
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