Cyber Soldiers and Viagra Laced Teens

The world of today or future madness

Inebriated Press
June 18, 2008

Time.com reported Sunday that a new report produced by top scientists called Human Performance, advises the U.S. Defense Department to be aware of potential foreign powers creating “super soldiers” with hardware implanted in their brains and “pharmaceutical intervention” that has improved their “brain plasticity.”  The report spoke of bad guys able to fight without sleep and housing built-in technology that makes them better able to target U.S. troops than U.S. troops are able to target them.  Meanwhile, the U.K. Daily Mail Online said Saturday that men as young as 18 are taking Viagra to keep up with the “Sex And The City” generation of women.  Debate over the ramifications of altering humans with technology and chemistry is getting knocked around like rural Americans at a Barack Obama fund raiser.

“Insecure nations and men are clinging to technology and pharmaceuticals hoping that it’ll make them macho and allow them to dominate the globe and women,” said Ester Alcohol-Spandex, a platinum blonde astringent who wears snug fitting clothing and frequently makes men lightheaded.  “But machinery and med’s can only help them perform adequately on a physical level.  If they lack true knowledge of human nature and what buttons to push metaphorically, they’ll never get to second base, let alone control a major land mass.  It takes more than technical competence to negotiate a treaty or a hot time in the city on a cool Saturday night.  Some guys try so hard they loose their minds.  Some nations do that too.”

Not everyone thinks the way Alcohol-Spandex does.  “Most men and nations have a pretty good idea of what they want to accomplish and all they need is better technology and the right opportunity to conquer the territory that they’re after.  There’s no question that ingesting chemicals and implanting technology can help them win land mass or a woman’s ass, it’s all about having the right tools,” said Tom Jones, a plumber who occasionally moonlights as a singer, but not very often these days.  “There is nothing that can’t be done if you have the right instrument. Archimedes said, ‘Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.’ I’ve moved a few worlds myself using a long lever and a six pack on a hot summer night.”

TIME reported that a newly uncovered report suggests that foreign powers could someday create a supersoldier, perhaps like Dolph Lundgren in Universal Soldier. A booklet called Human Performance was written by the JASONs, a band of top scientists that advises the Defense Department. The report warns that potential foes could put better troops on the battlefields of tomorrow through medication, surgery and mind training. While such changes are not imminent, the study says, the science behind them needs to be monitored carefully so the U.S. military can anticipate what it might face in a future war. The report says, “This possibility now should be considered with some seriousness, because of rapid advances in understanding brain function, in developing therapies for brain and spinal cord damage, and in psycho-pharmacology.” Understanding “brain plasticity” could let adversaries basically rewire their troops’ minds, “permanently establishing new neural pathways” that could “increase troop effectiveness or modify troop behavior and/or emotional responses.” New “neuropharmaceuticals may have the additional effect of weakening or overwriting existing memories,” the JASONs warn. They could end up being used “in training programs or field operations.” 

The Daily Mail reported that health experts say ever-younger men are increasingly turning to Viagra in a bid to keep up with modern women inspired by the strong female characters in films such as Sex And The City, starring Sarah Jessica Parker. Experts believe the men feel increasingly emasculated by today’s women. They claim that women, following the example of television and film characters, are more vocal about their desires and demand a higher level of stamina and imagination in the bedroom. The pressure is causing an increasing number of men to experience ‘performance anxiety’ and, in extreme cases, is leading to diagnoses of erectile dysfunction, requiring specialist treatment. Dr John Tomlinson, a former GP and trustee of the Sexual Dysfunction Association, said he was hearing from an ‘enormous’ number of 18- to 40-year-olds worried about sexual problems. Dr John Dean, a specialist in sexual medicine, said when Viagra was introduced ten years ago, it would have been unusual to treat men in their 30s. Now, however, it is common, he said. Peter Baker, of the Men’s Health Forum website, said it is ‘well-known’ among health professionals that younger men are turning to Viagra.  Some pundits say that sex and war are both over-rated.

“There is way too much focus on sex and warfare as means to establish inter-country and inter-personal relationships,” said Habeas Corpus, an old fashioned writ with a weakness toward individual freedom and a belief that liberty and justice should trump force and mechanical bulls.  “The power to build good nations and good sex is in the mind.  When rational people communicate and find mutual benefits and pleasure zones they can develop interaction that rubs both countries and men and women the right way.  True victory is obtained when there is mutual seduction and the minds of the players are tuned to give and get.  It will do men and nations well to understand that real victory happens in the mind first and then the body; its ethereal and then physical; winning the quest for the nation-state or for tits and ass is done with foreplay first and orgasm second.”

In other news, Reuters reported Monday that the residents of a Romanian village knowingly voted in a dead man as their mayor in Sunday’s municipal election, preferring him to his living opponent. Neculai Ivascu, 57, who ran the village for almost two decades, died from liver disease just after voting began — but still won the election by a margin of 23 votes. “I know he died, but I don’t want change,” a pro-Ivascu villager told Romanian television. In the end, election authorities gave the post to the runner-up, but some villagers and Ivascu’s party, the powerful opposition Social Democrat Party (PSD), have called for a new vote. No word on whether a combination of high technology and Viagra might get the dead mayor back up and going, but some Romanians are willing to give it a shot.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

 

 

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