Obama Win’s Monkey God Endorsement

One mans god runs another mans business school
Maybe he can run our country too

Inebriated Press
June 26, 2008

Diligent Media (DNA) reported earlier this month that U.S. presidential candidate Barack Obama was seeking blessings from the Hindu god Hanuman in his battle for the White House. Yesterday he got his wish. The UK Metro reported Tuesday in an article entitled, “Hindu god endorses Obama” that a dozen priests have been chanting around a sacred fire in New Dehli as a group of Indians offered prayers to the Hindu monkey god Hanuman to grant victory to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. Earlier this month CNN reported that the monkey god had been named chairman of an Indian business school. Some pundits say Obama is pulling out all the stops in his quest for power, while others say that a candidate who trafficks with monkey gods, America hating preachers and unrepentant pentagon bombers is simply leading a colorful life.

“Who doesn’t hang around guys who want to blow up the Pentagon or worship monkey gods, I mean really, it’s not a big deal,” said Benedict Arnold, a freelancing soldier of fortune who prefers not to be seen wearing an American flag lapel pin but who likes fake presidential seals. “Heck Hitler trafficked in the occult and he was a successful leader. And JFK was Catholic but he didn’t let it interfere with his banging Marilyn Monroe and a host of other chicks. So what if Obama is a Christian-Hindu-Muslim monkey god worshiper. It’s not like he’s going to be the most powerful man in the world and hangs out with strange people for friends. Well, okay, let’s forget I said that. How about, he’s just a guy who wants to bring change to America. You can’t argue that his presidency wouldn’t do that!”

NDTV reported yesterday that priests are performing a special havan at Sankat Mochan Hanuman temple for Barack Obama. Their prayers and good wishes are meant to help Obama become president. “A Hanuman devotee is going to become the most powerful man on earth and so we decided to send him a Hanuman idol after six months of consideration,” says Braj Mohan Bhama, a priest at the temple. And after the havan, they will send a 15 kg hanuman, built specially for the Senator, to America. DNA reported earlier this month that the 46-year-old senator from Illinois, who defeated his rival Hillary Clinton in an epic 17-month long electoral battle for Democratic party nomination, carries a “tiny monkey god” representing “Hanuman” with him for good luck. The article said: “It’s unusual. But, it’s a fact. Barack Obama, the presumptive Democratic party’s presidential nominee, is seeking the blessings of Hindu god Hanuman in his battle for the White House.”

DNA said that Obama, whose father was a Kenyan and mother a white woman from Kansas, spent initial days of his life in Indonesia where Hinduism is a popular religion. The UK Metro wrote yesterday that several dozen people attended the prayers held at a Hanuman temple saying they believed an Obama victory would bring positive change around the world. Local businessman Brij Mohan Bhama, who organised the event, said a victory would be good for India and the rest of world ‘because he stands for change.’ Canadian Press reported that Braj Mohan Bhama said he got the idea for Tuesday’s event after reading reports in Indian media that among the many good luck charms Obama carries is a replica of Hanuman.

Hanuman is one of the most popular gods in the crowded pantheon of Hindu deities, and was made chairman of Sardar Bhagat Singh College of Technology and Management in northern India this year. CNN reported on June 7th that Hanuman, the popular god known for his strength and valor, was named official chairman of the recently opened business school. The article said the position comes with an incense-filled office, a desk and a laptop computer. Four chairs will be placed facing the empty seat reserved for the chairman and all visitors must enter the office barefoot, said Vivek Kangdi, the school’s vice chairman. CNN said all Hindus know that Hanuman can lift mountains and leap oceans, but ancient texts make no mention of his business acumen. Pundits say that if the monkey god can run a business school he can run the United States of America.

“It’s high time we throw out the clowns who have been running the White House and let Obama channel the monkey god and take over the country,” said Speaker of the House, Democrat Nancy Pelosi, running her hands up and down her sides and making slurping sounds. “I am my own god, but if Barack wants to follow some kind of monkey thingy, more power to him. Whatever it takes to turn this country sharply to the left is all I really care about. That and my mansion back home and keeping my face-lift in tact and my boobs perky. Maybe the monkey can give me some tips on that. You think?”

In related news, Abraham Lincoln and George Washington are reportedly spinning in their graves at the idea that American’s would seriously consider electing a one-term Senator with Pentagon bombers for friends, an America hating pastor for twenty years, and an indicted Chicago gangster as his buddies. But someone channeling Marilyn Monroe said not to worry. “As long as he doesn’t turn on his handlers after he’s elected he won’t be assassinated like JFK was. That’s the main thing,” the medium said. “What he does really isn’t important as long as it brings change.” No word on how the monkey god feels about it.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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