iPhone Porn Coming and Victim’s Rights Going

Slumping porn-for-profit industry gets new tech
Supreme Court decides dead victim’s testimony doesn’t count

Inebriated Press
June 30, 2008

TIME reported earlier this month that the technological feats of the new 3G iPhone are key to the coming pornucopia. Leading porn purveyors see the iPhone as a dream come true. Its relatively ample screen size, speedy Web access and ease of use are just part of it. And CNN reported last week that the Supreme Court ruled Wednesday that a convicted killer deserves a new trial because jurors heard testimony that should have been excluded. His ex-girlfriend made the statements shortly before he killed her. Pundits are debating how to keep raw porn out of the hands of children with iPhones, while others wonder if it’s right to keep the raw truth spoken by murder victims from the jury trying their murderer.

“No one should stop information of any kind from being transferred to others who want it. And that’s true for kids who want to play recorded iPhone porn and true for the jury’s who want to hear the recorded words of murder victims before they were killed,” said Babs Masterson, a lean blonde DVD expert who is often seen on the same, but not under that name. “Freedom of expression and freedom of speech demand that there be no prohibitions on the transfer of or the reception of anything. Only the recipient should decide whether they want to have it blocked or filtered or not. Nothing should stand between them and the opportunity to receive it. I got an STD that way, but never mind, that’s another story.”

Not everyone agrees with Masterson. “The government should restrict and control all data being transferred between people by any means. We should not allow the risk of porn getting to children or conservative talk-radio ideas getting to adults, its dangerous and could result in unacceptable behavior,” said Amber Knightly, a limber minx who runs her own juice bar and strip club and is known as a control freak in every possible way. “I think anything should be acceptable for anyone over 18 but before that age a creature shouldn’t even be considered human or have any rights. I think it’s protective to society not to allow them rights or access to information that anyone thinks is harmful. In fact all entities born of a woman should be able to be legally aborted by an over-18 relative up to the age of 18. Except for conservative talk show radio hosts. I’m not sure they’re human at any age. And if there’s any question, I should decide. Other than that, I’m easy.”

TIME reported that Apple may be golden because of the iPhone, but the ‘coming soon’ 3G iPhone device will be the source of forbidden fruit. To date, mobile porn has consisted largely of still images, racy text services and “moan tones,” which are sultry-sounding ringtones. But now, thanks in large part to the iPhone’s video dexterity, short clips are becoming a staple of the mobile porn business. Google Trends, which measures Web buzz, shows a sharp increase over the past year in the popularity of the term “iPhone porn.”

“It’s by far the porn-friendliest phone,” says Devan Cypher, representative for San Francisco–based Sin City Entertainment. As evidence of the gadget’s rocketing popularity in California’s porn capital, the San Fernando Valley, numerous iPhone-specific porn sites have been launched in recent months. Sensing the start of a profitable new era for pocket porn, the adult entertainment industry is investing heavily and feverishly broadening its marketplace of iPhone porn. The industry sees the iPhone 2.0 as having multiple advantages over the first model. The new model will be available in at least 75 countries, enabling content providers to reach new mobile porn viewers all around the world.

CNN reported that the Supreme Court, in a 6-3 vote, reaffirmed the rights of criminal defendants to confront witnesses against them, even in cases where the defendant is responsible for the witness’ absence. The issue arose in the case of Dwayne Giles, arrested in the shooting death of Brenda Avie in 2002, several weeks after she told police that Giles had assaulted her and threatened to kill her. The Court ruled the killer deserves a new trial because jurors heard the testimony of the murder victim. Justice Antonin Scalia said in his majority opinion that domestic violence, though “an intolerable offense,” does not justify “abridging the rights of criminal defendants.” In dissent, Justice Stephen Breyer said the court should have ruled that defendants forfeit their constitutional right to confront witnesses when they are responsible for the witness’ absence from trial. Wednesday’s ruling, Breyer said, “grants the defendant not fair treatment, but a windfall.” Domestic violence experts said they fear the ruling will dissuade victims from going to authorities and make it harder to convict offenders. Some pundits say it’s no big deal since the murder victim is dead anyway and the concept of justice is subjective and relative at best.

“What you say can and will be used against you and maybe others, in a court of law, but only if you’re alive. What you say has no relevance if the person you say it about has killed you, because you’re dead. You forfeit your rights since you lost your life. Tough shit, it’s the Darwinian way and the strong win,” said Adolf Hitler, an innovative government official from a small European country, often misunderstood as a dictatorial tyrant, but who successfully built a strong economy and solid military before disappearing into a bunker. “The Court that decided statements made by dead people are irrelevant is a Supreme one and anything Supreme is right. I was supreme ruler for a while before I died, and I was always right. Those with ultimate power set the rules. They should. Wish I had iPhone Porn back in the bunker. Man was Eva frigid that day.”

In other news, New Zealand’s STUFF reported last week that Playboy founder Hugh Hefner says he suffers from back problems. The 82-year-old Playboy tycoon – who lives with three girlfriends at the infamous Playboy mansion in Los Angeles – is renowned for his womanizing ways, but says his bedroom activities have caused him health problems. He told FoxNews.com: “I have some aches and pains and I have had lower back problems since the 80s. Too much time in bed rustling around with friends!” No word on whether he plans to switch to iPorn, coming soon in a phone near you.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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