Driving Instructor Pimps and Underboob Bans

It’s only illegal if it’s against the law

Inebriated Press
July 1, 2008

Canada’s CNews reported Sunday that an Edmonton driving instructor accused of trying to lure students into the sex trade says he’s innocent. And Canada’s Times Colonist reported that Victoria’s Cheesecake Burlesque Revue flew to Las Vegas to participate in the Miss Exotic World Pageant. It all went pretty well … except for the “underboob” scandal. Now that the hockey season is over, Canadians are busy lining up hookers and battling boob scandals. The ice must have finally thawed up north.

“Some people say we only fish and play ice hockey but we do a lot more than that to keep warm and maintain our population base,” said the mayor of a local town who said he wished to remain anonymous because his hockey team got its ass kicked last season. “Guys up here like sex and boobs just like guys down there who like baseball and NASCAR. Sure our driving instructors have to recruit hookers because we’re short on professionals in that field, but that just shows how creative we are when it comes to outreach and development.”

CNews reported that cops announced Saturday they have charged Vishva Juneja, an Edmonton driving instructor, of trying to lure adult students into the sex trade. The accusation came after a seven-month joint investigation led them to conclude the 63-year-old was allegedly using his two massage parlors’ as fronts for bawdy houses. Police believe their suspect was using his position as an instructor with Alberta Defensive Driving School to try to recruit women to work at one of the two businesses. The charges came following complaints from three women claiming to have been offered jobs at Edmonton massage parlors. The province has revoked Juneja’s business license for the driving school, which he also owns, as well as his driving instructor’s license. Recommendations have been put forward to the city to have his business license for the massage parlor revoked. Juneja says he’s innocent.

The Times Colonist reported that Victoria’s Cheesecake Burlesque Revue flew to Las Vegas in July to participate in the Miss Exotic World Pageant. Some call it the Superbowl of Striptease. This year it was at Palms Casino, where the rich and fatuous can rent “fantasy suites” containing regulation-size bowling lanes or a basketball half-court (cheerleaders cost extra) or showers equipped with stripper poles. The pageant drew such likely lasses as Coco El Camino, BonBon Vivant, Leggsy Von Hellstroke and Pa-ooh-la the Swedish Housewife. It turns out the casino license held by the Palms, courtesy of the Nevada Gaming Commission, made it illegal for the burlesque performers to reveal the underneath of their breasts. So the dancers — already shielding their nipples with pasties or whatever — had to cover up from the areolas down. This in a sin city peppered with strip clubs featuring women who disrobe completely. Also, Nevada is home to legalized brothels … so, go figure. As Kitten Kaboodle sagely noted: “Who books a burlesque weekend at a hotel that’s not allowed to show underboobs?”

In other news, Associated Press reported Saturday that Dutch marijuana coffee shops are bracing for a smoking ban. On July 1, the Netherlands will be one of the last European countries to ban smoking in bars and restaurants in compliance with EU law. The Health Ministry says the ban will apply to cafes that sell marijuana, known as coffee shops. But this being Holland, which for centuries has experimented with social liberalism, there’s a loophole: The ban covers tobacco but not marijuana, which is technically illegal anyway. But that still leaves coffee shops and their customers in a bind. Dutch and other European marijuana users traditionally smoke pot in fat, cone-shaped joints mixed with tobacco. “It’s the world upside down: In other countries they look for the marijuana in the cigarette. Here they look for the cigarette in the marijuana,” said Jason den Enting, manager of coffee shop Dampkring. No word on how much impact it will have on visiting Canadian driving instructors and their foreign hooker recruitment efforts.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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