Daily Archives: July 15, 2008

McDonald’s Okay with Darfur Disaster

China fueling war in Darfur
McDonald’s “Love’s it When China Wins”
Market potential more important than patriotism or lives

Inebriated Press \ Division of Rant
July 15, 2008

BBC News reported Sunday that they have found evidence that China is currently helping Sudan’s government militarily in Darfur, including providing them with large trucks and fighter jets. And The Raw Feed reported Saturday that McDonald’s corporation has chosen a slogan for a massive marketing campaign within China: “Wo jiu xihuan Zhongguo ying,” which roughly translates as, “I LOVE IT WHEN CHINA WINS.” Meanwhile Pakistan, a U.S. ally in the War on Terror will not allow Americans in their country where Bin Laden and Al Qaeda have taken safe haven and are licking their wounds and rebuilding. Debate over the definition of friends and enemies is grinding away like a Jeep with no clutch being down-shifted at 70 miles per hour.

“Friends join with you to kill your enemies, and good companies don’t cheer for countries that support genocide,” said someone claiming to be Redd Foxx, a comedian whose death has reduced routine interviews to almost nothing. Still he tries to comment on things when his cell phone has a connection. “The behavior I see going on in the world would shock me to death if anything tended to shock me and I wasn’t already dead. I do miss air conditioning. Sure is hot where I am now. Wish somebody would send Bin Laden down here with some ice.”

Not everyone thinks Redd Foxx is doing cell phone interviews from hell or that the comments made in his name are accurate. “China and McDonalds are two peas in a pod and Redd Foxx is talking to nobody. China and McDonalds both treat their workers the same, and they both want global domination. I can see why they’d root for each other; that’s no surprise,” said Halley Terrace, a laser eye specialist whose bedside manner is the stuff that dreams are made of. “Redd has been dead too long to understand current events. Heck even U.S. politicians who are alive don’t understand them. And Pakistan, what kind of peace do they think they’re going to win by allowing Al Qaeda and the Taliban to rebuild in their country? Apparently common sense has slipped a disk and isn’t going out anymore. At least it sure looks like we’re way short of both sense and backbone.”

The BBC has found the first evidence that China is currently helping Sudan’s government militarily in Darfur. The Panorama TV programme tracked down Chinese army lorries in the Sudanese province that came from a batch exported from China to Sudan in 2005. The BBC was also told that China was training fighter pilots who fly Chinese A5 Fantan fighter jets in Darfur. Currently a UN embargo requires foreign nations to take measures to ensure they do not militarily assist anyone in the conflict in Darfur, in which the UN estimates that about 300,000 people have died. More than two million people are also believed to have fled their villages in Darfur, destroyed by pro-government Arab Janjaweed militia — radical Muslims that some believe are linked to Al Qaeda. The Panorama TV programme filmed armed lorries in Darfur that came straight from the factory in China to Sudan and were consigned to Sudan’s defense ministry. China’s government has declined to comment on the BBC’s findings.

The Raw Feed reported that shamelessly pandering to Chinese nationalism, the McDonald’s corporation has chosen a slogan for a massive marketing campaign within China timed with the Olympic games: “Wo jiu xihuan Zhongguo ying,” which roughly translates as, “I LOVE IT WHEN CHINA WINS.” Raw Feed said the campaign is objectionable for 3 reasons:

1. There’s a difference between national pride and nationalism; this slogan flat-out panders to the worse elements of Chinese nationalism, which is a weird emotion to exploit in order to sell junk food.

2. Everyone in China understands that goal #1 during the Olympics is to beat the United States in the medal count for the first time ever. That’s a perfectly reasonable goal for the Chinese, but an odd goal for an American corporation.

3. Olympic competition between China and Western countries is in reality a competition between two approaches to the organization of athletic excellence. In the U.S., Japan, Europe, and elsewhere, athletes are amateurs who work day jobs, and do their sport out of love for the game. In China, children showing athletic promise are taken from their parents and placed into grueling training camps where they are forged into world-class athletes at the expense of their childhoods, families and, often, their futures. If athletes want to quit, they and their families are threatened with not being able to find work or worse.

MSNBC reported that Pakistan’s top diplomat said Saturday there are no U.S. or other foreign military personnel on the hunt for Osama bin Laden in his nation, and none will be allowed in to search for the al-Qaida leader. In an interview with The Associated Press, Pakistani Foreign Minister Shah Mahmood Qureshi said his nation’s new government has ruled out such military operations, covert or otherwise, to catch militants. McDonald’s executives say U.S. pundits who disagree with current anti-American actions by other countries or even U.S. corporations are misunderstanding the new age.

“We’re in a new era led by Islamofascism and Communism and anybody with any sense is going to pander to both. Besides China has the potential to be the biggest market McDonalds has in the world, so if we back their victory in the Olympics and wars around the globe, we can ultimately become a Chinese based company with more customers and profits than ever,” said McDonald’s CEO Jim Skinner, ignoring the sound of Ray Kroc spinning in his grave. “It’s good business to back a country that backs Islamic radicals in Darfur that partner with Al Qaeda. It’s also effective business strategy. That’s also why we’re fine with Pakistan doing whatever they want. So what if Islamic fundamentalists killed a few thousand Americans in New York and the Middle East. That’s a handful of customers. Do you realize the size hamburger market that the Muslims and Chinese represent? If I didn’t have a modicum of bladder control I’d pee down my leg with excitement every time I thought about that!”

In other news, TIME reported last Friday that despite the Netherlands permissive marijuana laws, Americans were twice as likely to have tried marijuana than the Dutch. Researchers found that 42% of people surveyed in the United States had tried marijuana at least once, and 16% had tried cocaine. About 20% of residents surveyed in the Netherlands, by contrast, reported having tried pot; in Asian countries, such as Japan and China, marijuana use was virtually “non-existent,” the study found. No word on whether McDonalds U.S. executives plan to sell marijuana in China along with burgers, but if it’ll help China win and McDonald’s profit it’ll probably be on a menu soon.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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