Daily Archives: July 17, 2008

Carnival Workers to Be Named Supreme Court Judges

U.S. Speaker of the House says “they’re my kind of minority”

Inebriated Press
July 17, 2008

Inebriated reporters say U.S. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi told them yesterday that “Carnie” workers are not only qualified to be Supreme Court Justices, they are the best hope Democrats have to reinterpret the U.S. Constitution and get creative rulings that shunt aside silly personal freedoms and allow the federal government a freer hand in doing whatever it wants.

“Carnies have been discriminated against by white American men for too long and it’s time that they take their rightful place in the halls of justice, instead of just barking for Yak women, taking tickets or guessing peoples weights,” said someone claiming to be the House Speaker, while looking in a mirror for new wrinkles and cursing her last plastic surgeon. “They are an unappreciated minority and are fewer in number than Blacks, Hispanics or even the Irish. It’s high time they start deciding what’s right and wrong about America and enforce their views upon the general public.”

Not everyone thinks the Speaker really wants Carnies in charge and some don’t think she even spoke to Inebriated reporters. “They’re making all that stuff up. Nancy would put radical Muslims in charge ahead of Carnies as long as they left Berkeley, California alone,” said Bab’s McGee, a large-boned high-cheeked Amazon-woman who makes a living selling contraband on eBay and getting big tips as a stripper at a Native American juice bar. “Nancy’s my kind of politician. She looks good, lies to your face and has no problem selling out white European illegal immigrants who claim they’re Americans. Sure she’s an asshole, but she’s my kind of asshole.”

Wikipedia says the term Carny or Carnie is slang for a carnival (funfair) employee, as well as the language they employ. The website said a carny is anyone who runs a “joint” (booth), “grab joint” (food stand), game, or ride at a carnival. The word carny is thought to have become popularized around 1931 in North America, when it was first colloquially used to describe “one who works at a carnival.”

The word carnival, originally meaning a “time of merrymaking before Lent,” came into use circa 1549, and may be derived from the Italian carnevale for Shrove Tuesday. The older Milanese Italian forms include carnevale and the Old Pisan carnelevare which interpreted means “to remove meat,” is literally translated “raising flesh,” from the Latin caro, meaning “flesh” and levare, meaning to “lighten, raise”. Folk etymology from the Middle Latin is carne vale, interpreted as “flesh farewell.” Some pundits say Pelosi’s penchant for Carnie judges reflects her belief that the federal government needs to tax the flesh off every American’s bones so they’ll be more compliant and fund her socialist agenda.

“Pelosi’s not as far left as Barack Obama but she’s still a socialist and her agenda fits nicely with his plan,” said Bill Clinton, a former president and left leaning politician who stops short of socialism but never stops short of grabbing the ass of blondes or brunettes. “I think her Carnie plan has merit. I’ve never cared much for Carnies myself because when it comes to politics and law, they don’t know shit. Still, I appointed Janet Reno the U.S. Attorney General, so I can’t say much. And I married Hillary. I get credit for Monica though right?”

In other news, the Orlando Sentinel reported Monday that Playboy.com is featuring a new online pictorial called “The Girls of Olive Garden.” The article said five Olive Garden servers and a hostess are featured. Olive Garden spokeswoman Mara Frazier said the chain did not cooperate with Playboy.com nor did it choose to participate in the photo feature. She said employees were not disciplined for partaking in the photo shoot. In the past, Playboy has run similar pictorials of workers from big chains such as Wal-Mart and McDonald’s. No word on whether Playboy plans any Carnie Supreme Court Judge pictorials but if they promise to kick cash toward the federal till you can bet Nancy Pelosi will promote the idea. Bill Clinton had no comment as he sat surfing the net and drooling on his keyboard.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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