Daily Archives: July 22, 2008

Warehousing Addicts and Shrinking Booze Glasses

San Francisco gives housing to homeless addicts
UK battles binge drinking by shrinking size of glasses

Inebriated Press
July 22, 2008

The San Francisco Chronicle reported last week that most of San Francisco’s homeless now have tax payer-funded and city-supplied housing, and while most remain addicts and continue to panhandle, stagger around drunk in public, and loiter in the streets, the heavily taxed citizens should feel good about it. And the UK Times reported that government officials are pressing pubs to reduce the size of the glasses they use and by so doing, end the risky habit of binge drinking. The efforts of government officials to treat the symptoms of problems while ignoring root causes, continues to cost taxpayers around the globe.

“Officials who give free houses to people who spend their money on drugs and booze are just enabling them to continue their lifestyle, and officials who think that by using smaller drinking glasses people will consume less, seem to have forgotten that shot glasses have existed for as long as drunks have,” said Lacy Pathright-McGee, a narrow-wasted, broad-hipped blonde, with twin double-D towers of womanhood, all providing underlying infrastructure to the 180 IQ tucked between her ears. “You’re not going to make solid-citizen-homemakers by giving a house to an addict anymore than you’re going to stop someone determined to drink themselves silly by making them use a smaller glass. That’s like saying my double-D’s will become C’s if I buy a smaller bra, or that Barack Obama is a patriot because he traveled to Iraq. Only an idiot would believe shit like that.”

Not everyone thinks Pathright-McGee is on the right track. “Getting homes for vagrants is the first step on the path to making them useful and productive citizens. In fact if we buy housing for everybody who doesn’t have housing but wants it, we’ll be creating demand for housing and help turn the home market crisis around. That’s some real win-win stuff,” said Bobby Boilerplate-Socialist, a caring and compassionate out-of-work journalism major, who believes that the quicker Obama starts income redistribution the better it will be for everyone except hard working taxpayers who need to suck it up and quit whining. “And of course new laws that reduce the size of drink glasses in bars will immediately cut back on drinking just like free condoms and birth control patches have cut back on underage sex and venereal disease. It’s high time that government is empowered with greater control over our lives. The only real way to provide greater freedom and a smaller tax burden for Americans is to increase the size of government and add new regulations. Why can’t some people understand that? And why won’t the Wall Street Journal hire me? Assholes.”

The San Francisco Chronicle reported that a civil grand jury report released last Wednesday says that the city should be proud of getting over 4,000 homeless people into housing since 2004 but distressed at the scene on the streets. Panhandling, public drunkenness and street loitering are still an unpleasant reality downtown. Hardly a week goes by without a note or e-mail from a tourist who was shocked by behaviors and conditions in the city. “We just warehouse addicts,” said the grand jury’s Stuart Smith. “Granted, it is a nicer place for them, but it doesn’t address the problem.”

“I think the grand jury did an excellent job,” Dariush Kayhan, head of the city’s homeless program said. “We got people into housing, but we acknowledge that it is now time to make the next step, moving on to jobs, treatment and schools.” The tough part, as always, is how to do that. The fact is, despite a supportive housing effort that has gotten national attention, the streets don’t seem that much better. And there doesn’t seem to be a standard of measurement for what the programs are trying to accomplish. “We can’t get the Board of Supervisors to pass a code of conduct for themselves,” said Randy Shaw, executive director of the Tenderloin Housing Clinic. “Let alone for the homeless.”

The UK Times Online reported that pubs and bars could be forced to offer smaller glass sizes under plans to tackle binge drinking being drawn up by ministers. Action against premises that offer the largest measures of wine and spirits as standard is one of the key elements of a package due to be announced this autumn.

A Whitehall source said: “We can’t force people to drink sensibly – but we can help them to understand how many units they are drinking, the harm they may be doing to themselves and make it easier to buy smaller drinks if they want to. The Government can’t do that alone. We need ‘buy-in’ from the industry and we need them to offer smaller glasses of wine or smaller spirit measures. It’s time for the industry to take more responsibility for the consequences of how they serve customers. Customers should not have to ask for a small glass.”

Professor Ian Gilmore, the President of the Royal College of Physicians, called on the drinks industry to take action on glass sizes. “People are aware of units, they want to stay within safe limits, but they are being pushed up way over those limits by just not realizing what they are drinking. The industry is being irresponsible and needs to put its house in order.”

Apparently some government officials think that citizens don’t actually make any decisions of their own and it’s up to officials to think for them. “You can’t expect an addict or binge drinker to know when to stop drinking or go to work everyday and pay taxes and buy their own homes,” said I.M. Godd, a U.S. government bureaucrat, whose taxpayer funded retirement plan and healthcare program guarantees him better benefits than seventy percent of the citizens paying for it. “That’s why it’s critical that we take more money from hard working Americans who seem to be addicted to employment and productivity. They’re odd balls and we need to harness that silly work ethic they’ve got, and make them pay for everything that normal folks want to have but won’t work for. Income redistribution is the new American way. Go ‘Bama go!”

In other news, the Bangor Daily reported Friday that a Maine fisherman used his fishing rod to hook and reel in a man who survived a jump from a bridge and was drowning in the Kennebec River.

Bob Greene of Hallowell says he heard what he thought was a cormorant making noise in the distance at 4:30 a.m. on Thursday as he was having his coffee and reading his newspaper. He says about 20 minutes passed before he realized there was a man bobbing down the river.

Greene says his first instinct was to jump in but a 911 dispatcher told him to throw something to the man. So he snagged the man’s shirt with a fishing lure and reeled him in. The man was in critical condition at Maine Medical Center in Portland. No word on why the man jumped to begin with, or whether Greene will have to fund the man’s housing or adjust the size of the drinking glasses he plans to use in the future; but if left leaning government officials have their way, the U.S. taxpayers will be on the hook again and it won’t be the result of the government saving us from drowning. It’ll be the other way around.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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