Daily Archives: July 25, 2008

How to solve high gas prices and traffic tickets

Special no-tax gas deal for Democrats in Denver
Special license plates for government workers in California
 

Inebriated Press
July 25, 2008

Rocky Mountain News reported Tuesday that the committee hosting the Democratic National Convention has used the city’s gas pumps to fill up and avoid paying state and federal fuel taxes. The tax avoiding plan may actually be an extension of a program initiated in California that allows government officials and their families to dodge traffic tickets by receiving special license plates. The evidence that Democrats and Socialists really do have it better than hard-working regular folks, is starting to pile up like the federal deficit.

Obama refusing an American flag lapel pin while talking income redistribution.

Obama refusing an American flag lapel pin while talking income redistribution.

“It’s high time that the socialist plans of the Democrat party start paying off for bureaucrats and campaign workers like it should,” said Hefty Bottom-Sunbeam, an Obama campaign worker, who supports income redistribution and free healthcare for people with big asses.  “It’s the god and gun loving idiots who should do all the work and pay us to sit on our butts and dream big and tell them what to do, because we know better.  We love America and want to change it as fast as we can.  It’s the Obama vision that we embrace.  And giving your money to me is the right way to get things going.  Hand me your wallet.”

Not everyone is signing up for the Bottom-Sunbeam plan.  “Tax-free gas for Obama’s supporters in Denver and no-fault license plates for government officials and their families in California is exactly what Obama, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi want, and on the surface it looks fine, but under the surface the rest of us pay out of our asses,” said Bubbles Boob-Jobb, a free-loving convenience store clerk, who often gets serious when looking below the surface of things and finding shit she’d like to stop.  “All the blue smoke and mirrors that Obama and the Democrats are spitting around is designed to fake us out. They’ve been up front with statements about hiking our taxes and taking our money and giving it to the United Nations and non-working addicts the same way San Francisco does.  They’ve just tried to distract us with chaff.  Well, both the U.N. and San Francisco are corrupt, and giving our hard earned money to a scheme like that is stupid at best and robbery at worst.  It’s disgusting.”

Rocky Mountain News reported that the committee hosting the Democratic National Convention has used the city’s gas pumps to fill up and apparently avoided paying state and federal fuel taxes. The practice, which began four months ago, may have ended hours after its disclosure. An aide to Mayor John Hickenlooper released a statement Tuesday evening saying that Denver 2008 Host Committee members would pay market prices for fuel and would also be liable for all applicable taxes.  However, Public Works spokeswoman Christine Downs told City Council members just hours before that host committee members were fueling up at the city pumps. The city does not pay taxes on the fuel for its fleet, and Downs said the host committee would not either.

City Councilman Charlie Brown raised the question of whether the host committee would be paying fuel taxes, and Downs said it wouldn’t. “There’s something there that just doesn’t seem right to me because, in a sense, you’re saying then that the officials who pass the laws are not willing to live by them,” said Councilwoman Jeanne Faatz. Hickenlooper said the practice isn’t unique to Denver.

“I do know for a fact that they’re doing the same exact thing in Minneapolis,” Hickenlooper said, referring to the city that along with St. Paul is hosting the Republican National Convention. But Teresa McFarland, a spokeswoman for the Minneapolis-St. Paul host committee, said its members are getting their gas at public pumps. “We’re not getting a tax break on fuel,” she said. “That’s not the setup at this end.”

In Colorado, consumers pay 40.4 cents per gallon in state and federal fuel taxes – unless you’re a Democrat campaign worker.

The California Politburo rides free.

The California Politburo rides free.

The Orange County Register reported earlier this year that a Register investigation found a confidential license plate program that shields California officials and their families from paying tolls and getting traffic tickets. The state program hides their home address on Department of Motor Vehicles records so no tickets can ever be delivered to them. The agency that operates the tollway also does not have legal access to their address and can’t bill them when they blow past toll takers.

An Orange County Register investigation has found that the program, designed 30 years ago to protect police from criminals, has been expanded to cover hundreds of thousands of public employees – from police dispatchers to museum guards – who face little threat from the public.

Their spouses and children can get the plates, too. The Register found that the confidential plate program shields these motorists in ways most of us can only dream about:

•Vehicles with protected license plates can run through dozens of intersections controlled by red light cameras and breeze along the 91 toll lanes with impunity.

•Parking citations issued to vehicles with protected plates are often dismissed because the process necessary to pierce the shield is too cumbersome.

•Some patrol officers let drivers with protected plates off with a warning because the plates signal that the drivers are “one of their own” or related to someone who is.

The Register used public records laws to obtain OCTA computer logs for the 91 Express Lanes and found 14,535 unpaid trips by motorists with confidential plates in the past five years. A Register analysis showed that was 3,722 separate vehicles, some running the toll road hundreds of times. That’s only about $29,500 in tolls, but under the penalty schedule set by state law, fines for chronic violators can reach $500 per toll, which would total more than $5 million for the confidential plate holders with multiple violations if they ignored warning notices.

An activist who lobbies for fair traffic laws said the entire program is out of control.  But not everyone sees it that way.

Bill Clinton doing one more thing he can get away with.

Bill Clinton doing one more thing he can get away with.

“A Democrat should be allowed to do anything and get away with it,” said Bill Clinton, a former president who lied to a Grand Jury, screwed interns in the oval office, and then pardoned arms dealers and got away with all of it.  “There are some whiners who think you have to earn the right to do things and that fair play is part of the American dream.  Maybe it used to be but not anymore.  Today you do what you can get away with, and when you make the rules you run the setup and get all the juice.  That’s the way it is and the way it should be.  You think you don’t know what Obama stands for because he changes his mind all the time?  His consistency is inconsistency.  Get used to it.  You’re in for a wild four years kid’s.  I can hardly wait!”

In other news, Fox reported yesterday that despite the constant favorable news coverage Barack Obama is receiving on his foreign trip, his poll numbers haven’t seen a bounce. A just-released FOX News poll shows Obama now holds the slimmest possible edge over John McCain, leading 41 percent to 40 percent in a head-to-head contest. In fact, Obama’s support is down from 45 percent last month. No word on who gets to enjoy tax-free gas or traffic-ticket free driving next, but maybe if Obama shares it with the “god and guns” people they’ll toss a few more votes his way.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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North American Anarchists Take a Holiday, But Not the Russians

U.S. and Canadian anarchists spend week in Sheboygan
Russia may deploy long-range bombers to Cuba

Inebriated Press
July 25, 2008

The Idaho Statesman reported Monday that anarchists from throughout the United States and Canada descended on a Sheboygan County Wisconsin village for four days of workshops last week.  And Deutsche Presse-Agentur reported that the Russian military is considering deploying long-range bombers to Cuba to counter a perceived threat from the U.S. missile defense shield planned for the Czech Republic and Poland.  Terrorists and drunken hoot owls see this as a mere distraction to beheadings and daily cartoon reading, but Congressional Democrats are pressing the White House to relocate troops from Afghanistan, Iraq and Europe to Wisconsin.

“The threat to dairy cows and Wisconsin Cheese from anarchists has reached a boiling point and there’s no time to waste in idle contemplation about ramifications of troop withdrawals from the Middle East or the European Union,” said Senate majority leader Harry Reid, buttering both sides of a piece of bread and trying to be all things to leftists and socialists.  “I hate the Right with a passion and the Far Right even more than I hate fair-play in government dealing.  It’s time that both parties set aside petty differences and do what I want because we have cheese at risk here.  Cheese Gromit, cheese!”

Not everyone thinks that pulling American troops out of the Middle East or Europe will improve global stability or safety in the United States.  “Europe has remained stable under the careful watch and support of the U.S. following World War 2, and we’ve gained ground as the Soviet Union collapsed and Eastern European nations began developing individual freedom and the economic infrastructure necessary to improve living standards and health in their nations,” said an innocent bystander who just happened to be paying attention, unlike most Democrats in Congress.  “By staying in the Middle East and adjusting to the threats from Al Qaeda and Iran in Afghanistan and Iraq, we bring stability and both economic and personal freedoms to those people.  Arabs have been killing each other indiscriminately for generations so things are tougher to fix there than it was in Europe, but the outcome is worth it.  They’re not killing us here and some are getting a taste of real freedom – both personal and economic.  We have to stare down those nay-sayers who want us out, like Bin Laden, Obama, the Iranians, Russians and Democrats.”

The Idaho Statesman reported that some 150 anarchists from throughout the United States and Canada descended on a strip of private land last week in the village of Waldo, in Sheboygan County, Wis., for four days of workshops, including some focused on strategizing for demonstrations at the upcoming Democratic and Republican national conventions. The 2008 CrimethInc. Convergence was the sixth annual communal campout organized by CrimethInc. Ex-Workers’ Collective, an international underground network that since the mid-1990s has published widely read anarchist texts such as “Recipes for Disaster: An Anarchist Cookbook.”

The group also has drawn the attention of FBI agents trying to infiltrate the protest movement. At the 2004 CrimethInc. gathering in Iowa, an undercover FBI operative met Eric McDavid, a California man who was found guilty last year of conspiring to burn or blow up a federal facility.

“The locals are welcome,” media liaison and local circus performer Pinkerton Xyloma said. “We have a no-media policy because the media are not considered individuals. It is a concern that people from the media will not respect people’s consent or consensus.” Xyloma would not say why the group was gathered in Wisconsin or what participants were discussing. He said they had no interest in violence or terrorism. According to their website the focus of the 2008 convergence was on strategizing for action at the national conventions and “longer-range anarchist endeavors.” Among the presenters: The RNC Welcoming Committee, an anarchist group preparing to disrupt the 2008 Republican National Convention in Minnesota.

Deutsche Presse-Agentur reported that the Russian military may deploy long-range bombers in Cuba to counter the U.S. missile defense shield planned to be based in the Czech Republic and Poland, according to Russian media reports Monday. “At the moment, there are just thoughts – but that doesn’t mean there isn’t something concrete behind it,” an unidentified officer was quoted as telling Izvestiya newspaper.

A former base commander, Lieutenant-General Mikhail Oparin, was quoted as welcoming the idea. “Russia’s air fleet must work towards a presence in every corner of the world,” he told Interfax news agency. “An extended radius of action for our air force could be a response to the one-sided action of the USA in setting up a strategic system on Russia’s borders.” Russia views the planned deployment of ten US missiles in Poland and a radar facility in the Czech Republic as a threat. However, the presence of Russian bombers in Cuba would provoke an international conflict, the Izvestiya report said. Some pundits say that actions involving anarchy and long-range bombing are merely different attempts to communicate ones ideals, and should be respected like other peoples languages.

“Just because anarchists hang out in Wisconsin and Russia wants to put long-range bombers in Cuba doesn’t mean that they’re bad, or that they’re a threat to anyone,” said a junior Senator from Chicago named Barack Obama, a clever speaker, and friend to racketeers’ and anti-American ministers.  “If America would provide enough free healthcare and housing assistance to the world through the United Nations like I’m proposing, and will start wearing head scarves and adopting pro-Iranian nuclear ambitions, we’ll have peace in our time and they’ll kill us last.  It’s a dream that I have and with my platform of change, it’s a dream that I can bring to reality in America.  The American people just have to stop clinging to god, guns, their bank accounts and personal freedoms, and adopt my platform of change so that we can realize this bright, new world.  I love America.  That’s why I want to change it into something else.”

In other news, OMG! reported last week that actress Salma Hayek called off her engagement to French billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault the father of her daughter Valentina.  And ABC News reported last week that Penelope Cruz is keen to follow best pal Salma Hayek’s example and start a family.  No word on whether Cruz plans to have billionaire Pinault knock her up like Hayek but reportedly anarchists are keen on the idea.  Vladimir Putin says he’ll swing by and take care of her himself if she wants, since he’ll be in the area with some bombers.  Reportedly he said, “Communication takes many forms and I’m willing to have lots of communication with Penelope.  And I have big powerful missiles.  I’ll show her my favorite one.”

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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