Michelle Obama Announces Nude Luncheon Fund-Raiser

Trend-setting Jeremiah Wright supporter gets creative

Inebriated Press
July 30, 2008

Michelle Obama, wife of presidential candidate and first term U.S. Senator Barack Obama, has announced a nude luncheon fundraiser for Obama’s presidential campaign to be held in New York with New Yorkers who prefer nudity over god and guns.  Reportedly Michelle wants to reposition her image away from that of a bitchy woman who only began to feel proud of America when Barack started making headway in the polls.  The UK Metro reported last Friday that nude dining is a hot new craze and apparently Michelle has grabbed hold of the new trend as a way to spin out of her negative image, and raise a little cash at the same time.

“I feel that Michelle’s plans for fundraising through public nudity is both warranted and creative, and while I don’t typically condone her baring her breasts and other stuff for public purview, I think that her motives are good and like Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, it’s the caring attitude that really counts, not what anyone actually does,” said the junior Senator from Illinois, quoting himself in an undefined context which will be clarified at a later date.  “We are who we’ve been waiting for, and a little flesh for money now and then is also something that many of us have been waiting for.  It’s time that we set aside divisive talk and change out of our old attitudes and clothing.  I support my wife’s efforts to flaunt herself in an attempt to help us gain money and power, and I’ll continue my audacity as I hope to be crowned the leader of the free world.  So help me god… or someone else, I’m not sure about god or guns, I try not to cling to them you know.”

Some pundits are uncomfortable with the continuing focus of Democrat politicians, past, present and future, on sex and nudity.  “Why can’t we just get a president like Abraham Lincoln who put God and Country ahead of sex and nudity,” asked Sloe Learner, a conservative rural American who frequently clings to god and guns in physical and metaphysical ways.  “I know that John Kennedy set a standard for Democrats with Marilyn Monroe and other babes in the White House, and Bill Clinton jumped on that horse and rode it all with way to the blue dress episode.  But this naked Democrat illicit sex stuff is getting kind of old, what with New York Governor Spitzer and Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick getting in on the sex play.  Heck Democrat politicians’ at all levels are stripping down and jumping everything that moves.  Where did statesmanship go?  If I wanted this kind of behavior in government I’d vote for Hugh Hefner.”

The Metro reported that as temperatures rise New York’s summer diners are foregoing pesky clothes and joining the Optional Clothing Diners club. The group, whose motto is “no hot soup”, boasts a membership of 50 and regularly attends restaurants in the city for healthy, clothes-free meals. “We’re just more comfortable nude,” said John Ordover, who rents city eateries for dinner parties with a strict dress code – no clothes allowed. “We’re not out to shock or put on a public spectacle. We want only to do things that other people do in the way that we are most comfortable doing them. That, for us, is without clothes,” he said. “If you work in a restaurant in New York City, the chances are you’ve seen a lot more shocking things than a room full of naked diners,” he added. Michelle Obama agrees.

“It’s not like I’ll be selling sex for money, it’ll just be a tasteful nude luncheon with cucumber sandwiches and vodka on the rocks and the acceptance of cash for promises of future things to be defined later,” said Michelle, winking and rubbing her hand up her right leg as she extended it in the direction of the North Pole.  Then wrapping her tongue around a swizzle stick she flicked it into the heart of a passing Republican.  “I’m just a simple country girl who was born in Chicago and didn’t even kill my first man until my fourteenth birthday.  What’s a little public nudity between consenting financiers and power brokers?  I didn’t go to Princeton University and Harvard Law School just to stay busy.  I do whatever I need to in order to get what I want.  Now hand me that g-string, I need to practice for the luncheon and may do a strip tease for an extra 20 percent.”

In other news, Metro reported Friday that a job vacancy for a naked cleaner is being advertised at a Jobcentre, the Department for Work and Pensions confirmed. The advertisement, placed in Southampton, Hampshire, by the firm Knobs ‘n’ Knockers, says that it is looking for applicants of both sexes to do washing-up and ironing in the nude. No word on how many former Knobs ‘n’ Knockers workers are currently helping run the Obama for President Campaign, but Bill Clinton says, “The more the merrier.”

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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