Daily Archives: August 9, 2008

Britney Spears a Lesbian Killer, Will Connecticut Take Her Gun?

Spears channels killer-stripper in new Tarantino film
Connecticut law allows cops to seize guns before crime

Inebriated Press
August 9, 2008

The UK Telegraph reported Wednesday that Britney Spears will play a lesbian killer in Quentin Tarantino’s remake of the film “Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!” And WorldNetDaily reported Monday that a Connecticut state law allows police to confiscate firearms based on suspicion that the gun owners might harm someone.  Debate over whether people grappling with psychological problems should pretend to be killers and whether cops should cease weapons based on their opinion about someone’s psychological make-up, is getting as thick as the air at a Beijing Olympic venue.

“Britney has so many psychological problems that the court gave control of her money and personal life to her dad, so someone who honestly cares about her can try to get her back into the real world.  Her pretending to be a lesbian-stripper-killer is a big mistake,” said Blanche Mei-Daley, a Pittsburgh steel mill worker, with hooters the size of lower Manhattan and a brain to match.  “I know Brit’s dad is trying to gradually get her back into show business and she did okay in the CBS sitcom ‘How I Met Your Mother,’ but prepping your brain so you can act like a crazy killer bitch doesn’t fit the profile of someone adjusting gradually into a normal life.  Of course we’re talking Hollywood here and anyone who can stay upright is considered mostly okay.”

Not everyone sees it the way Blanche Mei-Daley does.  “At heart Britney is a lesbian-stripper-killer-whore who likes to sing a little to turn some cash and pay the bills,” said Sandi Shore-Nuff, a Nevada psychologist who wears six-shooters in public because she can, and nothing at all whenever possible.  “This is the kind of film that allows her to be who she is, and it’s going to restart her career and maybe get her an Academy Award and Tarantino his first Oscar.  You can’t discount proper casting in a movie.  Britney’s’ dad is okay with it because he knows his own daughter.  He also figures its way better that she act out her fantasies and get paid for it legitimately, than do it in real life and go to prison.  That was the road she was on.  He’s trying to guide her down this path so she acts the way she wants in the movies and cuts down on it during normal around-town days.  He’s damn near a genius.  You know he’s planning to get Jamie Lynn in ‘Knocked Up Part 2’ don’t you?  It’s another example of perfect casting.  The guy could run Hollywood.” 

The Telegraph reported that Britney Spears is being lined up to play a killer lesbian stripper in Quentin Tarantino’s next movie. The singer was apparently chosen by the Pulp Fiction director to play dancer Varla in a remake of the 1965 cult film Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! The movie sees three thrill-seeking strippers encountering a young couple in the desert. Spears’ character murders the boyfriend with her bare hands before taking the girlfriend hostage. A source said: “Quentin is convinced Britney will be brilliant. She’s delighted. She thinks it could turn her career around. It is perfect Tarantino material. He wanted to get Britney first. She’s playing the most important character.” The troubled singer will also have sex scenes with another girl before the drama ends in a blood-bath.

The Sun reported earlier this month that Britney’s dad Jamie Spears will continue to control the singer’s estate until the end of the year. He was given legal authority over Britney’s finances and affairs on February 1 after her public meltdown in January. A source said: “The extension of the conservatorship was at the request and suggestion of Britney’s doctors. They’ve indicated she’s made great improvement, but it’s a work in progress.”

WorldNetDaily reported that a new report to the Connecticut state legislature shows police have used the state’s unique gun seizure law to confiscate more than 1,700 firearms from citizens based on suspicion that the gun owners might harm themselves or others. The state’s law permits police to seek a warrant for seizing a citizen’s guns based on suspicion of the gun owner’s intentions, before any act of violence or lawbreaking is actually committed.

The law has remained hotly debated since its passage, as some point to possible murders and suicides it may have prevented, and others worry that police would abuse the law. Joe Graborz, executive director of the Connecticut Civil Liberties Union, an affiliate of the ACLU, told WND the law “continues to invest unusual and far-reaching powers in police authority that does not belong there” by requiring “police to act as psychologists in trying to predict and interpret behavior.”  Some pundits say subjective gun control is progress, while others say the U.S. isn’t acting like a freedom loving country.

“People who have guns or act like lesbian-stripper-killer-whore’s shouldn’t be oppressed by Britney’s doctors, cops or the state of Connecticut just because they make some people in the U.S. uncomfortable,” said Juicy Fruitt-Felon, a mind-reading acrobat, who makes a living writing air quality reports for the Chinese government. “Everyone should be able to do whatever they want in the U.S. because the country says it’s free and democratic.  Here in China that doesn’t apply because we don’t claim to be free or democratic.  We suppress whomever we want, harvest their organs if we feel like it, and tell people that the air over the Beijing Olympic Games is clear even when there’s smog. We define reality our own way here.  I do like that Connecticut gun law you guys got though.  It fits right in with our own philosophy.  You’ll adapt more quickly when we take over than I first thought.”

In other news, KNBC Los Angeles reported Wednesday that a police officer noticed an unusual bulge in a man’s pants at a Wal-Mart Supercenter in Palm Springs, and asked him if he had anything on him that the officer should know about. Sgt. Mitch Spike said the arresting officer was surprised when Timothy Yates, 46, lifted up his shirt and removed a 3 1/2 pound package of Foster Farms chicken breasts from the front of his pants.  Yates was booked on suspicion of possessing stolen property and taken to jail, where he was locked up in lieu of $5,000 bail Tuesday evening, police said. No word on whether he had previously pretended to have chicken breasts stuffed in his underwear, or whether the police officers divined his psychological profile before the arrest.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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