Digital Drugs and Banned Movies

Web delivers mind altering sounds that act like drugs
UK debates banning everyone under-age-18 from movies that contain smoking

Inebriated Press
August 13, 2008

USA Today reported last Friday that websites are targeting children with so-called “digital drugs.” These are audio files designed to induce drug-like effects by altering brain wave frequencies.  And UK’s The People website reported Sunday that doctors in Britain want children banned from watching any film that shows stars smoking cigarettes. They are demanding all movies featuring smoking scenes should get an 18 certificate in cinemas – just like films with explicit sex and violence.  Debate over personal freedom and the use of technology breaks out like Dolly Parton in a bra giving way due to weak clasps.

“Technology must be constrained and controlled and that’s true of Internet sounds, movies that show smoking and the Russian and Iranian military,” said Knight Trane-Lane, a retired tobacco industry lobbyist, who changed sides one night after a bout of heavy cheese eating.  “I used to think that personal freedom had no bounds and that no one should interfere with anyone who wanted to alter their brain, smoke, obtain nuclear weapons, or invade countries on their border by claiming that they had citizens of their own at risk in that country.  You know the excuse Russia is using today is the same one that Hitler used when he invaded Austria?  Anyway, I’m against all of that today.  We have to have the U.N. take over control of our lives and tell us what to do.  Only self appointed dictators and socialists like most of the members of the U.N. understand what’s best for us.  That’s why Obama is so big on the U.N. and his proposed Global Poverty Act which will send them $845 billion more US tax dollars than we already contribute.  Wait a minute.  Maybe Putin and Ahmadinejad are already in that category.  I guess they probably know what’s best. Never mind.”

Some people believe that freedom is just chaos with P.R. spin, and they like it.  “All things for all people who want it, that’s what I say,” said Twisty Mellon, an ex-CIA operative and hotel desk clerk, currently smuggling silicon across state lines in her breasts.  “You don’t want to pay taxes, you shouldn’t have to.  You want to listen to mind altering sounds or smoke regardless of your age.  Go for it.  I think restrictions of any kind hinder humankind and are artificial and subjective.  There are no real rules here except those we allow to be imposed on us.  It’s silly to think that anyone should be able to make anyone of us do what they want.  I smoke, I like sex and drugs.  If Russia likes to takeover other countries, what do I care.  You know the digital drug thing is really just so cool. The only cost you have is an Internet connection and once you download the sounds you can use them over and over for free. I can get screwed up for next to nothing.  This will run drug dealers out of business and we still fly high.  Outstanding!”

USA Today reported that parents now have one more thing to worry about: digital drugs.  Digital drugs are audio files designed to induce drug-like effects. They’re ambient sounds designed to affect your brain waves. There are different slang terms for digital drugs. They’re often called “idozers” or “idosers.” All rely on the concept of binaural beats. For binaural beats to work, you must use headphones. Different sounds are played in each ear. The sounds combine in your brain to create a new frequency. This frequency corresponds to brain wave frequencies. There are different brain wave frequencies. These frequencies are related to different states like relaxation and alertness.

The article said some websites provide binaural beats that have innocuous effects. For example, some claim to help you develop extrasensory powers like telepathy and psychokinesis. However, most sites are more sinister. They sell audio files (“doses”) that supposedly mimic the effects of alcohol and marijuana. But it doesn’t end there. You’ll find doses that purportedly mimic the effects of LSD, crack, heroin and other hard drugs. There are also doses of a sexual nature. There are even ones that supposedly simulate heaven and hell. 

Many are skeptical about the effects of digital drugs. Few scientific studies have been conducted on binaural beats. However, a Duke University study suggests that they can affect mood and motor performance. Dr. Nicholas Theodore, a brain surgeon at Barrow Neurological Institute in Phoenix, said there is no real evidence that idosers work. But he noted that musical preference is indicative of emotional vulnerability. Trying idosers could indicate a willingness to experiment with drugs and other dangerous behavior. Companies that sell digital drugs take both sides of the argument. They say that the doses are extremely powerful. Some are recommended only for experienced users. The sites also look favorably on the effects of illegal drugs.

UK’s The People website, reported that top British doctors are saying children should be banned from watching ANY film showing stars smoking cigarettes. And they are demanding all movies featuring smoking scenes should get an 18 certificate in cinemas – just like films awash with explicit sex and violence. They fear kids are encouraged to light up when they see their screen heroes puffing away. Such a rule would put children’s classic 101 Dalmatians – starring Glenn Close as evil fag hag Cruella De Vil – in the same X-rated category as gangster comedy Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels.

The UK article said the crackdown plea comes in a Royal College of Physicians’ report which was commissioned after a US survey found HALF the teenagers who smoke started because they saw movie stars having a drag. But actors’ union Equity hit back: “This is a form of censorship – we can’t just pretend no one smokes. “How could you depict Churchill without an actor smoking a cigar? The very idea is ridiculous.” And the British Board of Film Classification – who decide a movie’s certificate – said: “We’ll end up with the bizarre situation where perfectly acceptable films get an 18 just because an actor has a cigarette.” Some pundits warn that nanny-state rules for our protection are getting out of hand.

“I like freedom and the rule of law and a proper balance between both is critical to a free society and a strong economy,” said Hapless Dissident, a London cinema owner, currently pondering subconscious use of digital drugs in his theater so he can increase business.  “If this kind of stuff keeps up, kids will only be allowed to go to movies where people shoot each other, have sex and take drugs.  Where will it end?  We have to let some of this stuff go and let people decide for themselves.  We’re protecting people to death and hurting everybody.”

In other news, Agence France Presse reported Saturday that cinema owners in Britain are considering banning popcorn in their theaters because it’s smelly and messy. And the Boston Globe reported Friday that drug companies want Governor Deval Patrick to kill legislation that would clamp down on drug companies that provide gifts and meals to physicians.  No word on how popcorn farmers and pharmaceutical companies feel about digital drugs or if they think children under 18 should ever see someone with a cigarette.

Up next: “Cigarettes, the New Porn.  See them Light Up!”  Children under 18 Not Admitted.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Comments Off on Digital Drugs and Banned Movies

Filed under Humor, IP News

Comments are closed.