Court Supports Sex on Company Time

Pregnancy Discrimination Act OK’d for infertility treatment
Employees spotted having sex in office by passerbys

Inebriated Press
August 14, 2008

The Wall Street Journal reported yesterday that a three-judge panel in Chicago found women who need time off work for infertility treatment may invoke the Pregnancy Discrimination Act as potential protection against adverse action.  And UK’s Chronicle Online reported Tuesday that two council contract staff have been suspended after they were seen having sex in an office.  Debate is heating up over why some people can use work hours for techie sex, but others are getting fired for doing it nature’s way.

“It’s absurd to think that women who want to get pregnant using complex technical procedures should get special treatment while those who want to get pregnant the old fashioned way lose their jobs just for trying.  It isn’t right,” said Mary Christmas, a stunning blonde co-ed, currently studying the effects of holiday alcohol use on pregnancy rates.  “If it’s okay for some women to invoke a law that allows them to try and get knocked up on company time, then it’s certainly appropriate for all the rest.  And what about guys?  Maybe a nooner isn’t enough time for them to get lathered up and do their spouses they way they need doing?  It’s not only about the machinery you know.  Procreation is complex and organic methods should be respected as much as high tech.  Maybe more.”

Not everyone agrees with Mary Christmas.  “The courts require businesses to provide special accommodations for the handicapped and opportunity for those who need assistance, so that they can lead as normal a life as possible.  The court ruling is a reasonable one that allows women with difficulty becoming pregnant greater opportunity to become so,” said Feliz Navidad, a raven haired Spanish maiden, whose recent book, ‘Illegal Aliens Only Kill Occasionally’ is currently rated number one in San Francisco.  “People who are not fertility-challenged don’t need to take work hours off for sex; they can screw around on their own time.  But women who have difficulty getting pregnant need afternoons off for complicated sexual activity.  The court needs to provide them this opportunity and should also step in and allow illegal aliens freedom to roam America without hindrance.  And the U.S. should pay illegals to have sex if they want kids but are too busy trying to duck the immigration authorities.  This country needs to be more compassionate.”

The Wall Street Journal reported that for women struggling with infertility, the unpredictable and time-consuming treatment process can wreak havoc with work schedules, causing conflicts with bosses and triggering reprisals or layoffs. Now, a federal appeals court has come down on the side of women, fortifying legal protections on the job. In the first decision of its kind at the federal appeals-court level, a three-judge panel in Chicago found women who need time off work for infertility treatment may invoke the Pregnancy Discrimination Act as potential protection against adverse action. The ruling came in a case involving Cheryl Hall, a secretary who was laid off after taking time off for in vitro fertilization, then asking for more.

Without ruling on the merits of her case, the court last month set a precedent by giving Ms. Hall a green light to sue her former employer for pregnancy-related bias.Courts in other cases have held that because both men and women experience infertility, sex-bias protections don’t apply. In this case, the court held that because only women undergo time-consuming in vitro fertilization, they may be protected by sex-bias law. Treatment for men usually takes less time.

The ruling suggests women will have to worry less about the “repercussions of taking time off for IVF,” says Eugene Hollander, Ms. Hall’s attorney. A spokesman for Ms. Hall’s former employer, Nalco, declined to comment on the case, but it said the company is committed to treating all employees fairly. Nalco is seeking a re-hearing before a full 11-judge panel of the court. While the decision applies only in Indiana, Illinois and Wisconsin, it could influence other courts or, if a conflict arises, trigger a Supreme Court petition.

The Chronicle Online reported that two council contract staff at the offices of Unity Partnership in Oldham town centre, have been suspended after they were seen having sex in an office. The amorous couple was spotted naked through a window. The pair could be clearly seen by a crowd which gathered outside the building and included taxi drivers and police officers.

The article said things started to get steamy around 10.30am on Friday, according to witnesses. The couple began to frolic behind a slightly frosted window unaware that they had an audience. One witness said: “There were a number of us there who saw them — including taxi drivers and police community support officers. The couple went on having sex for about 20 minutes.” They were romping for so long, a crowd of around 20 people had gathered to watch and cheer.

Lee Robinson, managing director of the Unity Partnership, which is teamed with Oldham Council to improve efficiency and back-room services said: “While the details of the incidents are still emerging we want to make it clear that Unity takes this matter very seriously. The two individuals concerned have been suspended pending a full investigation.” Deputy leader of Oldham Council Jackie Stanton said: “We expect Unity staff to share the same values and code of conduct as council colleagues and so are very concerned about these allegations.”  Some pundits say that when government and the courts get involved with individuals’ sex lives, things are bound to get complicated.

“While government officials have been having sexual liaisons of all kinds in every place and with almost everyone they come in contact with, I get nervous when they start mandating by law certain portions of the business day for sexual activity.  Especially when it’s focused on women who fit a select type of criteria,” said an unnamed former Bill Clinton Administration official, who was charged with providing North American trade analysis and cleaning spots off the carpet in the Oval Office.  “Bill was mandating time for sex in his office all the time and it became a legal and physical mess.  You let the courts and government officials start legislating what time of day Americans should be having sex and what women should be having it, and I’m telling you it’ll get out of hand.  Bill already hopes to influence new legislation by promoting an amendment to the Big Bang Theory.  This is trouble I’m telling you!”

In other news, Russia is currently screwing The Republic of Georgia today by invading their country.  Russia doesn’t think Georgia should have the right to manage their own South Ossetian province the way Russia manages their province of Ingushetia.  In January of this year Russia deployed troops against their own people in Ingushetia and Russia’s FSB secret services announced that Nazran and other parts of Ingushetia had been declared “counter-terrorism zones.”  No word on whether a special court ruled that it was okay for Russia to screw Georgia during working hours, but the Russians have been on them both day and night.  The U.S. and Europe have asked Russia to stop but thus far efforts at peace and the return of the free Georgian Republic appear to be stillborn.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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