Daily Archives: August 19, 2008

Russia and Budweiser; Seduction or Rape, Only Women Know for Sure

Putin preps to take Ukraine, Belgian’s to take Anheuser-Busch
> Russia distributing passports in the Crimea; same approach they used in South Ossetia
> Belgian brewer InBev giving August Busch, Anheuser-Busch CEO, $10.35 mil. to help them take over his company

Inebriated Press
August 19, 2008

The UK Telegraph reported Sunday that the Ukraine is investigating whether Russia is distributing passports in the port of Sevastopol, to stoke separatist sentiment in the Crimea as a prelude to military intervention. And the St. Louis Business Journal reported yesterday that August Busch IV, chief executive of Anheuser-Busch, will be paid nearly $10.4 million to advise InBev Chief Executive Carlos Brito during the Belgian brewer’s takeover of the Budweiser maker. Debate over the best way to possess countries, companies and the opposite sex is clattering away like AK-47’s in a country formerly known as the Republic of Georgia.

“There are a lot of different ways to get what you want, but they usually boil down to either a form of seduction or rape,” said Bimbo Iguana-Chameleon, the chief executive of an undisclosed holding company, who prefers to remain in the shadows until the unwitting participant in their next venture is faced with an offer they can’t refuse. “The InBev deal kept getting sweeter until Anheuser-Busch decided to hop into bed with the Belgi’s, so that was a sort of seduction thing. Russia taking Georgia and now setting up the Ukraine is rape being followed by premeditated intent to rape again. Either approach can be successful. Both can be messy depending on how they’re handled and whether another suitor intervenes or the target is willing and able to break away. Personally I think a little of both keeps things interesting.”

Interesting or not, some folks don’t like takeover except by mutual consent. “You can do whatever you want if you’re consenting adults, but on no occasion should coercion, entrapment or forcible rape be condoned in civil society or by the international community,” said Sally Sanguine-Serpentine, a sex-ed and history teacher at the Hotty High School and Barbeque, a private school for young studs and chicks who want in-depth knowledge of smoked meats. “You can question whether it’s right that a CEO of a company gets a multi-million-dollar windfall for helping another firm takeover the corporation he works for, and if it was actually a set-up so that in reality the CEO became an insider agent for the buyer. But at least the shareholders had a chance to say ‘no’ if they wanted. The folks in Georgia not only couldn’t say ‘no’ they’ve been forcibly taken and are battered and bruised and have citizens dead today because Russia decided they were going to come and take what they wanted. That’s wrong.”

The Telegraph reported that Ukraine is investigating claims that Russia has been distributing passports in the port of Sevastopol, raising fears that the Kremlin could be stoking separatist sentiment in the Crimea as a prelude to possible military intervention. Russia handed out passports to the residents of Abhkazia and South Ossetia in Georgia five years ago, and then justified its invasion of Georgia last week in terms of defending its citizens. VOA News reported Monday that Russian President Dmitri Medvedev has promised they will crush anyone threatening Russian citizens.

CNN reported Sunday that Konstantin Kosachev, head of the Russian parliament’s foreign affairs committee, said Russian troops will leave Georgia “sooner or later depending on how Georgians will continue to behave.” He said, “If I would ask you in response to the same question how fast the American forces can leave Iraq, for example, the answer would be as soon as we have guarantees for peace and security there,” Kosachev said. “The same answer would be toward this situation.” The United States has been in Iraq since 2003.

The St. Louis Business Journal reported that August Busch IV, chief executive of Anheuser-Busch, will be paid nearly $10.4 million to advise InBev Chief Executive Carlos Brito during the Belgian brewer’s takeover of the Budweiser maker. The consulting job, effective until 2013, would also pay Busch $120,000 a month to advise InBev on new products, marketing programs and charities, and to meet with retailers, wholesalers and advertisers and attend media events, according to a filing Friday with the Securities and Exchange Commission. He must also agree to not say anything negative about the company as part of a “mutual non-disparagement covenant.”

St Louis Today reported on Sunday that the monthly payments to Busch IV would add up to about $7.2 million, assuming a start date of January 2009. The article said he will also receive about $33.6 million from the accelerated vesting of stock options, restricted stock and deferred stock units relating to the InBev buyout. That doesn’t include about $55 million from assets that had already vested. St. Louis-based Anheuser-Busch Cos. Inc. (NYSE: BUD), through its Anheuser-Busch Inc. subsidiary, is the leading domestic brewer, holding a 48.5 percent share of U.S. beer sales. The company accepted a $52 billion takeover offer from Belgian InBev. Some people say that all’s fair in love and war.

“The notion that there’s some kind of standard of good behavior within and around humankind, and that some sort of moral or ethical absolute exists which people and countries should adhere to, is religious and philosophical clap trap and is unsupported by evolutionary theory,” said Charles Darwin, a scientist and dead guy, speaking on a noisy cell phone connection from a dark hell hole someplace, where he’s enjoying one-hundred million degree heat, while existing outside of time but in eternity somehow. “There are no laws of fair play or good behavior except those that people make up. Rape, crushing other countries, beheading people you disagree with, these are all normal occurrences taking place as the result of somebody wanting to do something and having the power to do it. Doing it or stopping it is irrelevant. Sure society breaks into chaotic disorder, but that’s natural too. Humans are always trying to act against their instincts to destroy and take what they want and have invented the notions of civil society and rule of law. They’re all meaningless unless you really don’t want to act like animals or end up in hell like me. By the way, you don’t think you can get me back alive on earth do you? I’d kind of like another shot at this religious ‘you’ll go to hell if you don’t do what God says’ stuff. There might be something to it.”

In other news, the Wall Street Journal (WSJ) reported on Monday that presidential candidate and junior Senator Barack Obama, speaking at Saturday night’s Saddleback Church forum, said he would not have nominated Supreme Court Justice Thomas. “I would not have nominated Clarence Thomas,” Obama said. “I don’t think that he was a strong enough jurist or legal thinker at the time for that elevation. Setting aside the fact that I profoundly disagree with his interpretation of a lot of the Constitution.” The Democrat added that he also wouldn’t have appointed Antonin Scalia, and perhaps not John Roberts, though he assured the audience that at least they were smart enough for the job.

The WSJ article went on to say: So let’s see. By the time he was nominated, Clarence Thomas had worked in the Missouri Attorney General’s office, served as an Assistant Secretary of Education, run the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and sat for a year on the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals, the nation’s second most prominent court. Since his “elevation” to the High Court in 1991, he has also shown himself to be a principled and scholarly jurist. Meanwhile, as he bids to be America’s Commander in Chief, Mr. Obama isn’t yet four years out of the Illinois state Senate, has never held a hearing of note of his U.S. Senate subcommittee, and had an unremarkable record as both a “community organizer” and law school lecturer. No word on whether the Wall Street Journal thinks Obama’s plan to “change America” will contain seduction, rape or a combination of the two.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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