Daily Archives: August 25, 2008

Ban U.S. Girls Veggie Stands, Protect Illegal Alien Criminals

California Town Busts 11-year-old Over Zucchini
California City Shields Illegal Alien Criminal Suspected of Murder
America finally gets tough on the serious crimes

Inebriated Press
August 25, 2008

KGO-TV San Francisco reported last week that the city of Clayton, California shut down the produce stand of 11-year-old Katie and 3-year- old Sabrina Lewis for selling their families surplus garden-grown Zucchini, melons, tomatoes and radishes because their veggie stand wasn’t located in a properly zoned area. And the San Francisco Chronicle reported last week that an illegal immigrant freed after being shielded from possible deportation by San Francisco officials despite committing two gang-related assaults as a juvenile – now faces charges that he tried to stab a man to death. Pundits say the U.S. finally has its priorities straight.

“We can no longer run the risk of anarchy committed against the United States of America by 11 and 3 year-old girls who wantonly flaunt zoning regulations and sell fresh fruits and vegetables to the unsuspecting public,” said Adolf Hitler-Esque, a public official who has had enough of little girls earning a few bucks by trafficking in healthy vegetables. “These children cannot be tolerated by a tolerant society. They are taking away the jobs of illegal immigrants who harvest vegetables and only occasionally assault and murder people. In the New Economy, we can’t cut children any slack if they engage in commerce while legally living in this country. It would be different if they were here illegally and were assaulting people, we can look past that kind of stuff.”

Not everyone agrees with Hitler-Esque. “These are children selling vegetables for god’s sake, it’s not like they’re dealing drugs or trying to kill somebody, for crying out loud,” said Horatio Alger-Esque, a nutritionist with a bias toward vegetation who also secretly harbors a weakness toward good work ethic. “We shelter criminals who are breaking the law by being here and we crush the business enterprise of some kids who might make fifty-cents selling some tomatoes. If this kind of logic keeps up people will start thinking that deposing a murderous dictator in Iraq has the same moral equivalency as Russia invading a peaceful democracy like the Republic of Georgia. God help us.”

ABC affiliate KGO-TV San Francisco reported that two young East Bay girls are trying to find out if you really can fight city hall. The youngsters are battling to get their produce stand back after the city of Clayton shut them down. The mayor himself is getting involved in this issue; he says the produce stand, operated by two young sisters, had to be shut down because of public safety and a zoning ordinance.

The KGO-TV site said 11-year-old Katie and 3-year- old Sabrina Lewis had been selling their families surplus fruits and veggies – stuff like: “Zucchini, melons, tomatoes, radishes,” said Sabrina Lewis. They did it for maybe four hours on Saturday mornings to make a little money. They haven’t sold a thing since the police showed up. “They said traffic was being stopped and then they came up with we can’t have a roadside stand and then they said it was a commercial enterprise,” said Katie Lewis, the 11-year-old former produce seller.

Clayton Mayor Gregg Manning said that you can’t trust little girls. “They may start out with a little card-table and selling a couple of things, but then who is to say what else they have. Is all the produce made there, do they make it themselves? Are they going to have eggs and chickens for sale next,” said Manning. Mike Lewis, father of the illegal veggie providers, says he has approached the city planning commission – hoping to find a compromise making one last stand for his girls’ produce stand. City planners meet next week.

The San Francisco Chronicle reported that Eric Antonio Uc-Cahun, now 19, a native of Mexico, and suspected of being in the United States illegally – was freed after being shielded from possible deportation by San Francisco officials despite committing two gang-related assaults as a juvenile. Now San Mateo County authorities say he faces charges that he tried to stab a man to death. The San Mateo County stabbing was especially vicious, authorities said – a top prosecutor said the victim had been “gutted, like you gut a pig.”

The article said Uc-Cahun’s history of youth offenses in the city was similar to that of Edwin Ramos, a 21-year-old Salvadoran native facing triple-murder charges in connection with the slayings in June of a San Francisco man and two of his sons on an Excelsior district street. “How many of these people are there who were the beneficiaries of this process?” asked Joseph Russoniello, the U.S. attorney for Northern California, who has been critical of the city’s practice of shielding immigrants from deportation. “This is what happens when the best intentions are misapplied,” Russoniello said. “If there was any justification for this program, cases like this certainly undermine that expectation. These attacks demonstrate that these people are acting with impunity because they have little to fear.” Some people argue that allowing vegetable stands in the wrong part of town will lead to worse crimes than murder.

“If you have any understanding of the nature of True Crime you’d know that harboring illegal murderers is nothing compared to allowing children to sell vegetables on street corners,” said an unnamed government official, with duct tape covering his name tag. “If we allow kids to engage in commerce at these young ages they’ll grow into corporate executives who make millions of dollars by creating new jobs and stimulating the economy. The next thing you know they’ll try to ban illegal workers from slipping across the countries borders, and want barriers against foreigners who want to come here illegally and kill people they disagree with. Before you know it, they’ll even want to stop Islamofascists from beheading infidels or free people who are subject to them. The next thing you know, they’ll start voting Republican. We have to nip this stuff in the bud.”

In other news, The Smoking Gun (TSG) reported last week that Heidi Dalibor, a 20-year-old from Wisconsin, was arrested for two overdue library books. Dalibor failed to respond to letters from the Grafton Library and kept the books for a couple of weeks. According to a police report, Dalibor was apprehended at her family’s home, cuffed and stuffed in a cruiser, and booked for violating the “overdue library materials” ordinance. She also had to pose for a mug shot at the Grafton Police Department. Dalibor subsequently settled with the library by paying her overdue fines and reimbursing it for the cost of the two novels, which totaled around $180. Dalibor’s mother Patty told TSG that her daughter was “a good kid” who works two jobs. She is also now the owner of two Fitch and Brown books, which Dalibor got to keep as a result of paying off her library levies. No word on whether selling vegetables as a child led her to the criminal book violations, but since she’s a legal American citizen we can all appreciate the need to bust her ass and imprison her for as long as it took to straighten her out.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Comments Off on Ban U.S. Girls Veggie Stands, Protect Illegal Alien Criminals

Filed under Humor, IP News