Obama Faced with “God and Gun’s” Palin

Palin in PTA meeting while Obama in board meeting with Pentagon bomber
Obama votes ‘present’ in Senate while Palin renegotiates Alaskan ‘Big Oil’ deal
Palin breaks up own parties corrupt politics while Obama hangs with racketeer Rezko

Inebriated Press \ Division of Rant with Pretzels
September 3, 2008

Last Friday, U.S. presidential candidate and Senator John McCain, a Republican from Arizona, announced that his vice presidential running mate is Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. Palin, a one-term governor and former mayor has carried an 80% approval rating in Alaska where she broke up a corrupt Republican party, slashed taxes and forced Big Oil back to the negotiating table where she then hammered out the best revenue stream from oil of all the states in the union.  She backs more drilling and has driven through a stalled natural gas pipeline effort which will supply gas from Alaska to the lower 48 states.  Palin does what she says she’ll do, she hunts and fishes, believes in God and was runner up in the Miss Alaska competition.  U.S. presidential candidate and junior Senator Barack Obama, a Democrat from Illinois, is staring at the physical embodiment of someone “clinging to god and guns.”  These are the folks he dissed during the Pennsylvania primary.  And “God and Guns Palin,” known as Sarah Barracuda during her state high school basketball championship days, is one hot governor. Pundits debate whether it’s fair to compare an accomplished woman with an up and coming man who won’t even call Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. by name, during a speech on the anniversary date of King’s “I have a dream” historic address.

“You can’t compare a liberal Democrat who has a Greek Temple backdrop and an anti-American pastor with a beauty queen reformer who busted up corruption in her own party, it’s really pretty silly,” said Moon Pye, a deep thinker, who expects President Obama’s administration to reallocate middle class Republican salaries directly into his bank account by February 1.  “Barack Obama was doing the state of Illinois and American people big favors with his strategic ‘present’ votes those 100 times after coming from board meetings with Bill Ayers the beneficent Pentagon bomber.  All Palin has done is cut taxes, reform her Party, increase revenue from Big Oil to tax-payers while raising five kids and going to church.  It’s absurd to think that a woman like that could play a role in the federal government.  Only Barack has that kind of time and hope filled audacity.”

Not everyone agrees with Moon Pye.  “It is fair to compare the Republican vice presidential candidate with the Democrat presidential candidate, because they’re both in politics despite they’re having opposite genders and seeking different seats in government,” said Huey Long, a notorious politician and former governor of Louisiana, whose death in 1932 squelched his plan to run against Obama during the Democrat primaries this year. “Palin’s weakness, and one that I’d exploit if I were running, is that she’s too dedicated a do-gooder to really grow the federal bureaucracy and make big money on the side.  And she’s a real novice when it comes to dirty politics.  Barack is from Chicago and his wife’s dad was a Democratic precinct captain. When you combine old-style Mayor Daley style politics with Pentagon bombers, anti-American pastors and Tony Rezko, Barack’s real estate partner and racketeer who’s currently in prison, you get a lot more powerful machine than a little Alaskan gal who hunts and prays can handle.  And Obama has a far bigger world view because he’s traveled to Germany and gave a speech there and all Palin has done is go to Kuwait to visit wounded Alaskan National Guard members from the Iraq war.  It doesn’t matter that Palin has more governing experience than Obama, McCain and Biden all put together, because they’re all male Senators and she’s a female governor and former mayor.  A woman’s proven management skills and budget responsibility can’t compete against men who vote on issues.”

CNN reported Monday that within hours of Senator John McCain picking Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate, the talking heads of CNBC had coined a new term: “Palinomics.” In a nutshell, the doctrine stands for expanding the search for domestic oil and gas as a key solution to the energy crisis. For years, Alaskans dreamed of the revenue bounty promised by the state’s natural gas resources. But Palin’s predecessor offered up a Big Oil friendly bill generated from back-room deals with the industry.  Palin ditched the deal and took an aggressive stance toward the oil companies. Her nickname from high-school basketball, “Sarah Barracuda,” was resurrected in the press. Alaska now has some of the highest resource taxes in the world. Alaska’s oil tax revenues are expected to be about $10 billion in 2008, twice those of previous year. It would be an overstatement to brand Palin as an enemy of Big Oil. Her husband works as a production supervisor for BP. And she supports drilling in the Alaska Natural Wildlife Reserve.

The CNN article said it takes a special person to go from small-town mayor and hockey mom to standing up to the world’s biggest corporations. Despite a stint as chairman of the state’s Oil and Gas Commission, she’d never done business on a remotely similar stage. When Fortune last year asked Palin if she was intimidated, she said simply, “No. Being reasonable commercial operations, I expected the Big Three will act responsibly.”   Some say Palin’s faith in god and her belief that people can do what’s right is balanced by her desire to break up corruption when she finds it.  Other pundits argue that this is a problem for her because she’d have had a hard time sitting in a church pew listening to anti-American rhetoric for twenty years, thus showing a character flaw by being less tolerant than Barack Obama.  They say it’s another negative for the god and gun’s person.  This past spring candidate Obama told wealthy San Francisco liberals that rural American’s are bitter and cling to god and guns as a way to feel better. 

In order to make himself feel good and look impressive when announcing his acceptance of the Democrat Party nomination for president, Barack Obama stood in front of a Greek Temple facade in the middle of Invesco stadium in Denver, on the 45th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I have a Dream” speech.  Apparently in order to avoid allowing the great human rights leader to steal Obama’s “thunder,” Obama referred to King as “the preacher from Georgia” but avoided actually naming Dr. King.  The candidate who will wear native African clothing and carries a miniature Hindu monkey god idol in his pocket has now refused to wear an American flag lapel pin or say Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s name on the date of the Dr.’s most famous speech.  Obama’s wife Michelle, who was proud of the country for the first time in her adult life after Barack climbed to number one in the polls, sat next to Barack in the pew at Trinity for twenty years as Reverend Jeremiah Wright called on god to damn America.  Pundits say American’s are making too much out of the god and guns thing.

“Vice presidential candidate and governor Sarah Palin hunts and fishes and runs a State while raising a family and going to church, those are all classic signs that she is out of touch with the realities of American idol, the Hollywood left and Barbara Streisand, the very fundamental cores of true American values,” said Stimpy McGee, a metrosexual cuticle polisher, who has stared down hangnails with the best of them.  “Only silly people like Thomas Jefferson or Abraham Lincoln put any stock in the importance of god or guns.  The debate is irrelevant because Barack is the all powerful being from the Greek Temple at Invesco Field.  When he sits down with Ahmadinejad and explains that Iran doesn’t need nuclear weapons, the Iranian president will understand and will back down and turn off his uranium centrifuges.  And when president Obama talks with Vladimir Putin about the former Republic of Georgia and the province that the Russians took from them and turned into a puppet state to gain control of the only oil pipeline running to Europe that wasn’t controlled by Russia or Iran, Putin will understand Obama’s concern, and will give it back.  The very idea that somehow god or the use of guns has any role in modern society is laughable.  No one seriously believes that either is important anymore.  Now hand me that fingernail file and let’s get to the serious business of life.”

In other news, the New York Times reported on Sunday that a Russian journalist known for his opposition views was arrested at an airport in southern Russia on Sunday, then fatally shot in the head in what authorities said was an accident but human rights groups said was suspicious. The Times article said the shooting, in Ingushetia, and other recent violence in southern Russia suggested a possible further clampdown on domestic dissent, in Russia’s volatile North Caucasus border region in the wake of the war in Georgia. The area has been under tight police control. A number of Russian journalists have been killed in recent years. Anna Politkovskaya, who covered the war in Chechnya, was shot in the entryway to her Moscow apartment in October 2006. Two other reporters from her newspaper, Novaya Gazeta, died, one from an autoimmune disorder colleagues suspected was caused by poison.

Meanwhile, the UK Telegraph reported Monday that Russia’s Vladimir Putin has warned Europe that Russia’s energy reserves will flow to the Far East if the continent’s leaders seek to punish his country for invading Georgia. Western Europe is largely dependant upon oil from Russia.  No word on how Obama will fix the problem or what makes him more experienced to deal with it than a woman with oil negotiation and governing skills, who will be second in command in a McCain administration headed by a war hero.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Comments Off on Obama Faced with “God and Gun’s” Palin

Filed under Division of Rant (with Pretzels), Humor, IP News

Comments are closed.