Tradition: Killing Women, Flame Throwing and Stalin’s Good Works

* Pakistan ponders tradition of killing women for choosing their own husbands
* El Salvador town has tradition of fireball throwing to honor volcano
* New Russian textbook honors Stalin’s tradition of mass murder
* Republicans and Democrats

Inebriated Press \ Division of Rant (with Pretzels)
September 4, 2008

The Associated Press reported Tuesday that Pakistan is investigating the killings of five women whose crime was the desire to choose their own husbands, after a provincial lawmaker defended their murder as a “centuries-old tradition.” And the UK Sun reported that each year the residents of Nejapa, El Salvador, come together to hurl fireballs at each other. The event honors a volcano that erupted in 1922. Meanwhile the UK Mail Online reported that a new Russian textbook for school children praises Stalin and teaches that he acted rationally when executing and imprisoning millions of people for disagreeing with him. Debate over whether being stupid is okay as long as it’s your tradition, is thrashing around like a politician claiming inexperience is fine in a male Democrat president, but too risky in a female Republican vice president.

“The stability of world civilization depends on human traditions and timeless beliefs and that’s why it’s okay that conservative Muslim’s practice honor killing and bury women alive who want to choose their own husbands rather than being told who to marry by some men,” said Democrat operative and traditionalist, Stacy Plane-Odbolt, as she sat sticking pins in a doll that looked a lot like Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska and a vice presidential candidate. “I don’t know that I’d kill all conservative types but I like that they do it to themselves. And as far Putin’s new textbook that says Stalin was justified when he killed millions of people with whom he disagreed, there’s really nothing wrong with that. Hey it’s survival of the fittest baby. It’s the natural order of things. And it’s the natural order of things that only liberal Democrats have a female candidate worth voting for, even if we dissed the one we had. Now hand me that hat pin will you, I’m going for Palin’s heart.”

Not everyone agrees with Plane-Odbolt. “You can’t defend anyone who behaves inhumanely just because they’ve done it for a long time and now call it a tradition, and that’s true of so called ‘conservative’ Muslims and the tyrant Stalin and his pupil Putin,” said Marg Simpson, a blue-haired beauty, whose logic somehow remains above average, even though she’s married and the mother of three. “I can see the people in El Salvador wanting to throw fireballs at each other because that’s just fun, but all the unnecessary killing and torture by Muslims and Russians can never be condoned. We need to rise above brut nature and appeal to the better angels of ourselves. If we don’t do that we’ll degenerate into beasts and sit around claiming that a woman with limited governing experience is less qualified to be vice president than a man with no governing experience at all is to be president. What’s that? We’re already doing that. Shit, it might be too late for us.”

The Associated Press reported that Pakistan opened an investigation Monday into the killings of five women who tried to choose their own husbands, after a provincial lawmaker defended their deaths as a “centuries-old tradition.” The women, three of whom were teenagers, were shot, thrown into a ditch and buried alive more than a month ago in what authorities have said they suspect were “honor killings.” Authorities say they have arrested three relatives of the women in connection with their deaths. It is considered an insult in some conservative regions of Pakistan for women to have affairs or marry without consent, and rights groups say hundreds are killed by male relatives every year. “These are centuries-old traditions and I will continue to defend them,” Israr Ullah Zehri, who represents the province where the women died, told the chamber on Saturday. Human rights groups say the women were abducted at gunpoint by six men in the remote village of Baba Kot, forced into a vehicle and taken to a field, where they were beaten and shot. Rights activists say they were then covered with rocks and mud while they were still breathing.

The Sun reported that every year the inhabitants of the town of Nejapa, El Salvador, come together to hurl fireballs at each other. The festival – held on August 31 – is held in honor of a huge volcano that erupted in 1922 – forcing all inhabitants to leave town. The festival has been taking place every year for a decade – and consists of groups launching palm-sized fireballs at each other. This year, dozens of participants were hospitalized with severe burns and previous year’s celebrations have claimed lives.

The Mail Online reported that Stalin acted ‘entirely rationally’ in executing and imprisoning millions of people in the Gulags, a new Russian teaching manual claims. It seems to follow an attempt backed by Prime Minister Vladimir Putin to re-evaluate Stalin’s record in a more positive light. The manual, titled A History of Russia, 1900-1945, will form the basis of a new state-approved text book for use in schools next year. The guidebook for teachers says it is to promote patriotism among the Russian young and says Stalin did what he did to ensure the country’s modernization. Historians believe up to 20 million people perished as a result of his actions – that’s more than the six million killed during Hitler’s genocide of the Jews. The new teaching manual is attempting to tell a generation of Russian schoolchildren that Stalin’s actions were an entirely rational approach. With close links to the Kremlin, the publishing company’s website states: ‘Prosveshenije remains one of the few effective instruments of national consolidation, a centre of forming and distributing Russian educational values.’ Some people say that all morality is relative and subjective; therefore anything goes.

“There is nothing wrong with claiming you killed your countrymen or women because it was in your best interest, just as there’s nothing wrong with saying that a man who hangs out with Pentagon bombers and racketeers is better suited to lead the nation than a woman who rooted out corruption in her own party and attended PTA meetings,” said Nifty Pastime, a nature-is-volatile aficionado and self-professed genius. “Perception is reality and what a person does is less important than what you can make people believe. That’s why Obama created the faux presidential seal he used and had Britney Spears’ designer create the Investco stadium set so it looked like the White House and Lincoln Memorial. It doesn’t matter that Obama has no experience and that no one knows anything about him or what he’ll really do. It’s all about what people perceive about him for now. The McCain-Palin ticket is what it is and we don’t want the reform that they want to bring. They are who they are and it’s important that American’s perceive them as stupid assholes so they vote for a vague concept that looks good, like Obama-Biden. US politics are no different than what Russia is doing with Stalin and the Muslims are doing with honor killing. We kill less of our own people in the process, but that’s only because of present day tradition. That may change. Who knows where we’ll be in five years.”

In other news, the Washington Post reported Tuesday that in the reports on Hurricane Gustav, TV correspondents exhibited tremendous bravado, as they stood in the wind and rain while describing the weather. No word on why the Post considered it bravery and not stupidity, since technology allows pictures of storms to be taken through windows, but based on the pass they give Obama and how they’re ripping Palin, perhaps common sense is no longer part of major media.

© 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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