* Republican VP Candidate Has Hot Bod and Muscular Brain
* Democrat Mayor Has Hot Sex and Gets Prison Term
* Straight talk never looked so tasty, Lies get just deserts
September 5, 2008
TIME reported on Tuesday that web searches for Republican vice presidential candidate and governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, have in the past two days reached a peak greater than any other political personality in the past three years. Number 10 of the top ten Palin searches: “hot”. Other similar queries include: “Sarah Palin Bikini Photos,” “Sarah Palin Naked,” “Sarah Palin Nude.” Meanwhile, The New York Times reported Thursday that Kwame M. Kilpatrick, the Democrat mayor of Detroit, who has been embroiled in legal problems stemming from a sex scandal, pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice and agreed to resign Thursday morning. Kilpatrick will pay $1 million restitution to the city and serve 120 days in jail. Pundits say nude pictures of the rich and famous are always in demand, especially for hot women and jailed men who like hats.
“Sarah Palin has the twin towers of womanhood: a powerful brain and a hot body. What person wouldn’t want to check her out? It’s no wonder that men in the media and the other Party where blabbering incoherently after her speech Wednesday night, it happens to me all the time,” said Candy Apple-Redd, a rocket scientist and part time stripper-mom who juggles work, family and uranium, often while baking cookies for PTA fund raisers. “People say it’s impossible to be a woman and work and raise a family at the same time. Well I know it was hard for a guy like the mayor of Detroit who tried juggling sex-on-the-side along with his family and work, on top of the lies he was telling. But that’s probably because he wasn’t very organized. Managing everything I do isn’t easy either, but I keep my shit together and am committed so I get it done. There have been community organizers who’ve told me just to stay home and accept welfare and raise my kids, but I’d rather have a real career and a family. Not everybody can handle it, I understand that, but I can and do. So don’t tell me I can’t. I’m not interested in what you think I’m not capable of.”
Not everyone feels the way Apple-Redd does. “A woman’s place is in the home and not out running the country, and that’s especially true of Republican women whose conservative values clash with my desire to do whatever I want and get away with it,” said someone claiming to be Bill Clinton, looking over his shoulder to see if Hillary was looking. “Now the woman who has my balls in a vise would make a fine president probably, and I’d get my own office and an intern with a blue dress. But this Palin woman has shown that she won’t tolerate corruption in government, so obviously she has no place in Washington. She is awfully hot though. I wonder if I could get her to meet me at Hooters just to talk about things and have a few chicken wings?”
TIME reported that while they doubt anyone has ever considered any of our past vice-presidential candidates a sex symbol, recent Internet searches indicate that may be changing. The article said on the Richter scale of Internet search energy, Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s announcement on Friday that he had chosen Sarah Palin, the current governor of Alaska, as his running mate measured a magnitude 10.
TIME said if you compare the number of searches for “John McCain,” “Barack Obama” or “Joe Biden” with those for “Sarah Palin,” there’s no contest. In just two days, the number of U.S. Internet searches for “Sarah Palin” reached a peak greater than any other political personality in the past three years. In the week ending Aug. 30, 2008, searches for Governor Palin were almost four times as popular as Obama searches, eight times as popular as McCain searches and over 10 times more popular than searches for Biden. And if you look more carefully at the 1,300 searches Hitwise tracked, one of the most commonly entered search topics surrounding Palin was “hot photos.”
The New York Times reported that Kwame M. Kilpatrick, the charismatic Democrat mayor of Detroit who has been embroiled in legal problems stemming from a sex scandal since the beginning of the year, pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice and agreed to resign Thursday morning as part of a deal with prosecutors. He agreed to plead guilty to two felony counts of obstruction of justice and to plead no contest to a felony count of assault on a police officer; to pay restitution to the city of $1 million; to surrender his law license, forfeit his state pension and be barred from elective office for five years; and to serve 120 days in the Wayne County jail, followed by five years’ probation. A formal sentencing hearing is slated for Oct. 28.
Kilpatrick lied under oath about having an extramarital affair with his chief of staff, Christine Beatty and about the firing of police officers investigating him. According to Celebrity, he was sent to jail earlier this year after violating his bond by going on a trip to Canada without first notifying the authorities. Kilpatrick had his own cell “because he’s a high-profile inmate”, according to a spokesman for the country sheriff. Kilpatrick and Beatty testified in a 2007 civil case involving two cops who say they lost their jobs after investigating the mayor. Text messages between Kilpatrick and Beatty surfaced showing they lied in court and that the two were having the affair. Newsweek magazine reported that after only four months into Kilpatrick’s first term, rumors emerged of a wild party involving a stripper at the mayoral mansion. A local TV station called the scandal “Sex, Lies and Texting.” Some pundits say lies are just an impressionistic means of personal expression and shouldn’t be considered bad.
“What you say and how you say it is less important than what you say it meant later on,” said someone claiming to be Barack Obama, a community organizer with no responsibilities or real accomplishments but with two books of memoires. “The Detroit mayor is a good man and like Bill Ayers, Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Tony Rezko and anyone else you want to link me to in a negative way — are not the people I remember. All the people I used to know were fine upstanding American’s who wear flag lapel pins and don’t pretend they’re someone else by using fake presidential seals and Whitehouse facades as back drops. I am who I really am and that’s why I voted ‘present’ most of the time in the Illinois legislature and the U.S. Senate. I’m way more present than other people and that’s why I can create hope through change of some kind. Think there’s some way I can swap Biden for Palin? That sweetie represents America. A hard working former champion athlete and beauty pageant winner who hunts, fishes, belonged to the PTA, worked her way up from at-home-mom to City Counsel, Mayor and Governor. I’d love her to death if I didn’t have to hate her guts because she’s running against me. And she’s hot as hell. Michelle’s going to kick my ass for saying that.”
In other news, Chattahbox reported Thursday that if there is one person in this world who knows what its like to be 17, famous and pregnant – as Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol is, then it is Jamie Lynn Spears, who has also empathetically held out a hand to the young daughter of the vice presidential candidate.
Jamie Lynn Spears, the 17-year-old sister of pop star Britney Spears, who gave birth to daughter Maddie Briann Aldridge on June 19, gave a phone call to the Petit Tresor to order up some baby clothes to have sent over to Bristol Palin. Bristol, the unwed 17-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin, is pregnant and according to eFluxMedia intends to marry the father of the baby, 18-year-old Levi Johnston. The pregnancy sparked a multitude of discussions, opinions and late night jokes on TV but there is support for the young mom-to-be as well. eFluxMedia said Spears put a note with the gift, stating “Dear Bristol, hang in there … xoxo, Jamie Lynn.” No word on which political Party Spears favors in the election, but when you’re 17, hot and famous with a kid by your side, there’s only so much you should have to worry about. It’s probably okay to wait until you’ve been a mayor and governor by age 44 before deciding to run the country.
(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com