Daily Archives: September 8, 2008

Woman Busted for Seducing Husband, UK Hookers Have Big Sale

Lusty wife tossed, thought to be hotel call girl
Too many London hookers bangs down prices

Inebriated Press
September 8, 2008

The Times Online reported last week that the wife of a UK man dressed herself in a short-short skirt and high heels, painted her pouty lips hot red, and then pretended to seduce her husband for fun for his 35th-birthday in a London hotel bar.  Management broke them up and escorted her to the street where they told her they didn’t want her kind around their hotel.  And BBC News reported that London’s brothel industry has spread to “every corner” of the city and with so many hookers prices for sex have fallen to as low as £15. Debate over the cost of sex and the price of a kinky marriage is getting almost as hot as former president Bill Clinton, former Governor Eliot Spitzer, and former mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, out on the prowl at the same time.

“Wives and hookers are all the same to us and we think that hotel management should respect a guy’s right to screw around with both, either together, by themselves, or with other female volunteers,” said the three former leaders in unison, with sing-song voices almost sounding like a barbershop trio, but with lots more drooling.  “A gal’s got to make a living and supply and demand can be tough sometimes.  Sure a hotel should bust a rookie who’s cutting in on the professionals’ turf, that’s understandable, but then they should set the guy up with someone else.  We’ve all had troopers or other staffers help us with that, or do the job themselves.  It shouldn’t only be government employees who understand how important this is.  The private sector needs to get with it too.”

Not everyone agrees with the three former Democrat leaders.  “A woman should have the right to seduce her own husband whether in public or in private, but hookers out running around are never okay.  They’re one more example of the moral decline that’s taking place in society,” said Mary Piety-House, a bakery store owner and part-time weight lifter, whose cast iron cookies and iron jaw are mythical among flour vendors.  “And don’t get me started on freedom of speech and religion.  Things are slip-sliding away and nobody seems to want to stop anything.  I’d say more, but I’m self censoring.  Somebody has to stop something.”

Times Online reported that Lucy Barnet booked a posh hotel for her husband’s birthday, but her romantic surprise didn’t go quite as planned. They checked in to their room and Lucy sent hubby Charles off to the bar downstairs while she got changed. She had a surprise for him – it was his birthday after all. While he was ordering his first cocktail, she unpacked her overnight bag. She got dressed, Pretty Woman-style. Nothing too garish, she thought, just heels slightly higher than normal, pillar-box red lipstick with nail varnish to match, and a skirt that occasionally revealed the top of her garters. 

Barnet sashayed downstairs and saw Charles at the far end of the bar. She ordered a bellini and as she sipped it, she smiled down the length of the bar at Charles, batting her eyelids. Charles grinned back, giddily, and ran his eyes down her legs. Suddenly the bar manager appeared by her side. He whispered, “Would you please follow me, madam?” and before she could protest, he squeezed her arm and led her out through the back of the bar and down a corridor into a tiny office somewhere in the bowels of the building. Slightly flustered, Barnet said: “It’s not what it looks like – I’m staying in room 431, Mrs Barnet.” But he just said: “I’ve heard it all before, madam. We know your type and it’s my job to escort you off the premises.” 

BBC News reported that London’s brothel industry has spread to “every corner” of the city, according to a charity’s report. Brothels in the city offer sex for as little as £15, and some are charging £10 extra for unprotected intercourse, the Poppy Project in Southwark found. Its report said 85% of brothels in the city operated in residential areas and researchers posing as sex buyers found brothels in all 33 London boroughs. Westminster had the highest number with 71, compared with eight in Southwark. Researchers posing as potential punters telephoned 921 brothels that had advertised in local newspapers. They found on average 28 brothels in each borough. According to the researchers, the average price for full sex was about £62, but the supply of hookers is so high that prices are often lower. Some pundits say that supply and demand is what makes a free economy work.

“A free market economy requires business to expand and contract based on demand and available supplies, this is basic economics and it’s the same if you sell widgets or a piece of anatomy,” said Fickle Heroine, a muscular and chesty silicon based life form of unknown origin.  “It can be beneficial to limit supply in certain circumstances and drive up prices and increase margins, and at other times high volumes at narrow margins are necessary in order expand market share.  With the Democrat controlled US Congress and the possibility of a Democrat White House too, it’s important that we have a good supply of hookers available to meet the congressional demand.  We had a downturn a few years ago when mostly Republicans were in Congress and that lead to an over-supply and we had to ship some girls offshore to the UK and other places.  Business was great during the Clinton years.  We keep dreaming that it’ll come back.  Things are looking iffy now that the Republicans are running reformer types.  But time will tell.  Barack’s got his minions and a good liberal bent on hope and change can expand our market like gangbusters.”

In other news, Associated Press reported last week that Oprah’s mom is being sued by a high-end Wisconsin clothing store because she has failed to pay her $156,000 bill. The civil complaint says Vernita Lee of Milwaukee failed to make even the $2,000 minimum monthly payment. No word on whether Oprah will slip her a few bucks to help her out, or if she’s going to start hooking to raise the cash.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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