College Bans Christmas, Muslim Cleric Orders Mickey Mouse Death

Yorkshire Coast College bans Christmas and Easter to avoid offending non-Christians
Sheikh Muhammad Munajid says Mickey Mouse is a corrupting influence and must die

Inebriated Press \ Division of Rant (with pretzels)
September 18, 2008

UK’s Daily Express reported Tuesday that Yorkshire Coast College in Scarborough, has removed Christmas and Easter from the college’s calendars in case they offend non-Christians. And the UK Telegraph reported Monday that a Saudi Arabian cleric says Mickey Mouse is “one of Satan’s soldiers” and must be killed. Debate over why the world should avoid offending non-Christians, but it’s just fine to rip on Christians with impunity, is being discussed in hushed tones in the catacombs someplace under Rome.

“As the world continues ramping-up tolerance and political correctness toward Muslims, gays and liberal feminists, it’s interesting how growing intolerance is acceptable toward Christians, old-fashioned cultural icons and conservative feminists,” said Sally Brown, the precocious sister of cartoon character Charlie Brown, who as a child thought Linus was lovable, but refrained from making-out with him in the pumpkin patch until she was older.  “I’m just a drawing with limited experience in society and culture, but doesn’t the very nature of the concept of tolerance mean that Christian’s and Western tradition deserves just as much respect as non-Christian’s and recent liberal trends?  I’m not saying we should go back to the days when women couldn’t vote or only Muslims beheaded people who disagreed with them, but isn’t it okay to be a hockey mom and run for vice president?  Do you have to abort your Down syndrome child to be part of the in crowd?”

Not everyone agrees with Sally Brown.  “Human evolution dictates that some species, classes of species and an occasional society, crush all competitors as survival of the fittest is played out across the environment and the globe,” said Charles “Chuck” Darwin, a dead scientist who has evolved to another plane of human existence, occasionally referred to as morbid decay.  “Nothing remains static and the nature of being is one of flux as life-forms struggle against one another for superiority. The Muslim faith was once a powerful one but it faded out and other religions and philosophy’s became stronger – Christianity among them.  Today everything’s changing as Muslims’ kill Christians and icons of the West, and Western feminists turn against their own with liberal females attacking conservative feminists with hatred and venom once reserved for white middle-aged men. There’s nothing inherently right or wrong about this, nature is amoral.  Let everyone have at it.  Nobody really cares — except the folks getting their heads sawed off I suppose.”

The Daily Express reported that Christmas and Easter have been scrubbed from a college’s calendars in case they offend non-Christians. Holidays at these times will now be referred to simply as “end of term breaks”. The move will “increase inclusion and diversity”, claim bosses at Yorkshire Coast College in Scarborough, North Yorks. They claim this is in line with Ofsted guidelines. But Ofsted has confirmed there are no such guidelines: “Ofsted inspection guidance for colleges makes no reference whatsoever to the observance of religious festivals,” a spokeswoman said. “It is therefore incorrect that any decision to ‘ban religious holidays’ would be based on Ofsted guidance.”

The Telegraph reported that Sheikh Muhammad Munajid claims Mickey Mouse is a corrupting influence and must die.  According to the cleric, the mouse is “one of Satan’s soldiers” and makes everything it touches impure. Munajid, a former diplomat at the Saudi embassy in Washington DC, said that under Sharia, both household mice and their cartoon counterparts must be killed. “Mickey Mouse has become an awesome character, even though according to Islamic law, Mickey Mouse should be killed in all cases.” Mr Munajid gave Islam’s teaching on mice — and Mickey — during a religious affairs programme broadcast on al-Majd TV, an Arab television network. Some pundits say that murderous intolerance isn’t anything to worry about and that all humans should die so their impact on the climate is reduced.

“We cannot afford to continue playing Russian roulette — if that type of ethnic slur is still acceptable — with the planet, by allowing humans to propagate largely uncontrolled,” said Cassie Ether-Cumulous, a down to earth environmentalist and used-record store clerk, who often ignores claims that her head is in the clouds so high that she suffers from oxygen deficiency which makes her thinking hazy.  “By building on the model that Hitler designed and Planned Parenthood developed and grew from, we can create a systematic way of human population reduction, beginning first with the sick and the weak, then the unhealthy unborn and then the undesired old and unborn, and eventually everyone we disagree with. By working together Planned Parenthood and Islamofascists can first eliminate people unwanted because they’re inconvenient, or philosophically bothersome.  Eventually whoever is in power can simply kill whom they want on a global scale for any reason, kind of like the Chinese do to their own people and the Russians do to journalists who report things Putin doesn’t like.  This is progressive both on religious, philosophical and Darwinian grounds.  We should be thankful that pioneers like Darwin, Hitler and Iranian President Ahmadinejad have shown us the way.”

In other news, the UK Daily Mail reported Tuesday that children as young as five should be taught to understand the pleasures of gay sex, according to leaders of a taxpayer-funded education project. The ambition was revealed in documents prepared for the No Outsiders project run by researchers from universities and backed with £600,000 of public money provided by the Economic and Social Research Council. The stated purpose of the project – which is operating in 14 primary schools – is to stop bullying and prejudice aimed at homosexuals. No word on why this is better than Christmas or whether gays or Islamofascists have a leg up on ruling the future. Either way, it looks like those who want tolerance for traditional Western values will be sentenced to live in the catacombs.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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