Daily Archives: September 22, 2008

Woman gets Stroke from Orgasm, Iran gets Weapons from Russia

Sex triggers stroke in healthy 35-year-old woman
Russia tells U.S. ‘screw you we do what we want’

Inebriated Press
September 22, 2008

CBS News reported last week that sex triggered a life-threatening stroke in a healthy 35-year-old Illinois woman.  And the UK Times Online reported Thursday that Russia snubbed the United States by arranging to sell military machinery, including anti-aircraft systems, to Iran. Debate over the effects of being screwed is heating up like Hillary Clinton’s attitude at a Biden for Vice President Fund-raiser.

“I should have been named Obama’s vice presidential running mate, because I came in second to him in the presidential primaries and carry the woman’s vote, while Joe Biden carries nothing.  Even he says I should be V.P.,” said Hillary Clinton, speaking at the ‘Cry in Your Beer Pub and Fireworks Shop’. “I don’t honestly give a rip about Russia right now and haven’t had an orgasm this century.  I’m pissed about everything. I better not learn that Bill is at Hooter’s again when I get home.  That cat’s living his ninth life, so help me.”

Not everyone agrees with Hillary.  “Russia does what they want because they can, and so does Barack Obama and Bill Clinton.  Its how the world should be,” said Zeke T. Gravel, a small man who works in an engine repair shop and is often mistaken for crushed rock.  “Men can do what they want and there’s no way that Sarah Palin will ever see the vice presidency either.  It’s a man’s world and that’s black and white. I admit I’ve never given a woman a killer orgasm or a ballet vote, but that’s alright, I am what I am.  If hot babes understood me better I’d probably know some.  Whatever.”

CBS News reported that sex triggered a life-threatening stroke in a healthy 35-year-old Illinois woman, her doctors’ report. Sex- and orgasm-triggered strokes in relatively young women and men are rare, but not unheard of. “This young woman … while having intercourse had numbness on the left side of her face, slurred speech, and weakness in her left arm,” Jose Biller, MD, professor and chair of the neurology department at Loyola University, Chicago, told WebMD. Biller’s team was able to successfully treat the woman with tPA, a clot-busting drug.  The article said that while having a stroke during sex is unusual it can happen. “If you develop sudden neurological symptoms during sex, it could be a stroke and you need to seek help urgently and go to the emergency room,” says Brett L. Cucchiara, MD, director of the Penn Stroke Center at the University of Pennsylvania.

The Times Online reported that Russia snubbed its nose at the United States by announcing plans to sell military equipment to both Iran and Venezuela. The head of the state arms exporter said that Russia was negotiating to sell new anti-aircraft systems to Iran despite American objections. Russia is preparing to sell its S-300 surface-to-air missile system to Iran, offering greater protection against a possible US or Israeli attack on the Islamic republic’s nuclear facilities. The missiles have a range of more than 150 kilometres and can intercept jets approaching at low altitudes. Kommersant said that Russia was forming “alliance relations” with two anti-American regimes – Iran and Venezuela. Condoleezza Rice, the US Secretary of State, warned Moscow that it was playing a “dangerous game”. Pundits say that while it’s common for women to get screwed in politics, it doesn’t usually result in a good time.

“Hillary Clinton ran a hard and clean race and then got tossed away like so much trash, and Sarah Palin governs Alaska straight-up and takes on corruption and now she’s getting taken apart by the media as though she’s a dim-witted criminal,” said Stacy Ann Riboflavin, an athletic store manager and part-time B Vitamin.  “It’s sad to see good women getting screwed by the boys club and especially by women who hate other women’s accomplishments.  The really bad thing is that Palin will probably be kept out of office by catty bitches who are jealous of her and will vote for men out of spite. I’d try to change that but I’ve got enough problems trying to calm athletes on steroids by pushing B Complex.”

In other news, Reuters reported earlier this month that billionaire Warren Buffet said he would be comfortable putting Barack Obama in charge of running a business, but not his Berkshire Hathaway Inc insurance and investment company. Buffet said he plans to support the Democrat Party in the 2008 elections.  No word on why he thinks the Democrats are good enough to run somebody else’s business but not his own. Looks like he’d rather see someone else get screwed than himself.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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