Meanwhile, boob-centric mouse / mouse pad a hot new product too
September 24, 2008
The Seattle Times reported Monday that former president Bill Clinton says he understands the appeal of current Alaskan governor and VP candidate Sarah Palin. “I get why she’s hot out there,” Clinton said. And GIZMODO reported Monday that use of a new breast-related mouse and mouse pad combo will help your co-workers know your true passions. Debate over hotness and capability ramps up like Hillary Clinton’s blood pressure every time Bill opens up in public about his interest in other women.
“Hot new PC mice with breasts and hot new VP candidates with breasts are all well and good, but you’ve got to have substance to go along with them, if you’re going to be able to use them effectively to get things done,” said someone claiming to be Senator Hillary Clinton, wearing a hot-pink push-up bra purely for attention and carrying a Prada handbag containing Bill’s balls, purely for control. “I respect the whole combination of high-tech and high-touch, but I think people should make sure that the underlying systems behind any new breast-based product or service can deliver what you’re expecting. I know I can. Damned Obama. Screwed up all my plans. Damned Bill. Nothing but trouble.”
Some pundits say both products deliver even more than advertised. “The PC mouse with boobs may be new, but it’s got proven technology that delivers the web page or file you want every time you left click the left breast, and it will open menus at the click of the right tit, just the way you’d expect,” said Bob Throb-Knob, the president of a major tech company who likes to use an assumed name in order to blend in. “And Sarah Palin has a proven track record of busting up corruption in the Alaska’s oil company dealings as well as in her own political party, not to mention she’s got five kids. So you know she’s got plenty of good stuff going on in business, politics and sex. Sarah’s one hot babe with a hot brain and she’s effectively processing on so many levels I break into a sweat just thinking about her. I want her in office bad. Come to think about it, I just want her bad.”
The Seattle Times reported that Bill Clinton said Monday he understands why Sarah Palin is popular in the heartland: because people relate to her. “I come from Arkansas, I get why she’s hot out there,” Clinton said. “Why she’s doing well.” Speaking to reporters before his Clinton Global Initiative meeting, the former president described Palin’s appeal by adding, “People look at her, and they say, ‘All those kids. Something that happens in everybody’s family. I’m glad she loves her daughter and she’s not ashamed of her. Glad that girl’s going around with her boyfriend. Glad they’re going to get married.’ I get this,” Clinton said. “My view is … why say, ever, anything bad about a person? Why don’t we like them and celebrate them and be happy for her elevation to the ticket?” An Inebriated reporter said Clinton went on to speak at some length, off-the-record, about other aspects of elevation, erection and upward progression.
GIZMODO reported that a new boob-centric mouse and mouse pad lets your co-workers know your true passions. The article said that if you’re a 13-year-old boy or just someone with the maturity level of a 13-year-old boy, you’ll love the breast-related mouse and mouse pad combo. The mouse features a couple of boobs as buttons, while the mouse pad uses boobs as a wrist rest. The article said that for $38, it’s probably the only way you’re ever going to get your hands on two pairs of breasts at the same time. The writer called it a win/win! Some experts say that Americans can have the best of all worlds when they embrace the nicely breasted VP-PC mouse combo.
“What’s not to like about the female anatomy as represented by a solid VP candidate with governing experience and an electronic device designed to run your PC by pressing and squeezing little jubblies,” asked someone claiming to be Bill Clinton, the former leader of the free world, who never let sex-play in the Oval Office interfere with his cheeseburger consumption. “I can’t come out and advocate a Republican candidate, I’d like to but I just can’t. On the other hand you all know how I feel about breasts and people who have them. Let me just say that any smart devise with a set of knockers is bound to be better than the alternative.”
In other news, the Washington Post reported Monday that the US Senate has embraced last year’s Defense Science Board conclusion that directed-energy weapons — such as high-, medium- and low-power lasers — hold great potential and should be developed as soon as possible. Low-power lasers known as “dazzlers” are being used in Iraq, mounted on M-4 rifles, “to warn or temporarily incapacitate individuals,” according to the Defense Science Board’s report. Army, Special Forces and more recently Marine units are using them to warn or deter drivers approaching checkpoints and to “defuse potential escalation of force incidents,” according to the report. No word on whether future designs will use squeezable boobs for buttons, but Bill Clinton says he’s on board.
(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com