Daily Archives: September 30, 2008

VP Candidate Sarah Palin does what Obama can’t: conquer Pakistan

Pakistani President Zardari calls Palin “gorgeous” in meeting
Hefner wants her to pose in Playboy centerfold

Inebriated Press
September 30, 2008

TIME reported on Friday that when U.S. Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin met with Pakistan’s President Asif Ali Zardari in New York last week, he gushed: “You are more gorgeous than you are on [television].” And Starpulse reported last week that Playboy founder Hugh Hefner wants Palin to pose naked in Playboy magazine.  He said she looks sexy with glasses and would like to see her without.  Pundits debate the power of hot looking conservatism versus dry liberal hyperbole.

Sarah Palin meets Pakistani President Zardari

Sarah Palin meets Pakistani President Zardari

“It doesn’t matter that most of what presidential candidate Barack Obama says is bull shit, he’s all for ‘change’ and his one-hundred-plus votes of ‘present’ as a State and U.S. Senator proves that,” said Hockem “Bailout” McGraw, the owner of a taxpayer subsidized home for victims of their own stupidity.  “A pretty face shouldn’t get any attention in our society unless it’s talking liberal-socialist values that will result in me getting more stuff.  I only want my fair share and no one should be telling me to work for it.  I’m a lazy guy who has needs and wants and I’m getting really pissed off at some of these Hispanics who sneak into the country and are willing to work crap jobs and hope to become citizens.  Let them demand free stuff the same way I do and get in line.  It’s change they should believe in.”

Not everyone is buying what “Bailout” McGraw is selling.  “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and only expect the federal government to give you a level playing field and some opportunity, that’s all anyone should hope for,” said Mary-Belle Masters-Johnson, a self-help guru who moonlights by flashing her self-funded silicon enhancements at the Johnny Come-Lately Bar and Strip Club. “If Palin has natural beauty to go with her natural brains and a penchant for busting up old-boy networks that are corrupt, and she can use her looks and talent to bring the Middle East under control, for heavens’ sake let her to it!  Obama said he wants to chat with Iranian terrorists and maybe bomb Pakistan, while Palin smiles at one head of state and he bends to her will.  It’s a hell of a lot better than blowing up shit.  Let the woman ply her trade.  She’s a governor with an 80% approval rating for god’s sake! US Congress has 9% and Bush around 20%.  Let her kick some ass by looking hot and talking smart.  Where’s the harm in that?”

TIME reported that after U.S. Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin shook hands with Pakistan’s President Asif Ali Zardari in New York last week, and Palin declared she was honored to meet him, Zardari said: “You are more gorgeous than you are on [television]. Now I know why the whole of America is crazy about you.” At this point, the two were urged to shake hands again, presumably for the benefit of the cameras. “I’m supposed to pose again,” Palin said quietly. Pointing toward the aide that prompted them, Zardari said, “If he’s insisting, I might hug.” TIME said that the resulting exchange turned Palin into a household name in Pakistan, but saw Zardari pilloried at home as a source of national embarrassment and accused of sexism and impropriety.



Starplus reported that Hugh Hefner wants Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin to pose naked in Playboy magazine— if her White House campaign fails. The 44-year-old Alaska Governor and former beauty queen has a huge male following— and Hefner is convinced the magazine would fly off the shelves if she agreed to strip for him.  Hefner told OK! magazine: “Palin would make a great centerfold. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about a really sexy-looking woman wearing glasses. Imagine what she’s like when those glasses come off. It would be a new definition of the word vice in vice president.”  Some people say beauty is only skin deep, but others argue that since Helen of Troy’s face could launch a thousand ships, American’s should give Sarah Palin a shot.

“If Palin was nothing more than a pretty face, it would make sense to diss her and put her down,” said Jo Bloe, a pet store owner who wrestles tigers in her spare time as a way to relax.  “The fact is, she has more governing experience than Obama and Biden put together and a much higher approval rating among her constituents.  She broke up corruption in her own Party and beat the big oil companies in fair negotiations. So what if she’s not an expert in foreign policy – neither is Obama and he’s running for president not vice president. Palin is bright and has common sense; Barack waits for Michelle to tell him what to do.  When I imagine Sarah breaking the glass ceiling by becoming the first female vice president of the United States of America, busting up corruption in the federal government and then posing in Playboy, I almost start gushing about her like the Pakistani president does.  There’s way more to Sarah Palin than good looks.  Zardari’s got vision, that’s for sure.”

Yasmin Fostok

Yasmin Fostok

In other news, the UK Mail Online reported Saturday that Yasmin Fostok, the daughter of firebrand Muslim cleric Omar Bakri Mohammed, has been revealed as a topless, tattooed pole dancer. The 26-year-old single mother has been displaying her charms in London clubs and touring as a ‘podium’ dancer with a troupe called Ibiza Untouched.  The cleric dismissed the reports and told the media Islam would soon conquer Britain. “You are going to pay a heavy price,” Bakri said.  “You can read it any way you like. The time is now.” No word on whether part of Bakri’s strategy for taking over Britain involves his pole dancing daughter, but who knows, she might be more than just a pretty face.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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