Playboy’s ‘Women of Wall Street’ and Virgin Galactic’s Sex Video

Playboy looks for bare market on Wall Street
Virgin Galactic Rejects Million-Dollar Offer to Film Sex Video

Inebriated Press
October 8, 2008

Reuters reported last week that since everyone’s losing their shirt on Wall Street anyway, Playboy decided to get in on the strip’em-bare act, by launching a search for models to pose for its upcoming feature, “Women of Wall Street.” And reported last week that Virgin Galactic has refused a million-dollar proposal to film a sex video while the participants are floating gravity free.  Meanwhile, UK’s News of The World reported last week, that a teachers union says teachers shouldn’t be prosecuted for having sex with pupils over the age of 16.  Debate over sex in space, school and Wall Street is getting all hot and sweaty like tax collectors reading the Obama tax plan.

“Some people think Barack Obama’s tax plan won’t really end up providing relief to 95% of Americans because his brief history as Senator shows that he voted in favor of tax increases or against tax breaks over 90 times; but we can’t really hold that against him because he doesn’t recall that being the case.  The same thing is true of his friends who some people say are ‘questionable’.  It’s important that we remember that Jeremiah Wright isn’t the pastor Barack remembers listening to for the past twenty years, and convicted racketeer and real estate partner Tony Rezko isn’t the guy Obama remembers him to be, and to Barack, Bill Ayers doesn’t seem like the kind of person who advocates socialism and put bombs in the Pentagon,” said Stacy Lacy-Blouse, a free-love regulated-market advocate, and a woman whose breast size soared into a G cup, which now makes her “average” according to the British paper, The Sun.  “It’s time that Obama’s critics set aside their clinging to ‘actions speaking louder than words’ rhetoric and just accept what he says is the truth today.  Yesterday’s gone and all things are relative including the truth.  Just go with the flow.  I’m okay, you’re okay and only the religious right should be taken out and shot.  Hah, just kidding, the Jews should go too.”

Not everyone agrees with Lacy-Blouse.  “I don’t know what Stacy is talking about, all I know is that teachers shouldn’t be having sex with kids of any age in school, Virgin Galactic is missing out on a million dollars because they want to appear ethical, and Wall Street women have already lost their shirts so Playboy was beaten to the punch by Fannie Mae and Barney Frank,” said Mr. Clean, a useful household product that removes stains and disinfects kitchens but couldn’t save Bill Clinton from himself.  “As long as voters ignore the fact that Barack Obama is like the emperor who has no clothes, they’ll keep thinking he and his socialist cronies Ayers, Pelosi, Wright and Reid can fix America’s economic problems and protect us from Islamofascists and crazy Russians.  Only in the past twenty years have Americans decided that Saturday Night Live is the same as the US House of Representatives and given them both equal weight.  But maybe the people are right.  Everybody is a clown.  Isn’t there some way we can clone Ronald Reagan and Abraham Lincoln and straighten this place out?”

Reuters reported that Playboy magazine, long famous for its photo spreads of nude women and lessons in living the urbane life of the well-heeled bachelor, is launching a search for models to pose for its upcoming feature, “Women of Wall Street.” Playboy is seeking current and former employees of the financial world, and is especially interested in those with more senior job experience. Playboy came up with the idea for the feature after the onset of the global financial crisis, which has vaporized fortunes and left Wall Street reeling. It is planned for the February 2009 edition of the monthly magazine and on its website. reported that Virgin Galactic, the private company planning to take wealthy tourists to the edge of the atmosphere starting in late 2009 or early 2010, has refused a million-dollar proposal to film a sex video while the participants are floating gravity free, the company’s president said. Will Whitehorn, president of Virgin Galactic, said the offer, from an unidentified party, “was $1 million, up front, for a sex-in-space movie. That was money we had to refuse, I’m afraid.”

News of The World reported that teachers should not be prosecuted for having sex with pupils over 16, claim union bosses. The NASUWT says it is unfair to treat teachers who have affairs with students who are over 16 as sex offenders, insisting all they are guilty of is an “error of professional judgment”. In 2001 it became illegal for teachers to have any intimate or sexual affair with any pupil in their school under 18. But NASUWT general secretary Chris Keates told the Tonight show it’s wrong to criminalize these teachers. Some pundits argue that believing that everything is relative and that there are no ethical absolutes is what got the world economy into the mess it’s in.

“When everyone starts thinking that morality is merely subjective and relative and that there is no right or wrong, we get indiscriminate sex at all ages and in all social circles between kids and adults; and ethics unravel and sexually transmitted disease becomes rampant.  That’s the same thing that happens when people treat money and mortgages as relative and subjective, pretty soon you’ve got a complete lack of ethics in finance, and face systemic collapse of the economy and the banking system,” said Colgate ‘Cole’ Palmolive-Bodycare, a simple thinking blonde girl of 16 who comes from a long line of skin care products, but refuses to be seen as a mere sex object or a hand cream.  “People need to use the common sense God gave them and stop pretending that they don’t know any better.  They know what they’re doing is wrong.  The bankers knew they were acting stupidly with all the loans, so did Barney Frank who was the top regulator overseeing Fannie Mae.  You think teachers don’t know they shouldn’t be having sex with children?  They know.  Get your shit together people, you’re riding the path to hell on a hopped up Harley and refuse to use the brakes.”

In other news, the New York Post reported that Barack Obama’s top political adviser said Monday Obama “didn’t know the history” of unrepentant bomber William Ayers’ activities in the violent Weather Underground movement when the candidate attended a political event at Ayers’ home in 1995. No word on why Obama didn’t know it during subsequent meetings or when he served as chairman of Ayers’ Wood Foundation, or during other meetings and gatherings between them.  But that was then, and this is now.  Move along folks, nothing to see here.

(C) 2008

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