Barack Obama’s Past Irrelevant To Future Presidency
Inebriated Press \ Division of Rant (with Pretzels)
October 10, 2008
Inebriated reporter Tomalina Thumb-Foote, reported today that Vice Presidential hopeful Joe Biden has produced a YouTube video on which he tearfully pleads with American’s to stop questioning Presidential Candidate Barack Obama’s judgment and says “leave Britney, I mean Barry, alone.” Reportedly Biden said Obama’s “real agenda” is to change America, and voters should put their faith in him to do that, and stop asking questions about it. In the YouTube video Biden says that Obama’s friendship with his political backer Bill Ayers, the unrepentant Pentagon bomber who said in a British video interview a couple of years ago, that he still seeks the overthrow of the U.S. government and of the entire capitalist system, was merely a strategy of bait-and-switch and that Obama can also be characterized as a right-wing zealot.
“On many occasions I went mammal hunting and to NRA conventions with Barack Obama during his extreme right-wing days, but I know that after twenty years in Jeremiah Wrights anti-American church, he’s moderated his views and is more of a centrist now,” said someone claiming to be Joe Biden, in an exclusive Inebriated interview conducted between Jell-O shots in a strip club offering lap dances and flu shots. “Barry was a hardliner rightist then, but after he became a community organizer and was tapped by Ayres to run his Woods Fund Board and he started training ACORN activists using Saul Alinsky’s Communist organizing tactics of intimidation, he softened his stance away from god and guns and found a unique balance. Anyone who questions his involvement with radical left-wing socialists and his voting record in support of them, is ignoring his desire to support leaving babies born alive during botched abortions to die in stainless steel pans alone in a laundry room. He can be as hard core as any right-winger on some stuff, so you know he’s tough and not just a wishy-washy socialist with elitist ideals.”
Not everyone believes that Joe Biden said those things. “Biden would never say that Obama was right-wing or left-wing, because when he was running for president himself Biden said Obama lacked experience to be president and that he voted against supporting American troops in Iraq by voting no to funding weapons and protective gear,” said a passerby who seemed unusually well informed for an unidentified individual. “Biden also said he agreed with McCain on the Iraq issues before he became Obama’s running mate. Kind of like Joe Lieberman, the long time Democrat statesman who has endorsed McCain for President — except he hasn’t changed his mind yet. You have to know that when Biden starts saying Obama’s the right choice that he’s really become a believer in Obama for President now. So I’m sure he didn’t say that stuff about the NRA.”
Obama critics have begun raising questions about President Barack Obama’s judgment and what his true plans to “change America” mean, in light of his affiliation and friendships with a host of anti-American’s who have provided the foundation of his ascension from a rogue Chicago organizer to the highest office in the land. But defenders explain that Obama’s friendship and business affiliation with convicted and jailed racketeer Tony Rezko display a cunning ability that’s positive because Obama simply used Rezko to get land he wanted, and they say the experience Obama gained will serve him well as President. They also point out that the twenty years he spent listening to the preaching of Reverend Jeremiah Wright as he spewed anti-American hatred and said “god damn America” and claimed the US Government invented the AIDS virus and intentionally infected black Americans with it, helps him better understand the views of Al Qaeda, and the US Governments role in healthcare.
Similarly, Obama’s supporters say his acceptance of the Nation of Islam, and his willingness to unconditionally talk with Iranian President Ahmadinejad who wants Israel wiped off the face of the earth, will allow him to better identify with those who hate America and negotiate ways to change the U.S. into a country that better reflects what foreign leaders want. “When Barack says he’s a ‘citizen of the world’ and won’t wear American flag lapel pins or say the Pledge of Allegiance, he’s showing his tolerance and compassion for the views of those who hate us. There isn’t a better approach to working with anti-American’s and using their creative ideas to change the United States into something that they will love and respect,” said Karl Marx-Ahmadinejad, a peaceful agent of social change through education, intimidation and occasional violence. “Once we change the laws to force radio stations to use left-wing programming to offset popular conservative radio programs, and we remove all vestiges of Christianity from our culture and put Muslim footbaths in all public places, we’ll have moved closer to a country that’s acceptable to those who hate us. Its change they can believe in so we should too.”
In other news, most American’s in fly-over god-and-guns country are still not convinced that they want to set aside traditional American values, culture, history and the Constitution designed to insure freedom for a Democratic-Republic, in favor of Marxist-Islamofascist governing ideals with economy busting taxes. These folks, still irrationally clinging to god and guns, think it’s a better idea to elect a war-hero maverick who tried to get regulation of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac but was thwarted by Democrats, and is pro-American to the extent that he lived in a POW camp for 5 1/2 years because he fought for America; and a PTA-mom governor who rooted out corruption in her own party, and has a common sense view of energy and life. No word on why they’re stuck with such old fashioned ideas of freedom and democracy, but perhaps they’ll come around if Biden can get the silly truth-seekers to just “leave Barry alone.”
(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com