Daily Archives: October 16, 2008

The Battle for Plants Rights and Income Redistribution

Ethicists demand dignity for vegetation
Obama’s tax plan gives “rebates” to non-tax payers
Inebriated Press
October 15, 2008
The Wall Street Journal reported last week that Switzerland has a new law that requires crop scientists to prove their research activity will not humiliate plants.  The law, based on a constitutional amendment, came into being after the Swiss Parliament asked a panel of philosophers, lawyers, geneticists and theologians to establish the meaning of flora’s dignity.  And The Wall Street Journal reported this week that presidential candidate Barack Obama’s plan to cut taxes for 95% of Americans actually is a rebate program that pays citizens who don’t pay taxes, thus redistributing income from those who do, to those who don’t.  Pundits debate the value of dignity to inanimate vegetation and very animated tax payers who keep footing all the bills.
Obama Tax Plan via Wall Street Journal
Obama Tax Plan via Wall Street Journal

“Under Obama’s tax law American’s making from $85,000 to $100,000 will have no significant tax increase or decrease, but anyone making less than $85,000 and more than $100,000 will have rates of 30% to 45%, and that will make them more neighborly and dignified, just like the plants the Swiss scientists must care about under their new law,” said Happy Dictator, an unemployed American Marxist, whose dreams of higher income for the same lack of activity are about to be realized if Obama is elected. “Dignity for plants means leaving them alone, and dignity for Marxists like me is the same.  Just give us more of the good stuff that others have accumulated — those hard working capitalist bastards who take financial risks and don’t get government bailouts.  Morons.  They deserve to pay 45% of their income to me in taxes.”

Not everyone sees it the way Happy Dictator does.  “They say a plant has rights and dignity that cannot be impugned, a pig has rights and dignity that cannot be impugned; terrorists captured on battlefields in Iraq trying to kill Americans who we capture and lock up in Guantanamo have rights and dignity that cannot be impugned.  Meanwhile hard working American taxpayers who finance all of this and send our kids to war to protect everyone’s freedom, we get to pay even more to deadbeats?  You have no idea how wrong this is,” said I.M. Skrued, a US worker making $45,000 a year as a capitalist restaurant manager, who no longer fits into the new age of America being built on Democrat Party socialism.  “If our government is run totally by Democrats with Obama, Pelosi and Reid leading the left-wing charge, I’ll have to quit working so I’ll get a bigger income and I can pay my bills and send my kids to college.  With my pay level getting a 45% federal tax burden, plus state and sales taxes on top of it, I’d have less money from working my job than I will living on the government dole.  I don’t know who’ll pay all the taxes when we all quit our jobs and try living off the government, but I guess that won’t be my problem.”

The Wall Street Journal reported that this spring Switzerland began mandating that geneticists conduct their research without trampling on a plant’s dignity. “Unfortunately, we have to take it seriously,” said Beat Keller, a molecular biologist at the University of Zurich. “It’s one more constraint on doing genetic research.” Dr. Keller recently sought government permission to do a field trial of genetically modified wheat that has been bred to resist a fungus. He first had to debate the finer points of plant dignity with university ethicists. Then, in a written application to the government, he tried to explain why the planned trial wouldn’t “disturb the vital functions or lifestyle” of the plants. He eventually got the green light. Several years ago, when Christof Sautter, a botanist at Switzerland’s Federal Institute of Technology, failed to get permission to do a local field trial on transgenic wheat, he moved the experiment to the U.S. He’s too embarrassed to mention the new dignity rule to his American colleagues. “They’ll think Swiss people are crazy,” he says.

The Journal reported Monday that one of Barack Obama’s most potent campaign claims is that he’ll cut taxes for no less than 95% of “working families.” He’s even promising to cut taxes enough that the government’s tax share of GDP will be no more than 18.2% — which is lower than it is today. It’s a clever pitch, because it lets him pose as a middle-class tax cutter while disguising that he’s also proposing one of the largest tax increases ever on the other 5%. But how does he conjure this miracle, especially since more than a third of all Americans already pay no income taxes at all? There are several sleights of hand, but the most creative is to redefine the meaning of “tax cut.”

secret smoker and secret socialist
Obama: secret smoker and secret socialist

For the Obama Democrats, a tax cut is no longer letting you keep more of what you earn. In their lexicon, a tax cut includes tens of billions of dollars in government handouts that are disguised by the phrase “tax credit.” Mr. Obama is proposing to create or expand no fewer than seven such credits for individuals. Here’s the political catch. All the “credits” are “refundable,” which is Washington-speak for the fact that you can receive these checks even if you have no income-tax liability. In other words, they are an income transfer — a federal check — from taxpayers to non-taxpayers. Once upon a time we called this “welfare.” Mr. Obama’s genius is to call it a tax cut.

The Tax Foundation estimates that under the Obama plan 63 million Americans, or 44% of all tax filers, would have no income tax liability and most of those would get a check from the IRS each year. The Heritage Foundation’s Center for Data Analysis estimates that by 2011, under the Obama plan, an additional 10 million filers would pay zero taxes while cashing checks from the IRS. The total annual expenditures on refundable “tax credits” would rise over the next 10 years by $647 billion to $1.054 trillion, according to the Tax Policy Center. This means that the tax-credit welfare state would soon cost four times actual cash welfare. By redefining such income payments as “tax credits,” the Obama campaign also redefines them away as a tax share of GDP. Presto, the federal tax burden looks much smaller than it really is. Some pundits argue that taxes and dignity are all concepts and as such can be redefined weekly by today’s New Democrats (also a redefinition, in that they used to be referred to as Old Socialists).

“All meaning on earth is relative and subjective and can only be defined by the State — morality, tax credits, life itself,” said Eva Gram-Kracker, a buxom mother of none, who supports Obama because he voted three times against the law to provide medical support to children who survive botched abortions.  “The dignity of a human being is determined by governments and when Barack is running things it’ll be his good judgment that defines our dignity, tax receipts and the fair treatment of Islamofascists.  He’ll sit down and talk with Iranian president Ahmadinejad and give him what he wants so he’ll like our country.  He’ll fix other problems too, like solving world poverty by giving more American tax dollars to the United Nations to redistribute to the world.  He’ll end all wars and the lives of any children you don’t want around.  He is his own god and he’ll soon be yours and mine too.  I can hardly wait!”

In other news, the New York Post reported yesterday that Lawrence Trout stands to win a cool $2 million if a UFO appears in the sky.  British gaming house William Hill covered a $2,000 bet at 1,000 to 1, that a huge intergalactic spaceship from the alien Federation of Light will appear. “We have always been apprehensive of space-based bets ever since we paid out the equivalent of millions when Neil Armstrong landed on the moon in 1969,” said a spokesman for William Hill, which took the action anyway. No word on how much money Obama would like to take in taxes if the aliens appear, but the odds are we’ll all be paying more in the future whether Martians arrive or not.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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