Beach Sex Prison, Your Brain on Monogamy, And Strip Club Injuries

Brit couple gets prison term in Dubai for sex on beach
Researcher says monogamy may alter brain chemistry
Man sues club after injury from stripper action

Inebriated Press
October 20, 2008

BBC News reported last week that a British couple arrested in Dubai for having sex on a public beach in July, were sentenced to prison.  And UPI reported last week that a U.S. researcher says a study of prairie voles suggests monogamy may alter brain chemistry — in both animals and humans.  Meanwhile the Associated Press weighed in with news that a man is suing a strip club for injuries sustained when a performers shoe flew off during a pole dance, shattering a mirror and injuring him.  Pundits ponder law and brain chemistry while legally pounding Jack Daniels at the Helpless Otter and Goose Down Pit, while ignoring the presidential debates entirely.

“Who gives a rats ass about what one or the other candidate says, I’ve got a jug of booze and a babe with jugs and a free man’s attitude that won’t be squelched,” said Buddy Spritz, a part-time construction worker and full-time Harley owner, who believes that you make your own life and take your own liberties.  “I did my time in the Middle East and I’m making my way back in the land of the free.  I wouldn’t screw on a Dubai beach knowing those crazy Arabs, and if I get hurt in a club, hey, it won’t be the first time and probably not the last.  As far as the monogamous thing goes, I don’t know anything about that.  Maybe some day.”

Not everyone is as cavalier as Spritz.  “You got to pay attention to the elections and vote for the lesser of two evils, and you gotta know if crazy Arabs — I mean you should understand the rules of other cultures — when you’re on their beaches,” said May Fli-Pole, a slender brown bastion of all things female, and hotter than hell to boot. “You live in a free country and want to keep it that way? Then you gotta vote for the party that lets you make the decisions and doesn’t try to pimp you with money and take away your freedoms.  And monogamy is good if you want higher odds of avoiding disease; probably doesn’t hurt to look into that.  About strip clubs, I don’t get hurt; I give hurt, if anybody screws with me.  I got that shit covered.”

BBC News reported that a British couple was arrested in July for having sex on a public beach, in Dubai, a country of strict Islamic values. For three months 36-year-old Michelle Palmer and her one night stand Vince Acors, were barred from leaving the country. Now they have been sentenced to three months in prison and ordered to leave Dubai once that sentence has been served. The policeman who arrested them said, despite an earlier warning about their inappropriate behavior, he had later returned to find them having sex on a sunlounger.

UPI reported that a U.S. researcher says a study of prairie voles suggests monogamy may alter brain chemistry, resulting in depression when separated from their mate. Neuroscientist Larry J. Young of Emory University said close monogamous relationships foster the release of corticotropin-releasing factor, or CRF, that builds loyalty. The compound, however, can also result in depression when the pair are separated. He said the same chemical is found in human brains. “Whenever you form a pair bond, it changes your neurochemistry,” Young said. “If you lose that partner, it has a dramatic impact on the brain.” The study is published in the journal Neurospychopharmacology.

Associated Press reported that a Florida man is suing a Pompano Beach club claiming a performer’s shoe flew off during a pole dance, shattered the mirrored ceiling and caused glass and the shoe to hit him. The lawsuit filed in Broward County by 35-year-old Charles Privette says the Booby Trap breached its duty when its employee failed to perform her routine in a reasonably safe manner. The suit seeks at least $15,000 in damages. Privette’s attorney says his client suffered a small cut to his eyebrow, headaches and nose bleeds because of the pole dance. Some people say you get what you pay for.

“You have sex on the cheap in the sand instead of a nice hotel room or go to a cheap hooker club and get beat up, what are you expecting?  Butterflies and licorice whips for consolation prizes?” asked Mable Mellon-Carnage, a matron of some dignity, who only trades it for tips when waitressing at Denny’s during the late-late shift. “And a monogamous couple with true commitment and love for each other is going to get and give a lot, and it’ll be a good trade. You do get what you pay for most of the time — except in government; there you want as little interference as possible.  Now get out and vote you lazy asses.  Like they say in Chicago, ‘vote early, vote often.’  It’s the Chicago way.”

In other news, MyFoxColorado reported last week, that the outdoor sportsman industry hopes that the gun-totting Governor Sarah Palin, can re-energize the industry. According to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, the overall number of hunters has declined to 12.5 million from 14.1 million in the past 15 years. Higher gas prices, increased license fees, and climbing equipment costs have all helped keep hunters out of the high country. “I would love to go hunting with my husband,” said Dylis McDole. “He just hasn’t bought me anything yet.” The industry hopes Palin will help get women in the cross-hairs and get more people back in the hunt.  No word on whether Palin likes beach sex or strip clubs, but it looks like she’s got the monogamy thing down.

(C) 2008

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