Decriminalizing Prostitution, ‘No God’ slogans, and U.S. Suicide Rate Rising

San Francisco to vote this fall on decriminalizing prostitution
U.K. buses to carry “There’s probably no God” signs
Suicide rate leaps higher for U.S. middle-aged white men

Inebriated Press
October 23, 2008

CBS 13 Sacramento reported Tuesday that San Francisco will become the first major U.S. city to decriminalize prostitution if voters approve Proposition K next month.  And BBC News reported Tuesday that the British Humanist Association, with matching funds from atheist Professor Richard Dawkins, are funding posters on the sides of buses reading “There’s probably no God”.  Meanwhile, Bloomberg reported the same day, that U.S. suicide rates are climbing, fueled by a 17 percent rise among middle-aged white guys.  Pundits are debating why men would be killing themselves when President Obama will be mailing them checks to pay for legal hookers this coming February, and god is no longer around to blame them for stuff.

San Francisco Entrepreneur

San Francisco Entrepreneur

“There is no reason for middle-aged white guys to be taking themselves out when prostitution is about to be legalized, Barack is going to send them checks for not working, and the Obama administration is going to have modern terrorists like Bin Laden and old 1960’s traditional terrorists like Bill Ayers all under his thumb,” said Zesty Fremale-Uplift, a rebuilt blonde bombshell, currently working at the Starlite Motor Lodge and Strip Club.  “And the bus sign’s saying that there’s no god should only encourage them, knowing that nobody is out there saying that what they do is wrong.  The years ahead will be ones of so much freedom and limited restraint that almost anything will go — except old fashioned ethics and stodgy concepts like personal responsibility.  It’s high time those are tossed out the window anyway and in a few months they will be.  Finally most of the income I make moonlighting will be legal!”

Freedom from god & responsibility

Freedom from god & responsibility

Not everyone is as comfortable with the future as Fremale-Uplift.  “The current polls show that Obama will win the presidency with socialist values, an anti-American support group and the Marxist tactics of intimidation.  Old traditional white guys are realizing that their era is formally at an end, and they’re killing themselves now rather than waiting,” said Jon Doe, a boring middle aged white guy, whose small company provides jobs for fifteen American taxpayers of all kinds, at least for now.  “Traditional values like working hard to earn a living and investing the money you can save, taking personal responsibility for yourself and your family, going to church and supporting faith-based missions, these are all going to be replaced by social systems built and run by people like Bill Ayers, Tony Rezko, Jeremiah Wright, Louis Farrakhan, Nancy Pelosi and George Soros.  Being able to get a hooker legally just doesn’t replace the feeling of accomplishment that hard working guys get when they build up America and it’s economic and military prowess.  I’m not saying that people of other sexes and colors didn’t help to build our country, but since everybody blames us white guys for the problems and want us gone, I guess we’re going.  Some of us see no place for ourselves in the future other than to provide backbone and cash for the Obama administration to take and use whatever way they want.  Some of us would rather be dead than be part of that.”

CBS 13 Sacramento reported that in San Francisco, a live-and-let-live town, where medical marijuana clubs do business next to grocery stores and an annual fair celebrates sadomasochism, prostitutes could soon walk the streets without fear of arrest. San Francisco would become the first major U.S. city to decriminalize prostitution if voters next month approve Proposition K — a measure that forbids local authorities from investigating, arresting or prosecuting anyone for selling sex. The ballot question technically would not legalize prostitution since state law still prohibits it, but the measure would eliminate the power of local law enforcement officials to go after prostitutes. “It will allow workers to organize for our rights and for our safety,” said Patricia West, 22, who said she has been selling sex for about a year by placing ads on the Internet. She moved to San Francisco in May from Texas to work on Proposition K.
BBC News reported that buses with the slogan “There’s probably no God” could soon be running on the streets of London. The atheist posters are the idea of the British Humanist Association (BHA) and have been supported by prominent atheist Professor Richard Dawkins. The BHA planned only to raise £5,500, which was to be matched by Professor Dawkins, but it has now raised more than £36,000 of its own accord. It aims to have two sets of 30 buses carrying the signs for four weeks. The complete slogan reads: “There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.” Hanne Stinson, chief executive of the BHA, said: “We see so many posters advertising salvation through Jesus or threatening us with eternal damnation, that I feel sure that a bus advert like this will be welcomed as a breath of fresh air.”

Bloomberg reported that the suicide rate in the U.S. rose from 1999 to 2005, the first increase after a decline of more than a decade, fueled by a 17 percent rise among middle-aged whites, researchers reported. Rates of suicide declined slightly among blacks and Asians of all ages, as well as among white teenagers and adults younger than 40. The number of white people ages 40 to 64 who took their own lives increased, to 17.5 for every 100,000 people in 2005 from 14.9 per 100,000 in 1999. Men continue to kill themselves at more than three times the rate of women, a ratio that changed little in the six years examined. “I don’t know what’s going on with this age group,” said Susan Baker, a professor at the Center for Injury Research and Policy at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health in Baltimore, who led the analysis, which was published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine. Baker said she was worried and that “the trend may continue or get worse.” Some people say its natural selection’s finest hour.

“Typically a species or sub-class on the decline will fail to reproduce, get weak and die, or just start to disappear, but it’s an interesting phenomenon that American middle-aged white males are exterminating themselves,” said social anthropologist and Darwinian poet, Janelle Jiffy-Lubbe, as she sat contemplating human reproduction through cellular division and petroleum byproducts.  “I think it represents a rapid advancement of Darwinian Theory in that it displays an intellectual approach to sub-species elimination, through self-deletion.  Instead of worrying about it, we should be celebrating it.  Of course they’ve been a very productive group and are responsible for the U.S. Constitution, but that’s in need of changing anyway.  They were good in their day, but their day is over.  Nothing to see here folks, move along.”

UK hooker, the early years.

UK hooker, the early years.

In other news, the U.K. Daily Mail reported Tuesday that the mother of a 13-year-old girl rewards her behavior by giving her cigarettes. “If I ground her, I’m just punishing myself because I have to put up with her in the house. Instead, I reward her good behavior by giving her cigarettes. If she’s bad, she goes without,” said Tracy Holt, the girls’ mother. “Giving out cigarettes as a reward works.” Holt, 43, knows her daughter Sam also drinks but is just relieved that it’s not more than a couple of cans of lager a night. And she decided not to get angry about her daughter losing her virginity at 12, instead insisting that Sam uses contraception. Sam admits having had four sexual partners in less than a year but said: “I only sleep with boyfriends.” The teenager claims being given cigarettes for her 15-a-day habit has helped her behavior. “If Mum tells me to tidy my room, I ignore her but if she offers me a fag, I do it.” No word on whether Sam plans to move to San Francisco where she can get both cigarettes and cash for plying a sex trade, or if she’ll stay in the U.K. and give out sex for free, but have the buses to remind her that “There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.”

(C) 2008

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