NASA Lander Dies, So Does Drilling for Oil and Definition of Terrorist

Mars lander appears to have finally passed away
Obama to use executive powers to block drilling leases
Obama to transfer men formerly known as terrorists, to US from Guantanamo, try them as criminals

Inebriated Press
November 12, 2008

BetaNews reported yesterday that NASA’s Phoenix Mars lander has not issued any transmissions in a week, and it appears that it has run out of energy and “died”.  The death wasn’t unexpected. And Mathaba News Network reported Monday that president elect Obama will use executive power to reverse Bush era directives, including blocking new oil drilling leases on land in Utah. This was also not unexpected.  In addition, UK’s Times Online reported that aides to Barack Obama said yesterday, that he will move swiftly to close Guantanamo Bay and ship the “terrorist suspects” to the U.S. mainland where they will be tried as criminals. This wasn’t unexpected either.  American’s who have feared that an Obama presidency will display the man represented by his past community activist days and liberal leanings, plus his radical friends and associates, are seeing the very thing they expected.  And so are liberals as they cling to faith in anti-god and anti-guns.

“The power of change is alive, well and dominating America, and the U.S. will not be the same when we’re through converting it into a progressive European styled socialist welfare state that’s tolerant of fascists, drug users and Russian domination, but stands against personal responsibility, traditional religious teachings and conservative values,” said Libby Archetype, a multi-cultural bisexual policy expert, at the Change for Any Reason Institute, and director of the Obama as God Project.  “The old ways of doing and thinking are gone, swept away by the waters of reasonless optimism, baseless enthusiasm and blind faith in The One. There are no terrorists, only petty criminals who need training in positive self esteem, and there is no energy problem, only oodles of sun beams waiting to replace fossil fuels on January 20th.  And Barack will bring the NASA lander back to life.  It isn’t dead; it’s just frozen in the past by lifeless Bush rhetoric and clumsy but somehow successful protection of the country after 9-11.  Barack will change everything.”

Not everyone agrees with Archetype.  “Any decision to stop the search and development of oil while we continue developing new sources of energy is misguided, and any change to prosecuting men found on a battlefield to the same as a guy with too many parking tickets, is a perversion of both justice and common sense,” said Rock Hardd-Core, a muscle-bound philosophy professor often confused for someone else.  “I’m not arguing that we shouldn’t do something with the guys on Guantanamo, I’ve got plenty of ideas I can share but you can’t put them in print. But the notion that suddenly terrorists and war combatants’ are petty criminals with the rights of a U.S. citizen is absurd.  The Mars lander has died alright, and so has the last vestige of plain thinking and American logic.  God help us all.  No not that one, the Real One.”

BetaNews reported that Phoenix spacecraft appears to have finally passed away, although not before accomplishing its main NASA missions around exploring the terrain and weather conditions of the so-called “Red Planet.” On Monday, managers of the NASA spacecraft announced they are suspending any operations related to the vehicle until next spring, given that they haven’t received any transmissions from it for a week. The death of the Phoenix wasn’t unexpected, since the Martian winter had set in and the Phoenix’s solar panels had started to generate less energy. Still, NASA managers had hoped to eek out a few more weeks of performance from the craft. But right after the Phoenix completed its last major experiment on October 27, an unanticipated dust storm struck, and on-board batteries — already strained by running the experiment — started to give way. The space vehicle put itself into a low-energy safe mode, and then stopped sending signals. The Phoenix started to come back to life intermittently on October 30, but never managed to completely recharge its batteries, finally fading away.

Mathaba News Network quoted John Podesta, head of Obama’s transition team: “There’s a lot the president can do using his executive authority without waiting for congressional action.” The article went on to explain that President-elect Barack Obama will likely use his executive powers after taking office to block new drilling leases on environmentally sensitive land in Utah and to allow federal funding of stem-cell research, putting a quick mark on policy making. Podesta said Obama is “a transformational figure” and that the support he received among voters in some Republican states and conservative counties gives him a mandate to pursue his agenda aggressively.

The Times Online reported that Barack Obama will move swiftly to close Guantanamo Bay as soon as he takes office, his aides said Monday, in a clear and early sign of how determined he is to break with President Bush. Mr Obama is planning to ship dozens of terrorist suspects from the camp to face criminal trial in the US. He is looking at creating a new “terrorism court” on the US mainland to try up to 80 terror suspects, including Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the self-confessed September 11 master-mind. Mr Obama said last week that he would close the camp “as quickly as we can do prudently”. The move will face stiff opposition from many Republicans on Capitol Hill and a substantial number of Americans who strongly oppose bringing terror suspects to US soil with traditional rules of evidence that give those being prosecuted the presumption of innocence.
 
Some pundits argue that everyone is innocent because ethics are relative and law is subjective and arbitrary; as such they say, it can not be legally enforced.

“The true nature of life is evolutionary and changing as particles and matter spin about in a chaotic mass of time, chance, revolution and maybe-mightbe; Darwin taught us that, and we should know better than to attempt to put constraints on human nature, or try to bring order from chaos” said Misty Sunbeam-Notbright, a scholar of extraordinary clarity and vibrancy, whose only vice is her authoritarian bent to bully everyone into doing what she wants, and her intolerance of ideas not her own.  “There is no such thing as good or evil, there is no truth or lie, all is universal oneness, and discomfort is just the occasional friction of growth and newness as we evolve into greater beings.  Hand me that med bottle will you, I seem to have evolved a cold sore and man does it sting.”

In other news, Times Online reported last Friday that gun stores across the United States are reporting a massive surge in sales as buyers rush to stockpile firearms in case of a ban under soon-to-be President Obama. “He’s a gun-snatcher,” Jim Pruett, owner of Jim Pruett’s Guns and Ammo in northwest Houston, told the newspaper. “He wants to take our guns from us and create a socialist society policed by his own police force.”  Obama’s much reported remark that “bitter” small town Americans “cling to guns and religion” seems to have resonated with some citizens, and they’re cling to god and guns more tightly than ever. No word on how the left explains the evolution of citizens who have a sudden need to protect themselves and their rights, but perhaps it’s a case of “anti-transformational” discord that Obama and his suspects formerly known as terrorists, have elicited.  Or maybe common sense isn’t dead after all.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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