Your Eyeball as Webcam and New STD Dating Model

San Francisco artist looks to replace lost eyeball with webcam
New Dating: Dinner, Movie and an STD Test?

Inebriated Press
November 20, 2008

Webcam eyeball wannabee

Webcam eyeball wannabee

New York Daily News reported Monday that a one-eyed San Francisco artist wants to replace her missing eye with a Web cam and tech experts say it’s possible; and MyFox Kansas City reported Monday, that a new Overland Park lab is betting its business on a rather unusual new dating model. MedExpress is telling couples to stop in and get an STD test before grabbing dinner or going dancing. Pundits debate the marvels of science and sex, as cyber humans are created right before our webcam eyes.

“I think science will continue to save and enrich our lives well into the century, if we’ll just let it,” said Marcy Marybelle-Fairlane, a buxom blonde dentist, with customers backed up around the block.  “It just makes common sense to get STD tested with your date so you know what your dealing with as the evening progresses — it’s a full disclosure kind of thing.  And if you can replace a bad eye with a webcam that can help you see, plus record and playback events on demand, you’ll be all the better for it.  I use the latest technology in my dental practice and it’s made for better and happier patients, and my silicon implants have doubled my breast size and increased my male customer base three-fold.  Is science great or what?!”

Not everyone is comfortable with the notion that science should drive the development of human life.  “I’m okay with an emergency appendectomy and the battle against the common cold, but when people start swapping parts with machines and we have to do pre-date bio-screening I think we’ve gone to far,” said Becky Lee-Wardway, a conservative leaning organic food store manager, and winner of the 2008 alfalfa sprout eating contest.  “I can kind of see health screening before you get married and stuff like that, but I don’t support mechanical eyeballs, silicon breast implants, Viagra, and other non-natural stimulants and body enhancers.  I think marijuana should be legalized because it’s a natural product and if people of any age want to have sex or vote Democrat it should be okay too.  I fully support tactile encounters of sexual and food experimentation but no sex with machines or swapping of human and hydraulic fluids.  We’ll loose control of everything we care about if we let science run our lives.”

The New York Daily News reported that Tanya Vlach, one-eyed San Francisco artist, wants to replace her missing eye with a Web cam – and tech experts say it’s possible. Vlach, who lost her eye in a 2005 car accident, wears a realistic acrylic prosthesis, but she’s issued a challenge to engineers on her blog: build an “eye cam” for her prosthesis that can dilate with changes of light and allow her to blink to control its zoom, focus, and on/off switch. “I’d always given thought to using cameras to restore sight to the blind,” said Dr. William Danz, whose patient, Tanya Vlach, wants the groundbreaking device. “This is a little different, more like James Bond stuff.” The eye cam could allow her to record her entire life or even shoot a reality TV show from her eye’s perspective. Vlach said she will let inspiration strike once she has the device. “There have been all sorts of cyborgs in science fiction for a long time, and I’m sort of a sci-fi geek,” said Vlach, 35. “With the advancement of technology, I thought, ‘Why not?'”

Mobile computing expert Roy Want told the Daily News the technology exists. “It is possible to build a wireless camera with the dimensions of the eyeball,” said Want, a senior principal engineer at Intel. “You can find spy cams or nanny cams designed to fit into inconspicuous places in the home.” Want said the camera, which would be encased in Vlach’s prosthesis to avoid moisture, could link wirelessly to a smart phone. The smart phone could send power to the camera wirelessly and relay the camera’s video feed by cell phone network to another person, a TV studio or a computer. “You’d never need to forget anything again,” Want said. “You’d never lose anything. You could ask it, ‘Where was the last time I saw my keys?'”

MyFox Kansas City reported that a new Overland Park lab is betting its business on a rather unusual new dating model. They say instead of hitting the dance floor, first you need to hit the lab, roll up your sleeve and offer up some blood. MedExpress Labs offers confidential STD testing as well as other health care tests. And, they figure you’d rather know, then not.

“Over 65 million people have a sexually transmitted disease and many do not know it,” stated Elizabeth M. Gallup, MD, JD, MBA and medical director for MedExpress Labs. You can make an appointment confidentially online, or just walk on in. You don’t need a doctor’s order or an appointment and the results are password-protected and sent through a secure web site. All you need to do is give them a blood sample or urine specimen. Results are usually available in 48 hours. MedExpress is telling couples to stop in and get tested before grabbing dinner or going dancing.

Some people say a little paranoia is a good thing.

Unrelated Gratuitous McConaughey Photo

Unrelated Gratuitous McConaughey Photo

“Before I go out with a guy I want a full medical history and analysis, I want a personality profile, an IQ test, his university transcripts and a DNA profile that predicts future disease and likely outcomes,” said Misty Rein-Freely, a anti-bacteria cleanser sales rep, who likes to shower every ten minutes and will only eat irradiated organic soy-based foods.  “Sure it cuts down on my social life and most of the guys who sign up for a date and pass the tests aren’t much to look at.  But I haven’t had a cold in ten years and I enjoy spending time alone.  What’s wrong with that?”

In other news, Associated Press reported last week that experts say paranoia is more common than thought. According to British psychologist Daniel Freeman, nearly one in four Londoners regularly have paranoid thoughts. Freeman is a paranoia expert at the Institute of Psychiatry at King’s College and the author of a book on the subject. Experts say there is a wide spectrum of paranoia, from the dangerous delusions that drive schizophrenics to violence, to the irrational fears many people have daily.

Surveys of several thousands of people in Britain, the United States and elsewhere have found that rates of paranoia are slowly rising, although researchers’ estimates of how many of us have paranoid thoughts varies widely, from 5 percent to 50 percent. Dennis Combs, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Tyler, has been studying paranoia for about a decade. When he first started conducting paranoia studies, mostly in college students, he found that about 5 percent of them had paranoid thoughts. In recent years, that has tripled to about 15 percent, he said. No word on whether the 46% of American voters who wanted McCain elected president over Obama are justifiably paranoid, but we’ll be finding that out in the months ahead.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Comments Off on Your Eyeball as Webcam and New STD Dating Model

Filed under Humor, IP News

Comments are closed.