Nursing Home Sex, Hazing Cheerleaders and Evaporating Genitals

Sex In Nursing-Home’s Becoming More Acceptable
Grand jury indicts 7 cheerleaders on hazing charges
Inmate Gets $300,000 for Evaporating Genitals

Inebriated Press
November 24, 2008

Hazers-R-Us

Hazers-R-Us

Fox News reported last week that baby boomers are bringing 1960’s attitudes about free-love and sex with them, to life in nursing homes, and researchers are trying to find ways to make it work out.  And the Houston Chronicle reported that seven varsity High School cheerleaders have been indicted by a grand jury on charges of illegally hazing junior cheerleaders.  Meanwhile United Press International reported last week, that an inmate in Washington State had his penis consumed by flesh-eating bacteria while he was behind bars. Washington State has agreed to pay him $300,000 in compensation.  Debate over 1960’s sex, 2008 cheerleaders, and cash-traded for sex organs, is steaming things up — like the windows of the Oval Office during Bill Clinton’s administration.

“Holy moly we’re in a wild-wild world, what with the economy in shambles, left-leaning Obamanians taking over government, geriatric’s having crazy sex using walkers, and guys’ dicks dropping off!  Only cheerleaders are acting normal,” said Abby Powers-Hart, a medical technician and part-time steel worker, whose grace and good looks mean more than money — which is a good thing because her 401k went through the floor last week.  “I think the guy in jail found a way to sell his sexual organ for money to the state to offset his stock market losses, that’s what I think.  There are plenty of folks who have lost their ass and gotten nothing for it.  At least that guy got some compensation.  Don’t know what he’ll be doing when he gets to the nursing home though.  No 1960’s style free-love for him.  Hope the money helps.  Poor bastard.”

New Boomer Nursing Home Phenomenon

New Boomer Nursing Home Phenomenon

Not everyone is worried about the trends in finance, nursing homes or genitalia.  “What goes up must come down.  That’s always been true of sex as well as economics and no state-based income redistribution is going to change it,” said Thelma Pat-Butter, a semi-retired balloon sales rep, who constantly fights high cholesterol. “The world keeps spinning for better or worse and dicks keep coming and going while cheerleaders haze and get dates like nobody else.  What’s new about that?  Same old same old.  The only difference is that it all happened again last week and it’s your retirement account that’s empty.  Try to hang on to your genitalia so at least you’ve got a little something to look forward to at the Shady Rest.  No month long cruises on your retirement program.  What say we go haze some cheerleaders or a Democrat?  What the hell, live for today!”

Fox News reported that nursing-home residents have sexual needs too. And now researchers are finding ways to educate staff on the taboo topic and provide accommodations for the elderly to shack up under some privacy. Researchers hope some new federal guidelines will help all nursing homes deal with sexuality in a positive way, especially as baby boomers age and bring their 1950s and 1960s attitudes about sex with them to the facilities. The researchers suggest educating staff about sexuality and making sex in nursing homes less hush-hush.

“Most staff have the same mindset many of us do, which is ‘I don’t want to think about my parents having sex, let alone my grandparents,'” Gayle Doll, who directs Kansas State University’s Center on Aging, said.  “By law, you can’t always lock a room, but you can offer residents some privacy.” The semi-private rooms that are typical in nursing homes pose a problem for residents who want to engage in sexual activity, either alone or with a partner, Doll added.

Go Team!

Go Team!

The Houston Chronicle reported that it was only a tradition — a friendly pre-dawn breakfast hosted by the varsity cheerleaders at Katy’s Morton Ranch High School for the girls of the junior varsity squad. But this year, a grand jury indictment handed up last week alleges, something went horribly wrong. Rather than being driven to an area restaurant, the junior cheerleaders were taken to a private home where, bound and blindfolded, they were pushed into a swimming pool, the indictment charges. Seven members of the varsity squad, aged 17 and 18, were charged as adults with hazing, a Class B misdemeanor that could bring a maximum six-month jail sentence and a $2,000 fine upon conviction. Lawyers for some of the cheerleaders said the indictments were an overreaction and they expect their clients to be cleared.

United Press International reported that Washington State has agreed to pay $300,000 to an ex-prison inmate whose penis was consumed by a flesh-eating bacteria while he was in jail. Charlie Manning told The Seattle Times Monday he will have $115,000 left after paying attorney’s fees arising from his lawsuit and other bills. He expects to get the money this week. Manning, 61, was serving a 13-month sentence for a drunken fight when he became ill. The prison doctor wrongly diagnosed his symptoms as an allergic reaction to medication. It turned out he had necrotizing fasciitis and the bacteria destroyed his penis and one testicle. The Department of Corrections said the suit was settled because going to court would have been more expensive.

One Bad Ass Moma

One Bad Ass Moma

In other news, the New York Post reported that a feisty Harlem woman turned the tables on three subway muggers, chasing down two of the thugs while snatching back her purse – because it had her green card in it, cops said. Marie Conde, 26, was riding a downtown 3 train at 5:30 a.m. Sunday and had briefly dozed off when three punks confronted her and stole her purse as the train pulled into the 72nd Street station.

“I didn’t know what to do, so I just started running after them. I grabbed one of them by the arm,” she said. As she held on for dear life and struggled with the thieves, she yelled over to two people to call cops. As she continued to grab at the muggers, they decided they had enough. One of them begged Conde to let go of his accomplice. The gang gave up and ran away, leaving the purse on the ground.  But cops quickly nabbed John Sabater, 19, and Carlos Gonzalez, 16, both from The Bronx. The original purse-snatcher got away. Conde suffered facial bruises. A law-enforcement source lauded Conde’s spunk. “She is one bad-ass mama,” the source said. No word on whether the two that were captured will have their genitalia eaten away by bacteria in jail, but if we put the word out, it may at least deter some crime, and in this economy we have to look at the bright side of things.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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