Bin Laden Lego’s, Somali Pirates, and Illinois Egg Donors

Company offers Lego-style al-Qaeda terrorist toy figures
Somali pirates hijack another boat
More women are inquiring about becoming paid egg donors

Inebriated Press
December 8, 2008

Al-Qaeda Lego

Al-Qaeda Lego

The U.K. Sun reported last week that a company in Britain is offering a range of Lego-styled fighting figures, including an al-Qaeda terrorist – complete with rocket launcher, assault rifle and grenades.  And the Washington Post reported last week that despite the best efforts of the U.S. 5th Fleet, NATO, Russia, India and others, Somali pirates keep hijacking more boats.  Meanwhile, as the economy slows, the Chicago Tribune reported last week that more young women are inquiring about becoming paid egg donors to raise money.  Free-wheeling free-market economists say the U.S. Government, global banking system and Detroit auto-makers need to get creative like these folks, and solve their own economic problems.

“Instead of asking the U.S. taxpayers to bail out the government and a host of badly managed companies, these slacker-financially-impaired outfits need to learn from toy companies, egg donors and pirates about how to solve their own economic maladies,” said Marybelle Knee-Hi, a short buxom blonde, often seen in executive board rooms doing things of a questionable nature.  “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.  Get some of those creative juices flowing instead of begging for money.  Earn the bucks or take them from somebody by commandeering your competitors’ vessels.  Quit the whining and begging, you panty-wastes.”

Not everyone agrees with Knee-Hi.  “It’s better to ask for help than to stoop to unethical or questionable behavior like stealing, or pandering to terrorist’s children, or trying to hock your body parts or genetic tissue,” said Habeas Corpus-Lite, a short balding declaration, occasionally referred to by people seeking relief.  “I applaud creativity and the free market, but there are times when a helping hand is necessary and may even be better than taking a ship by force.  I don’t think I’m a prude about this, but a little helping hand and some Esprit de corps can go a long way.”

Everybody needs the right accessories!

Everybody needs the right accessories!

The U.K. Sun reported that a range of Lego-style fighting figures — including an al-Qaeda terrorist — is being marketed by the BrickArms company, and has been slammed by religious leaders. The masked follower of 9/11 mastermind Osama Bin Laden comes with a rocket launcher, assault rifle and grenades. Mohammed Shaffiq, of Muslim organisation The Ramadhan Foundation, branded the toy “absolutely disgusting”. He said: “It is glorifying terrorism — the makers should be ashamed. We should be coming together to unite against terrorism, but how is that possible when children are playing with toys like this?”

Osama bin-Lego toy model

Osama bin-Lego toy model

The action figures include a Nazi major, bearing the chilling SS insignia, and a stormtrooper brandishing two grenade launchers. LEGO UK issued a statement saying it is not associated with the toys being sold by BrickArms which have been customised without its knowledge or permission. It continued: “BrickArms is not licensed by LEGO UK to customise LEGO figures and has no links to the LEGO brand.”

The Washington Post reported that Somali pirates hijack another boat — or two or three — every day despite the best efforts of the U.S. 5th Fleet, NATO, Russia, India and others. It may be time for a new strategy. This week, the U.N. Security Council gave Secretary General Ban Ki-moon 90 days to come up with one. The usual nostrums do not look promising. Late last month, for example, the council adopted a British plan for travel and financial sanctions against the pirates’ leading lights. That’s fine, but the pirates seem to have their own means of travel and finance, including million-dollar bounties that fall from the sky in suitcases — and no one seems to know who the leaders are anyway. The concept of a blockade was rejected last month by a NATO spokesman as something not “contemplated” by the Security Council. Now, though, it should be. Trillions of dollars in commercial cargos transit the sea lanes annually; so long as they do, thugs in boats will prey on them.

Eggs-R-Us

Eggs-R-Us

The Chicago Tribune reported that three egg donor agencies in Illinois have joined forces to offer a first-in-the-nation guarantee for would-be parents: If a young woman who agrees to provide eggs to an infertile couple changes her mind, they can select another donor at any of the agencies for a relatively minimal fee. Sometimes young women agree to become a donor and then back out because they get a new job, are accepted in graduate school, fall in love, or simply get cold feet, said Nazca Fontes, president of ConceiveAbilities in Chicago, one of the three participating agencies. The cooperative arrangement, launched last week, comes amid anecdotal reports that more woman are inquiring about becoming paid egg donors in the current economic downturn. Even before the financial crisis, this niche of assisted reproduction was growing rapidly, fueled in part by older couples trying to have children.

Some people say that government handouts and marketing reproductive tissue go together like bacon and eggs.

“Congress is always passing pork-laden bills and giving special cash gifts to towns, companies or other countries, and women have always sold themselves for sex of some kind — that’s why they call it the world’s oldest profession.  This is just a modern twist on the old story,” said Tammy Tiger, a serial stripper and part-time spot-welder at the mid-town Bed, Body and Steel Works. “People are getting over-wrought and nervous and even the gamefully employed are cutting back on buying things; so the down-turn is now feeding on itself.  A handful of badly managed companies are tearing up the nation’s confidence in itself and we’re going to wreck the economy ourselves if this keeps up.  We need to get a grip, use some common sense and settle down.  I’m still going to sell a few of my own eggs just for the cash and probably buy some jewelry or take a cruise in pirate infested waters.  It’s my way of helping out the economy.  The way cloning is going nobody will need a woman’s eggs pretty soon anyway and they’ll be worthless.  Better to get while the getting’s good.”

In other news, the U.K. Telegraph reported last week that Japan is in grip of a blood type obsession. A growing number of Japanese believe that the answer to every problem — from how to snare a prospective lover to the best way to secure a promotion at work — lies in their blood type. From reserved perfectionists Type As and confidently curious Type Os to flamboyant free-thinking Type Bs and high maintenance Type Abs, there are products and services to suit every blood type. Matchmaking services, employment opportunities and beauty products are among a raft of aspects of modern day Japanese life that subscribe to the blood typology theory. No word on which blood type tends to buy terrorist action figures or hijack ships, but perhaps there’s a chapter on the best approach to take when selling your ovarian production.  Or not.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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