Dead Man Walking, Big Boob Wellness, and the Rent-a-Womb Market

> Man fights for one year to prove in court he’s not dead
>Court rules that large breasts are not an illness
> Schoolteacher rents womb to couple

Inebriated Press
December 16, 2008

081216-identity-crisis1The Independent Online reported last week that a Romanian man battled for a year to persuade the courts that he isn’t dead. And The Daily Telegraph reported that a German court has ruled that insurance companies do not need to cover the cost of breast reduction surgery because a large bust isn’t a medical problem.  Meanwhile, The New York Times reported that a substitute schoolteacher from Harleysville, Pennsylvania cut a deal to carry and birth the child of a New York Times writer and her husband.  People are debating how to prove they’re alive, the health of big breasted women, and whether they think renting their uterus can offset the recent market downturn.

081216wombforrent1“I’m pretty sure that I’m still alive although my 401k doesn’t indicate much of a future for me, and my pay-check barely constitutes life let alone a lifestyle,” said Marjorie Pye-Hole, a big busted pastry chief and consumer of tasty treats and purveyor of a few of her own.  “I don’t feel ill although my boobs sometimes get in the pie dough and I’ve burned them accidentally on pizza.  But I’d have to be pretty hard up to rent out my womb to somebody like an oven to bake somebody else’s pie.  I can understand how some gal’s might do it if the money was good, but to me it’s just too hard on the oven to do it for somebody else.  Maybe it’s just me.”

Rented, almost done baking

Rented, almost done baking

Not everyone agrees with Pye-Hole.  “You should rent all the parts of your body as often as possible and leverage your assets while you’ve got them, that’s how I built and rebuilt my retirement account.  And if you have to prove you’re alive before you can get a drivers license, then I guess you do what you have too,” said Stacy Bigg-Hart, an accountant and part-time stripper at the Five and Dime Academy of Natural Sciences and Anatomy.  “I’ve sold most of myself and rented other parts from time to time and if the market would turn around, I could retire in five or six years.  Of course now that Obama is taking over I’ll have to shelter more of my money in off-shore accounts and take more cash instead of checks, but I should probably be doing that anyway.”

The South African Independent Online reported that a Romanian man has won a year-long fight to persuade the courts that he isn’t dead. Gheroghe Stirbu, from Timisoara, tried to renew his identity card but was told by officials that he had been registered as dead. Bungling civil servants had mixed him up with another man and although Stirbu pointed out what they had done they refused to acknowledge their mistake until Stirbu won a 12 month legal claim to be declared alive. “When the judge ruled in my favor I was absolutely delighted – and then seconds later was absolutely shocked when I found out I would have to pay so much in legal bills,” Mr. Stirbu said. “I will of course appeal the imposition of the costs but I am already beginning to wonder whether or not I would have been better off staying dead.”

Looks healthy to me ...

Looks healthy to me ...

Australia’s Daily Telegraph reported that a court in the German state of Hessen has ruled that insurance companies do not need to cover the cost of breast reduction surgery since having a large bust is not a medical problem. The decision means that insurers will only have to pay to correct breasts which are deformed. The case was brought by a 38-year-old woman who suffered orthopedic and physical problems due to the weight of her boobs. She had been advised by doctors to have breast reduction surgery.

Womb renter with baby and rented nurse

Womb renter with baby and rented nurse

The New York Times reported that writer Alex Kuczynski and her husband used a New Jersey lawyer who specializes in gestational-surrogacy cases, to work a deal with Cathy Hilling a substitute schoolteacher from Harleysville, Pa., to carry their egg cell and sperm combination to term and deliver a fully processed baby by May 11, 2008 – Mother’s Day. After half a decade of trying to become pregnant, sometimes succeeding but always failing to carry a baby successfully to term, Kuczynski came to the conclusion that if she wanted to have a child who was genetically related, she would have to find a woman with a more reliable uterus to gestate and deliver the baby. That was in April 2007. Kuczynski was 39 years old. Exhausted by years of infertility, wrung emotionally dry by miscarriage, she and her husband decided they would give gestational surrogacy — hiring a woman to bear their child — one try. It was a desperate measure, and one complicated by questions from all the big sectors: financial, religious, social, moral, legal, political. Today, right or wrong, they have a son.  

Some people say that if you have the money and the will, you can get anything you want.

Obama and Blagojevich not discussing Senate seat

Obama and Blagojevich not discussing Senate seat

“Ethics are only as strong as the money that backs them, and if the money changes sides, then so do the ethics,” said Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, an expert in Chicago-style politics, whose acquisition of the governor’s office was nearly as adept as Barack Obama’s acquisition of the U.S. presidency.  “I’m not saying that ethics are relative and illusory, they’re very real.  They just change to suit the cash flow.  About that they’re very consistent and stable.  Only people who aren’t from around here have a problem understanding this.  That’s why some voters are still confused about how Obama can be friends with America-hater Jeremiah Wright and convicted racketeer Tony Rezko, and still say he loves America so much that he wants to change it.  It’s completely consistent with Chicago-style values.”

The tie that hides ...

The tie that hides ...

In other news, The Sydney Morning Herald reported last week that Jennifer Aniston posed wearing a man’s neck tie – and nothing else – on the January cover of GQ magazine. The 39-year-old actress striped down and showed off her toned body next to the headline: “Is it just us or is Jennifer Aniston getting hotter?” No word on how she feels about boob health or renting her womb, but as far as we can tell she doesn’t have to prove that she’s alive.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Comments Off on Dead Man Walking, Big Boob Wellness, and the Rent-a-Womb Market

Filed under Humor, IP News

Comments are closed.