Nurses Turn to Prostitution While the Homeless Eat Caviar

> Demoralized nurses finding work in brothels
> Poor to eat contraband caviar on Christmas

Inebriated Press
December 24, 2008

081224-nurse1Australia’s News Limited reported Monday that exhausted and demoralized nurses would rather work as prostitutes than in Queensland’s crumbling hospitals.  And the Associated Press reported Saturday that homeless people in Italy will be savoring beluga caviar this Christmas.  Experts say that like hooker-nurses and homeless-caviar-eaters, everyone should reflect on their lives at year-end, and some may want to make changes and boost next years life-style options.

081224-caviar“It’s always good to reflect on how your life is going as the year winds down, and make a few subtle adjustments — like switching from caring for the sick to banging the healthy — in order to make your life safer, and more financially rewarding,” said Jenna Jameson-Hollander, a registered nurse and motivational speaker, currently providing personal services to homeless Italians offering caviar.  “Maybe you want to exercise more and get your body in shape, or perhaps you should stop paying your mortgage and go to Italy and eat caviar with the homeless.  At the end of each year it’s a good time to reflect and make some adjustments like those.”

081224-beyonce1Other life-style experts agree.  “I used to bust my ass as a divisional manager for a large company, administering staff and a budget, trying to hit performance targets, all that stuff,” said Alexander Yardly-Tucumseth, a wiry middle-aged ex-executive, now living on the street and trading caviar for personal services offered by former Australian nurses.  “Today I’m a homeless guy and part-time life-style advisor to Paris Hilton and Beyonce.  They don’t pay much attention to what I say, but what to I care, I’m living a stress-free life.  And next year Obama will start sending me checks.  It’s change I can believe in.”

081224-healthcare-australia-styleNews Limited reported that Queensland nurses are leaving the healthcare system because of workloads, burnout and record levels of frustration, and many have found new jobs working in brothels. “We could no longer work in such an understaffed and stressful environment,” said the mother of two, who wanted to be known only as Jenna. Jenna said violence was more of a concern in hospitals than in the sex industry. “The security (at the brothel) is wonderful. We have buzzers in our room, there are bracelets we can request if you have a client you’re a bit suspicious of.” Jenna said she had gone to great lengths to hide her new occupation from her family. “I wear my nurse’s uniform to work, I carry my hospital ID. But when I get to work I change. There’s a couple of others who do the same,” she said. Health Minister Stephen Robertson said it was disappointing some nurses were seeking alternative careers. He didn’t comment on how hot the Australian nurses look or what his plans are to try and keep them in hospitals.

PEOPLE HILTONThe Associated Press reported that some homeless people in Italy will be savoring beluga caviar this Christmas, thanks to officials who seized 88 pounds (40 kilograms) of the contraband delicacy from smugglers.  The caviar has been given to Italian charities to be served alongside the traditional foods they feed the poor on Christmas – like lentils, pasta and cake – officials said Saturday. The Rev. Massimo Mapelli, who helps run a shelter for the homeless and recovering addicts, said his center will get 10 kilograms (22 pounds) of caviar for 82 diners. That’s about 120 grams (4 1/2 ounces) per person – two to four times the amount chefs traditionally serve to wealthy diners.  Not bad if you like caviar.

081224-oreoIn other news, the Houston Chronicle reported Saturday that a school bus driver accused of brandishing a knife and threatening three sixth-graders with cutting their wrists for leaving cookie crumbs on a seat has been arrested. William Allen, 66, was taken into custody Friday on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Students told their parents that Allen took them out of the bus Wednesday at Mary Orr Intermediate School. They said he threatened to cut their wrists with the knife if they didn’t admit to eating Oreo cookies and leaving crumbs behind, according to police reports.  No word on whether Allen has plans to become a homeless Italian or an Australian hooker-nurse, but you can bet he won’t be driving a bus next year.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:
Fed-up Queensland nurses turning to prostitution
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,24831036-1248,00.html

Italy’s poor to eat contraband caviar on Christmas
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/E/EU_ITALY_POOR_MANS_CAVIAR?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2008-12-20-12-45-27

School bus driver accused of pulling knife on sixth-graders
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/6175135.html

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