Monthly Archives: January 2009

Machines with Human Abilities, Scientists Growing Dolls from Living Cells, and New Catfish Species Can Climb Rocks

> Tests show machines closing in on human abilities
> Scientists Grow Doll Out of Living Cells, Complex Organisms Next
> New Venezuelan Catfish Species Capable of Climbing

Inebriated Press
January 30, 2009

Human or not

Human or not

The New Scientist Magazine reported last week that the Turing test – a simple way to tell if a machine can think –  shows that machines are closing in on human abilities, and can almost pass as one of us.  And Gizmodo reported last week that researchers at the University of Tokyo have created a 5mm tall doll composed of living cells, in an experiment to create 3D living biological structures.  Meanwhile, LiveScience reported last week that a previously unknown species of climbing catfish has been discovered in remote Venezuela, and its strange traits are shaking the evolutionary tree. Some pundits are debating the nature of life and consciousness, while others wonder whether silicon breasts are as good or better than the real ones.

“You are what you are but you can strive to be better if you want, and bigger boobs are always better, whether they’re real, imagined or silicon,” said Tom Headd-Bobb McGee, a weight lifter and part-time investment banker at several Wall Street firms currently in re-org.  “Thinking cyborgs, Japanese-grown dolls and other life forms, even rock climbing fish are nothing compared to the crazy shit we’re going to see before the Obama administration is through.  If I didn’t spend most of my time job hunting and checking out boob sizes I’d be nervous about the future.  As it is, I just keep moving on and expect ‘change that somebody can believe in’ to keep coming at me.  No point being afraid, just be ready to duck when you have to and hope for the best.”

Mmmm silicon ...

Mmmm silicon ...

Not everyone sees it the way Headd-Bobb does.  “As human nature and animal evolution continue to advance into the realm of psycho-spiritual physical-ethereal dimensions and we become like gods and remake ourselves with human, plant, animal and mechanical components, we will reach the point where we will be all things at all times and none of them when we don’t want to be,” said Randi Anne-Browne, a new age philosopher and nymphomaniac, when she’s not flipping tofu burgers at the Green Galley Cafe and Head Bangers Lounge.  “I mean, Barack Obama is closest to being all things and none of them, and often says and does conflicting things at the same time.  He is the leading enlightened being on the planet so far, but he lacks physical cyber alteration that is really necessary for him to became a transcendent species capable of stepping beyond mere human and spiritual planes and into mechanical and Internet space and time.  He’s close though.  Really close.  I can’t even understand the logic he’s using half the time and that proves it.”

New Scientist reported that it may have been dreamt up in 1950, but the Turing test – a simple way to tell if a machine can think – still holds powerful sway over many researchers striving to produce a machine at least in some respects equal with a human. The 2008 winner of the annual Turing test contest won using a brilliantly simple strategy that Turing didn’t even foresee. Elbot (elbot.com) convinced three of 12 humans it was just like them by acting like a human pretending to be a robot. The article said the line between reality and animation is blurring, and while there have been some significant milestones, bigger stuff is ahead.  Robotic systems may soon have to make decisions over life and death.

Brave new world

Brave new world

At a conference last year legal and military experts suggested entrusting a Turing test with an altogether more serious job – determining whether or not military equipment may choose for itself when and where to fire. Debate at the Ethics of Autonomous Military Systems conference centered on whether a robot could yet commit a war crime. Ronald Arkin, of Georgia Institute of Technology, argues that machines will one day be able to make that judgment as well as a human can. One that does will have passed the military Turing test.

The doll that was grown

The doll that was grown

Gizmodo reported that researchers at the University of Tokyo created a 5mm tall doll composed of living cells, in an experiment to create 3D living biological structures. It’s cute and kinda gross at the same time. The experiment is supposed to help improve techniques to create bodily organs and tissues with complex cellular structures, which would be useful for regenerative medicine and drug development. Scientists created the little gingerbread-looking man by cultivating 100,000 0.1mm balls of collagen, each coated with dozens of skin cells and dropping them inside a doll-shaped mold for a day. The doll managed to survive in a culture solution for more than one day. Shoji Takeuchi, a professor at the University of Tokyo’s Institute of Industrial Science, said he’ll be trying to combine multiple types of cells next to create a complex system that could function as a living organism. Translated: “First we’re growing dolls. Next we’re going to grow PEOPLE.” Just kidding. I think.

New age rock climber

New age rock climber

LiveScience reported that a previously unknown species of climbing catfish has been discovered in remote Venezuela, and its strange traits are shaking the evolutionary tree for these fish. The newfound catfish, Lithogenes wahari, shares traits with two different families of fish – Loricariidae (armored catfishes) and Astroblepidae (climbing catfishes). It has bony armor that protects its head and tail, and a grasping pelvic fin that helps it to climb vertical surfaces such as rocks. “We see new fish species all the time, but when you also get new information about the biological history of a group, it’s the most fun,” Scott Schaefer of the American Museum of Natural History in New York said. “The question is whether the grasping pelvis and climbing behavior evolved once or if it was independently acquired in these groups. I don’t think it evolved twice, although there are slight anatomical differences – so the jury is still out.” The paper is published in the journal American Museum Novitates, and the research was supported by the Constantine S. Niarchos Scientific Expedition Fund and the National Science Foundation.

Some people say that Barack Obama isn’t really a new species at all, but is simply old style Chicago politics polished up for a new age.

090130-cybersex1“There’s nothing inherently different in Obama’s style of Chicago power politics, except that he personally breaks less bones while structuring a dominating political machine,” said Heather Rae Clevagemore, a natural blonde dental assistant and political analyst, with curves that don’t stop and an attitude to match.  “Politicians are constantly redefining themselves, repackaging their message, rounding up support by making promises and then paying them off as they go along.  That’s Barack’s deal on Guantanamo, on funding international abortion clinics, opening up the military for openly gay troops, all that stuff.  Both Houses of Congress are Democrat and he’s got a full power majority.  He’s trying to get a few Republicans to go along with him so he can call his pay-back non-partisan, but that’s same-old same-old.  The difference is that he’s got an e-based army, the major media in his pocket, and George Soros money all behind him … plus a fearful public because of the economy, that’ll let him do anything he wants to as long as he keeps saying nice things to them.  He won’t get down and dirty if he can knife people quietly along the way.  It’s Chicago style the Barack 2.0 way.”

Darwins tree

Darwins tree

In other news, New Scientist reported last week that Charles Darwin was wrong about the tree of life. Darwin toyed with the concept of a “tree of life” to explain the evolutionary relationships between different species. It was to prove a fruitful idea: by the time he published On The Origin of Species 22 years later, Darwin’s spindly tree had grown into a mighty oak. For much of the past 150 years, biology has largely concerned itself with filling in the details of the tree. But today the project lies in tatters, torn to pieces by an onslaught of negative evidence. Many biologists now argue that the tree concept is obsolete and needs to be discarded. “We have no evidence at all that the tree of life is a reality,” says Eric Bapteste, an evolutionary biologist at the Pierre and Marie Curie University in Paris, France.

So what happened? In a nutshell, DNA. The discovery of the structure of DNA in 1953 opened up new vistas for evolutionary biology. The problems began in the early 1990s when it became possible to sequence actual bacterial and archaeal genes rather than just RNA. Everybody expected these DNA sequences to confirm the RNA tree, and sometimes they did but, crucially, sometimes they did not. As more and more genes were sequenced, it became clear that the patterns of relatedness could only be explained if bacteria and archaea were routinely swapping genetic material with other species – often across huge taxonomic distances – in a process called horizontal gene transfer (HGT). As it became clear that HGT was a major factor, biologists started to realise the implications for the tree concept. As early as 1993, some were proposing that for bacteria and archaea the tree of life was more like a web. No word on whether Obama 2.0 and his reliance on a web of e-connected backers will evolve into a second term, but Obama and his minions are on the case already, and like the leftist Senator who morphed into a centrist-looking President while continuing to do leftist things, Vegas is already betting he will likely climb the rocks better than a Venezuelan Catfish.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

 

Source articles:

Tests that show machines closing in on human abilities
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn16461-tests-that-show-machines-closing-in-on-human-abilities.html?full=true

Scientists Grow Doll Out of Living Cells, Complex Organisms Next
http://i.gizmodo.com/5137610/scientists-grow-doll-out-of-living-cells-complex-organisms-next

New Catfish Species Climbs Rocks
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090122/sc_livescience/newcatfishspeciesclimbsrocks

Why Darwin was wrong about the tree of life
http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20126921.600-why-darwin-was-wrong-about-the-tree-of-life.html?full=true

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Strippernomics

Not all of the adult industry is asking for a bailout. For some, the downturn is a boom.

Dirk Smillie, 01.21.09, 06:30 PM EST
The Economy Forbes Magazine

090127-strippernomicsHustler publisher Larry Flynt and “Girls Gone Wild” king Joe Francis facetiously asked Washington for a $5 billion stimulus package for the porn industry in early January. “Americans can do without cars,” said Flynt. “They cannot do without sex.”

Or at least a reasonable substitute. Strip clubs and other adult businesses are booming as the rest of the economy craters. Rick’s Cabaret International (nasdaq: RICK – news – people ), a nationwide chain of jiggle joints, reported that for fiscal 2008, revenue is up 87% to $60 million.

Rick’s attracts 70,000 customers a month to its 19 clubs. At its New York spot alone Rick’s posted just over $1 million in revenue in December. “The stimulus package has been very, very good to us,” cracks Allan Priaulx, Rick’s head of investor relations.

Francis Koenig, the goateed, 32-year-old chief executive of AdultVest, the first hedge fund for porn, reported a 50% rise in its returns last year, though he won’t say how much or which ones delivered.

090127-stripper-pole1Koenig’s funds, called Bacchus and Priapus, invest in gentlemen’s clubs and companies that acquire them in the U.S. and Canada. AdultVest purchased strip club chain VCG Holding (nasdaq: VCGH – news – people ) last May and recently bought iPorn.com, a site that hosts online dating and live video.

Amid all this froth, AdultFriendFinder, which owns Penthouse magazine and other adult brands, floated a $400 million IPO in December, though the ticker is not trading yet.

Not that skin trade stocks are on fire. Shares of adult oriented companies like Rick’s and VCG Holdings are lagging. Others, like New Frontier Media (nasdaq: NOOF – news – people ), Playboy Enterprises (nyse: PLA – news – people ) and Private Media Group (nasdaq: PRVT – news – people ) have been in the tank for months as Web porn offered by sites like AdultFriendFinder kill adult DVD sales and slam nails in the coffins of hide-bound adult magazines.

So how to account for the sex boom? Part of it is human psychology. Strip clubs and porn sites are about consumption and discrete gratification–typically the last kinds of behavior people change when their wallet thins. It’s what makes Rick’s a cash-rich company.

090127-poleRick’s also thrives by its ability to re-brand on a dime. The Rick’s club in Philadelphia saw its sales skid recently, prompting the company to re-name it Club Onyx, after another chain of strip clubs it owns aimed at celebrity sport stars and hip hop artists. The location is right: Onyx is within a mile of sports complexes where teams like the 76ers and Eagles play. According to Priaulx, the club has since tripled sales.

In Dallas, just down the street from the future site of the George Bush Library and Institute, Rick’s has converted its latest club into another brand it owns: XTC Café. It is the largest all-nude strip club in the U.S. but does not serve booze. “I think our non-alcohol policy would make a certain former president very comfortable here,” says Priaulx.

forbes.com

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Google Poised to Rule, Obama Poised to Dominate, and Robber’s Cash-Stash-Snatch Cache

> Google pursues agenda in D.C. using Obama connection
> Obama tells Republicans to bury Rush Limbaugh and “get along”
> Robbery defendant hid cash in her vagina

Inebriated Press
January 28, 2009

googleThe Los Angeles Times reported Saturday that after the inauguration took place in Washington D.C. last week, that Google Inc. officially became a political power player. And The New York Post reported that President Obama warned Republicans that they better stop listening to conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh if they “want to get along.”  Meanwhile, West Virginia’s The Inter-Mountain paper reported that Randolph County investigating officer J.A. Burns recovered money from a robbers home, finding $21,060 “stashed in various places around the house,” including $1,690 concealed in Sarah Wallace’s vagina. Pundits are debating the growing power of Google, Obama and a cash-stash in today’s tricky economy.

Xaviera Hollander

Xaviera Hollander

“You can’t underestimate the power of cash in a down economy when it comes to landing deals, buying political power, or just crushing your enemies the way Obama is doing — although the power of a vagina to create wealth, families or just store money shouldn’t be underestimated either,” said Xaviera Hollander, a vaginal economist and former hooker.  “If I’m Google and I bought my way into Obama’s campaign and transition team, now that he’s in power you’re damn right I’m going to cash in.  Think of the power and influence of Obama 2.0 running on Google’s global infrastructure — for both Obama and Google. The combination of high tech media and communications, plus money and political power, is invincible.  You can screw less people and still do whatever you want.  It worked for me when I wrote for Penthouse.”

CIA Chief limbers up

CIA Chief limbers up

Not everyone thinks money, technology and vaginal awareness alone equals power.  “In the end you still have to make things work to be a successful executive or elected official.  Power, money, smooth talk and access to women’s vagina’s will only get you so far,” said Leon Panetta, former Chief of Staff to vagina-lover Bill Clinton, now power-lover Barack Obama’s Director of the CIA.  “Clinton only got off the hook for lying to a grand jury and having sex with interns in the Oval Office because the economy was in good shape.  People didn’t care who he banged or lied to as long as they could pay their bills and stash some money in their 401k’s.  Barack has to be careful with how fast he crushes his enemies like Rush Limbaugh while counting on Senate-leader Harry Reid to pull crafty legislation out of his ass, and House-leader Nancy Pelosi to pull budgetary dollars out of her vagina.  And even with me running the CIA I can only give Barack intel on his enemy’s, I can’t arrange mysterious deaths for all his enemies, some people could catch on and cause trouble.  This isn’t Putin’s Russia or the Clinton White House you know… not yet anyway.”

Obama 2.0 + Google = Orwell's 1984?

Obama 2.0 + Google = Orwell's 1984?

The Los Angeles Times reported that another inauguration took place in Washington this past week — Google Inc. officially became a political power player. In October, Google was only hours from being sued by the Justice Department as a Web-search monopolist. Today, less than three years after it made its first Washington hire, the Internet giant is poised to capitalize on its backing of President Obama and pursue its agenda in the nation’s capital. Google’s executives and employees overwhelmingly supported Obama’s candidacy, contributing more money than all but three companies or universities. Google Chief Executive Eric Schmidt campaigned for Obama and was one of four Googlers on his transition team. He is now likely to get his calls to the White House returned.

“Google is not just a benign corporate entity. It has a variety of special interests,” said Jeff Chester, the executive director of the Center for Digital Democracy, who has sparred with Google over data-privacy issues. “They’re in a great position to push their agenda through with the support of the president and the Democrats in Congress.” Competitors worry about Google’s close relationship with the Obama administration, said Bill Whalen, a research fellow at Stanford University’s Hoover Institution. White House officials did not respond to requests for comment.

090128-barack-powerThe New York Post reported that President Obama warned Republicans on Capitol Hill Friday that they need to quit listening to radio host Rush Limbaugh if they want to get along with Democrats and the new administration.  “You can’t just listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done,” he told top GOP leaders, whom he had invited to the White House to discuss his nearly $1 trillion stimulus package. A White House official confirmed the comment. That wasn’t Obama’s only jab at Republicans Friday. In an exchange with Rep. Eric Cantor (R-Va.) about the proposal, the president shot back: “I won,” according to aides briefed on the meeting. 

The man who would change America

The man who would change America

The National Review reported that Rush Limbaugh responded to Obama’s comments by saying that Obama is attempting to marginalize him and isolate Republicans. Limbaugh said that Obama’s plan would buy votes for the Democrat Party, in the same way FDR’s New Deal established majority power for 50 years of Democrat rule, and it would also simultaneously seriously damage any hope of future tax cuts. He said Obama’s stimulus is aimed at re-establishing “eternal” power for the Democrat Party rather than stimulating the economy because anyone with a brain knows this is not how you stimulate the economy. Limbaugh said that if Obama can make him serve as a distraction, then there is that much less time spent debating the merits of the trillion dollar debacle.  Limbaugh reminded listeners that Obama was a student of Saul Alinsky while he was community organizing in Chicago. He said Rule 13 of Alinksy’s Rules for Radicals is: “Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.”

West Virginia’s The Inter-Mountain paper reported that four defendants allegedly involved in the armed robbery of Mountain Valley Bank in Mill Creek in December will have their cases bound over to a grand jury. During his testimony, Randolph County Deputy J.A. Burns said he was dispatched to a hold-up alarm at Mountain Valley Bank in Mill Creek at 10:32 a.m. on Dec. 30. Burns said he arrived at the scene and began obtaining verbal statements from witnesses. Burns told the court that police officers later received a tip from a resident who had been listening to a scanner and heard that two suspects had been seen running into a house on Conrad Street in Mill Creek.

Cash stash snatch cache

Cash stash snatch cache

Burns said officers located several items at the residence including camouflage clothes, sunglasses, a loaded .32 caliber revolver, a tote bag and $21,060 in cash. He said 50 of the recovered bills were serial numbered “bait money” from the bank. He said the money was found stashed in various places around the house. He said Wallace also had $1,690 concealed in her vagina. During cross examination, Burns was asked if he had performed a cavity search of Wallace. He said no, that she had told him where she hid the money. 

The Chicago Way – An Early Adopter

The Chicago Way – An Early Adopter

In other news, WKMG Orlando reported Saturday that a Boston terrier stopped a rape attempt in Pompano Beach, sheriff’s deputies said. The Broward County Sheriff’s Office said a 46-year-old woman allowed a man inside her apartment Wednesday after he said he was a repairman. Once inside, however, the man attacked her. Her female dog then bit the man on the shoulder, and he fled the apartment, according to the sheriff’s office. No word on whether the man was really looking for vaginal cash or attempting to Google for influence, but the fact is the Boston terrier won. 

And winning is what matters. 

That’s why during the disagreement between Obama and Rep. Eric Cantor (R-Va.) over Obama’s trillion dollar proposal, the president shot back his election reminder: “I won.”  That’s the Chicago way.  Get used to it.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source documents:

Google ready to pursue its agenda in Washington
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-fi-google24-2009jan24,0,5255660.story

PREZ ZINGS GOP FOE IN A $TIMULATING TALK
http://www.nypost.com/seven/01232009/news/politics/prez_zings_gop_foe_in_a_timulating_talk_151572.htm

Robbery suspects’ cases go to grand jury
http://theintermountain.com/page/content.detail/id/514551.html

Xaviera Hollander – From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xaviera_Hollander

Limbaugh Responds to Obama
http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=OTU5MjE3MmQ0NWU1Zjc1YzYyMDE1NzNmZmM2MzYxMmI

Sheriff: Dog Stopped Rape Attempt
http://www.clickorlando.com/news/18555514/detail.html

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Joe Biden – making jokes, irritating Obama

By Jimmy Orr | 01.22.09
Christian Science Monitor

The O-Biden Team

The O-Biden Team

Joe Biden’s back in the news! And it’s just like the campaign!

This time he poked fun at Supreme Court Justice John Roberts’s flubbing of the oath of office and President Obama didn’t get the joke.

President Obama and Vice President Biden were up in room 450 of the Eisenhower Executive Office Building to welcome in new staff and to have White House senior staff take their oaths of office.

The vice president is the one who administers this oath and appeared to forget about it (video below).

“Joe, you want to administer the oath?,” he prodded his number two.

“Am I doing this again? Oh! For the senior staff,” he suddenly remembered.

“My memory’s not as good as Justice Roberts’ … Chief Justice Roberts,” referencing the Chief Justice’s failed attempt to administer the presidential oath of office by heart.

Attendees groaned and a smattering of laughter was heard. But President Obama was stone-faced. Some described his reaction as grim.

Some eagle-eye observers saw even more.

“What wasn’t noticed so widely was that instantly Obama’s right hand went out and gave Biden’s elbow a warning squeeze. This isn’t Delaware, Dorothy,” wrote the LA Times’s Andy Malcolm.

csmonitor.com

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$3,350 buys Barry’s Berry, $3.8 million buys a Virgin, $1,800 buys Bill Clinton’s TV package

> Obama ‘to get spy-proof smartphone’
> Woman auctions off her virginity
> Taxpayers foot Bill Clinton’s TV bill

Inebriated Press
January 26, 2009

Barry with Berry

Barry with Berry

CNN reported last week that President Barack “Barry” Obama is replacing his Blackberry with a spy-proof $3,350 smartphone by General Dynamics dubbed the “BarackBerry.”  And CNN reported that in a private online auction run by a Nevada brothel, the price of taking Natalie Dylan’s virginity is currently trading at $3.8 million.  Meanwhile, KHQ-Spokane reported that U.S. taxpayer’s fork over $1,800 a year to pay for former President Bill Clinton’s office satellite TV “entertainment package.”  Pundits are debating the trend in cost-return ratios during the current economic downturn while trying to sell themselves to each other for big money or political favors.

One Virgin

For Sale: One Virgin

“Everything can be had for a price, sometimes it’s in an auction, sometimes its billable hours and occasionally it’s a few bucks tucked in a g-string,” said former President Bill Clinton as he sat smelling a cigar and flipping between C-SPAN and the Playboy Channel.  “If Barry wants a cell phone that keeps him connected to George Soros all the time, I’ve got no problem with that, what’s a couple thou one-time fee and a few thou a month connectivity, hell he’s president and needs to communicate with his handler.  But that guy offering over $3 million for some broads virginity is nuts, all he’s doing is playing with a concept — must have money to burn or can’t seduce an intern — crazy bastard.  I’m sure proud of Hillary snagging the Secretary of State gig from Barry for bowing out of the campaign without stirring shit.  Like I said, everything can be had for a price.”

Not everyone thinks everything is for sale.  “You can’t buy happiness — that’s an old line but it’s true — and you can’t put a price on good health or freedom either, and you’d be an idiot or a liberal if you’re willing to trade either for political power,” said Cindy Lou-Who, from Whoville, where she trafficks in nylon, leather and asbestos, for reasons undefined.  “Some say that the best things in life are free and they’re right.  Friends, personal freedom, the love of a mother, the warm sun on a cool spring day, and the explosive death of someone you hate.  These things mean more than money.  At least they do to me and Bill Ayers.”

Sectera Edge

Sectera Edge

CNN reported that self-confessed BlackBerry addict Barack Obama may not have to kick the thumbing habit after all, despite the concerns of a notoriously technophobic White House. E-mail has long been treated with suspicion by the Secret Service because of fears it could be hacked into by foreign espionage agencies. There are also concerns that mobile devices such as BlackBerries, which contain built in GPS technology, could be hacked into, revealing the president’s location within a few feet. But according to reports last week, Obama could now be in line to receive a spy-proof alternative to his favorite toy. Writing on his blog for the Atlantic magazine, Marc Ambinder reports that the National Security Agency has approved a $3,350 smartphone — inevitably dubbed the “BarackBerry” — for Obama’s use. The exclusive Sectera Edge, made by General Dynamics, is reportedly capable of encrypting top secret voice conversations and handling classified documents.

Does she take Paypal?

Does she take Paypal?

CNN reported that Natalie Dylan, a 22-year-old from San Diego, California, said she has been offered $3.8 million for her virginity through a private online auction. Her auction through the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, a legal brothel in Nevada, has given her lots of “business opportunities,” she said. Her top bid comes from a 39-year-old Australian, but she has no immediate plans to settle the auction, she said in a recent interview with CNN. As to why men would bid so much money on virginity, she said she has no answer.  According to Laura Carpenter, assistant professor of sociology at Vanderbilt University in Tennessee, about 95 percent of Americans have sex before they’re 25. She says that worldwide, virgin prostitutes can claim large fees because certain cultures attach large dowries to virgin brides, and some women even undergo reconstructive surgery to restore their hymens.

“In a world that is teeming with brand messages, with sponsorships everywhere, intimacy is really just the next thing to go,” said Jon Ray, a 24-year-old marketing consultant in Austin, Texas.  But Audacia Ray, a 28-year-old former sex worker from New York and author of “Naked on the Internet: Hookups, Downloads and Cashing In on Internet Sexploration,” is skeptical. She views Dylan’s auction as a publicity stunt and doesn’t anticipate she’ll “continue in the industry.”

Wanna go back to my office and watch some TV?

Wanna go back to my office and watch some TV?

KHQ-Spokane reported that among the amenities American taxpayers fund to support former presidents, is rent for their office space – President Clinton’s rent in Harlem is $516,000 a year, his phone bill from the records KHQ received from 2006 cost taxpayers $104,000. We also pay for the satellite TV in his office, complete with eight separate receivers and all the movie channels that come with the “entertainment package”. Your cost? $1,800 per year. Congress regulates and approves this money for former presidents, all of which have a net worth in millions and tens of millions. In retirement, President Bill Clinton’s speaking fees earned him more than $40 million in addition to the $12 million his book deals have put in his pocket since he left office. With the budget getting bigger and bailouts in the billions, retirement has never looked scarier for many Americans, unless you can go “presidential”.

Some people say that once you win the presidency, you no longer have to live by “normal” rules.

$3.8 million

One turn: $3.8 million

“People get confused about the idea that when a president retires he returns to being a ‘regular citizen’ and starts working on memoires, cleaning sink drains and taking out the trash,” said Sandi Softt-Sqweez, a Hooters waitress and part-time nuclear phycist at the Glow-In-The-Dark Plutonium Lounge and Leather Emporium. “Basically they do whatever the hell they want and you pay for it.  I was serving chicken wings to Bill Clinton one time and he bummed a $5 bill off a secret service agent to tuck in my pants and then asked the guy if he had any condoms just in case.  Crazy bastard thought he was in some sex club VIP lounge or something.  He’s always in a VIP lounge in his head.  I guess he’s always kind of created his own reality.  Or some bullshit like that.”

Exxon CEO Tillerson

Exxon CEO Tillerson

In other news, CBS-TV 11 Dallas reported last week that ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson said gasoline prices are “too low.” Tillerson made his comment while making a charitable donation in Dallas last Wednesday. At the event, CBS 11 News photojournalist Vince Bosquez asked Tillerson to talk about gas prices. Tillerson replied, “You mean (that) they’re too low?”  Tillerson then laughed at his own comment. ExxonMobil is the most profitable company in the U.S, earning $40 billion in profit in 2007. The company earned nearly $15 billion in the third quarter of 2008. Exxon’s government filings say the company paid Tillerson just over $5 million in 2007.  As of December 10, 2008, he owned 1.1 million shares of ExxonMobil stock. At today’s price of about $77 per share, that’s roughly $86 million worth. No word on how taxpayers’ who bought over-priced ExxonMobil gas feel about that, or whether Tillerson plans to bid on Natalie Dylan’s virginity — but thanks to the hard-working gas-buying public, he could probably buy her ass if he felt like it.     

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Obama ‘to get spy-proof smartphone’
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/01/22/obama.blackberry/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

What is virginity worth today?
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/01/22/virginity.value/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

Wallet feeling light? The cost of supporting a president
http://www.khq.com/Global/story.asp?S=9711747

Exxon CEO Jokes Gas Prices Are “Too Low”
http://cbs11tv.com/business/gas.prices.exxon.2.914067.html

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Rich Guys Give More Orgasms, Playboy Bunny Cheats on Hugh, Researchers Study Blondes

> Scientists say wealthy men give women more orgasms
> Former Playmate admits cheating on Hugh Hefner
> Academic conference discusses blondes and sexual desire

Inebriated Press
January 23, 2009

Kendra 'Money Doesn't Equal Orgasm' Wilkinson

Kendra 'Money Doesn't Equal Orgasm' Wilkinson

The UK Times Online reported this week that a new study by Newcastle University scientists says that women’s orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner.  And New Zealand’s Stuff.com reported that former Playboy bunny Kendra Wilkinson cheated on ex-boyfriend Hugh Hefner because the magazine founder couldn’t satisfy her.  Meanwhile, United Press International reported that researchers at the Sorbonne in Paris said an upcoming conference at the school will be focused on the link between blond hair and sexual desire.  Pundits are debating money, sex and hair color the way Bill Clinton does whenever Hillary is out of town — and with her new job as Obama’s Secretary of State — that’s even more often than it used to be. 

“I’ve done blondes and brunettes with cigars and half dollars by the gross back in my Oval Office days, and you can always get what you want with enough power whether you’ve got the bucks or not,” said someone claiming to be Bill Clinton, speaking through an interpreter at the Horny Mole Book, Beer and Strip Club for Intellectuals and Unclaimed Husbands.  “You can study this stuff all you want but it’s a waste of time to those of us who’d rather just do it.  That’s how I got the Playboy chick to sneak out on Hef for me.  I don’t know if I gave out any more orgasms than I did political pardons, but I got what I wanted and that’s what matters.”

Spitzer with Wife not Hooker

Spitzer with Wife not Hooker

Some people say money and sex makes the world go ’round regardless the color of your hair or political power.  “The development of civilization as we know it was built on sex and money.  It goes back to the world’s oldest profession — hooking, and to the second oldest — politics,” said former New York Governor Spitzer, contemplating lost youth, sex and power, but not necessarily in that order.  “From the day that Adam noticed Eve was naked to the day Judah gave a goat to his daughter-in-law in exchange for sex, thinking she was a hooker.  Throughout history, sex and money, or goats, have been in the offing and it’s the foundation of the world and society.  It’s all there in the Biblical book of Genesis and believe me I don’t quote it as much as I used to.”

Bill & Malinda Gates, Money & Mojo?

Bill & Malinda Gates, Money & Mojo?

Times Online reported that scientists have found that the pleasure women get from making love is directly linked to the size of their partner’s bank balance. They found that the wealthier a man is, the more frequently his partner has orgasms. “Women’s orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner,” said Dr Thomas Pollet, the Newcastle University psychologist behind the research. He believes the phenomenon is an “evolutionary adaptation” that is hard-wired into women, driving them to select men on the basis of their perceived quality. The study is certain to prove controversial, suggesting that women are inherently programmed to be gold-diggers. However, it fits into a wider body of research known as evolutionary psychology which suggests that both men and women are genetically predisposed to ruthlessly exploit each other to achieve the best chances of survival for their genes. Pollet, and Professor Daniel Nettle, his co-author, believe that the female orgasm is an evolutionary adaptation that drives women to choose and retain high-quality partners. 

Kendra on the lam

Kendra on the lam

Stuff.com reported that former Playboy bunny Kendra Wilkinson cheated on ex-boyfriend Hugh Hefner because the iconic men’s magazine founder couldn’t satisfy her. The 23-year-old star – who recently moved out of the Playboy Mansion after splitting from the 82-year-old lothario – admits she used to “sneak” out of the famous party house to get the satisfaction Hugh couldn’t provide. She said: “I had to have sex every now and then, so I had to kind of sneak it. I had to have sex so I could feel my age, like a healthy human being.” The star said she found living in the mansion stifling, as she had little freedom. “Now I’m totally against his way of life,” she said. “With three girlfriends and all of that.”

UPI reported that researchers at the Sorbonne in Paris said an upcoming conference at the school will be focused on the link between blond hair and sexual desire. The Jan. 16-17 conference, titled “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” after the Howard Hawks-directed film starring Marilyn Monroe, will involve experts in literature, art, music and film discussing possible answers to questions including: “Why does the blonde exert such fascination and awaken so many fantasies?”

Kendra tried sports to take her mind off sex

Kendra tried sports to take her mind off sex

“Blondness awakens desire, probably because of the ambivalence it carries, from innocence to perversion,” said Marie-Camille Bouchindomme, an organizer of the conference. “Blond hair is an attribute of Venus, the goddess of carnal love, whose hair is sometimes the final rampart against her modesty.” Bouchindomme said discussions will be held to discuss the portrayals of blond women in paintings, books and the films of directors including Alfred Hitchcock, David Lynch and Brian De Palma.

In other news, Britney Spears has been working out like crazy and whipped her body into shape as she prepares for her tour “The Circus Starring Britney Spears.”  No word on the orgasmic frequency of rich singers on tour, but Brit’s blonde and in shape so she’s probably going to drive some guys crazy again.  Or something like that.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Source documents:

Brit's bod is back

Brit's bod is back

Wealthy men give women more orgasms
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article5537017.ece

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%203:7-8;&version=31;

When Judah saw her, he thought she was a prostitute
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2038:13-17;&version=31;

Playboy bunny admits cheating on Hugh
http://www.stuff.co.nz/4820586a1860.html

Academic conference discusses blondes
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/01/14/Academic_conference_discusses_blondes/UPI-57071231966649/

Your First Look at Britney’s Tour
http://www.britneyspears.com/2009/01/exclusive-tour-rehearsal-pics.php?bfm_index=0&bfm_page=0

Comments Off on Rich Guys Give More Orgasms, Playboy Bunny Cheats on Hugh, Researchers Study Blondes

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Women Can Smell a Man’s Sexual Intentions

By Melinda Wenner
Fox News
January 13, 2009

It’s not hard to tell when a guy is “happy to see you.”

The twinkle in his eye, his swagger, that sexy smile — all are clear signs he’s in the mood.

And, at least subconsciously, a woman can also tell by the scent of his sweat, according to new research.

Scientists have long debated whether humans, like animals, use chemical signals called pheromones to communicate sexual interest to potential mates.

Problem is, the effects of pheromones are thought to be subconscious — meaning that if we do communicate using them, we sure don’t know it.

It’s also hard to know what these pheromones might be and how we sense them, so researchers understand little about them.

But if human pheromones are going to be anywhere, they’re going to be in sweat, right?

Denise Chen, a psychologist at Rice University in Houston, and her colleagues devised an experiment to compare how women respond to different forms of male sweat — sweat produced in everyday situations versus that produced when a man is turned on.

The researchers speculated that if humans do produce and respond to sweat pheromones, then a woman should respond to a guy’s sexual sweat differently than she does to his normal sweat.

Chen and her colleagues asked 20 heterosexual guys to stop wearing deodorant and scented products for a few days.

Then they told the men to put small pads in their armpits as they watched pornographic videos and became aroused. (The researchers confirmed, using electrodes, that the images did the job.)

Later, the guys were asked to exchange those pads for fresh pads to collect the sweat they produced when they weren’t aroused.

Then the researchers recruited 19 brave women to smell the men’s pads while undergoing brain scans.

The investigators used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), a technique that reveals the brain regions a person is using at any given time — even if their brain activity is subconscious.

Sure enough, the women’s brains responded very differently depending on which sweat they sniffed. (And no, none of them passed out.)

The sexual sweat, but not the normal sweat, activated the right orbitofrontal cortex and the right fusiform cortex, brain areas that help us recognize emotions and perceive things, respectively.

Both regions are in the right hemisphere, which is generally involved in smell, social response, and emotion.

The findings bolster the idea that humans do communicate via subconscious chemical signals, notes Chen in her study, which was published in the Dec. 31 issue of the Journal of Neuroscience.

Our sexual intentions, in other words, may be a lot clearer than we ever intended them to be.

That crush you have on your co-worker? She may already know — at least subconsciously.

Source:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,479819,00.html

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