Monthly Archives: February 2009

Atlantis Claimed to Be Found Using Google Earth, Google Says Otherwise

Take this one with a grain of salt, but researchers claim to have found Atlantis off the coast of Africa

Jason Mick
DailyTech
February 23, 2009

Evidence of Atlantis under the sea

Evidence of Atlantis under the sea

Last week Google Earth, which has recently turned its mapping efforts to imaging the ocean floor, created quite a stir, when someone noticed an unusual image on the ocean floor off the coast of Africa.  The blurry image shows a rectangle the size of a small state made up of seemingly perfect straight lines.  More lines crisscross the inside of the rectangle like streets.

The site, located in the Madeira Abyssal Plane, is being hailed by some as being possibly the fabled city of Atlantis.  It was first discovered by a British aeronautical engineer Bernie Bamford.  He states, “It looks like an aerial map of Milton Keynes. It must be man-made.”

090226_atlantis_location_b_wGoogle states that the lines are sonar lines based on its imaging techniques, though it could not explain why they stopped or started or featured gaps.  Stated a spokesperson, “Bathymetric (or sea floor terrain) data is often collected from boats using sonar to take measurements of the sea floor.  The lines reflect the path of the boat as it gathers the data. The fact that there are blank spots between each of these lines is a sign of how little we really know about the world’s oceans.”

Based on Google’s explanation, a possible alternative is that there are deep trenches in the area, which prevented the sonar from escaping.

Atlantis

Atlantis

However, some oceanographers, geophysicists, and other researchers aren’t accepting Google’s explanation and insist the image might be the long lost city of Atlantis, a staple of Greek mythology.  They point out that the location in Google Earth closely echoes where Greek philosopher Plato claimed Atlantis to be located.  Plato had said that Atlantis was 620 miles of Africa’s coast, past the Canary Islands.  He wrote that the land was home to advanced civilization before earthquake and floods sunk it into the sea around 9,700BC — nearly 12,000 years ago.

Why Google wants Atlantis for themselves -- the underwater babes

Why Google wants Atlantis for themselves -- the underwater babes

Dr Charles Orser, curator of historical archaeology at New York State University says that the discovery is “fascinating”.  He states, “The site is one of the most prominent places for the proposed location of Atlantis, as described by Plato. Even if it turns out to be geographical, this definitely deserves a closer look.”

Given the enthusiasm it seems likely that some will investigate the site further.  However, for now the so-called discovery still seems a questionable one at best.  It does, however, provide Google’s ocean mapping efforts with some nice publicity.

dailytech.com

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$125,000 missile sits in woman’s basement

KMOV St. Louis, Missouri
February 19, 2009

ST. LOUIS (KMOV)– A Missouri Air National Guard missile is caught in the middle of a divorce case.

A St. Louis woman wants the air guard to pick up a missile that’s sitting next to her furnace.

Kim Samuel said her husband wanted to hang it above their bar.

090223-missile-bw2That never happened and now their getting a divorce and she wants it out of her basement.

She’s not worried about it blowing up because it’s not live.

But she’s worried about having government property sitting downstairs.

She showed News 4 an email between her and the guard.

They wrote that they do need to get this missile back because it’s an air force asset.

News 4 spoke with a representative with the Air National Guard.

We’re told this was a missile used for training purposes and it is not a threat to anyone. 

But it is air force property and they want it back.

Samuel is hoping the guard will pick the missile up next week and she wants News 4 to be there when they do.

kmov.com

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Financially stressed? Sell bodily fluids, have your hamster generate electricity

> Weak economy boosts sales of human blood and semen
> Scientists fit hamsters with nanogenerators that produce energy

Inebriated Press
February 23, 2009

090223_blood_gas-b-wABC News reported Saturday that since the economy began to crater, Americans have been selling blood, semen, ovaries and hair to generate extra income.  And the Telegraph reported Friday that scientists have managed to harness energy-producing power from hamsters by fitting them with tiny devices that capture biomechanical energy from their bodies when they run on exercise wheels.  Some people say bodily fluids and rodents are the key to a better, brighter future … that and a little income redistribution.

“You can’t underestimate the power and importance of precious bodily fluids or hamsters when it comes time to generating stimulus cash, procreating or changing America,” said General Jack D. Ripper, a berserk character from the movie Dr. Strangelove, currently a key military and hope-and-change advisor to the Obama administration.  “Removing the life-blood, savings and equity from hard working industrious citizens and companies and giving it to people who can’t afford their sub-prime mortgages and companies who have mis-managed businesses is the best way to create a ‘fair’ society where there are no haves and have-nots, and there’s a level playing field.  Some hard working people have had greater success than slackers and drop-outs, and we have to keep moving ahead with the transfer of assets from ‘Joe the Plumber types’ to those failures.  I’m not sure about using hamsters for electricity unless PETA says its okay, but it might be alright as long as successful businesses pay for hamster distribution to needy Democrats who want them.”

For sale

For sale

Not everyone agrees with Ripper.  “If you can sell your body or parts of it for money, and generate electricity from your pets, do it.  Harnessing nature by using animal power is a historical and time-proven process, and trading your body and its parts for cash is a normal extension of the world’s oldest profession — prostitution.  Actually it’s a lot like plain-old working-for-somebody-else for a living.  Most of us are trading our lives or parts of it to others in order to earn money.  These are market driven and aren’t about social engineering at all unless you choose to make it so,” said Mary Belle Hothipps, an industrial engineer and part-time stripper at the Golden Corral Bonanza.  “To socialists everything is about ‘leveling the playing field’ to the extent that they lower the successful and capable into the same tier as the lazy or incapable.  The stimulus bill just passed by the Democrats will take years worth of earnings from the capable and give it to the incapable, and borrow from the futures of those able to generate success.  The result is a bringing down of the best and brightest while creating an artificial lifestyle for those who haven’t earned it.  This is a step backwards from true progress and represents a devolving of American society.  It’s kind of a shame really, because the Europeans who practice this approach are only able to do it because American ethics and military power is keeping them safe from tyrants.  Once the U.S. has destroyed its own economy and weakened its ethical resolve and military, who will be there to protect America?  The Canadians?  I wish.”

Modern day trader

Modern day trader

ABC News reported that desperate times call for desperate measures. Since the economy began to crater, Americans have looked inward to their very bodily fluids for a boost, selling blood, semen, even their ovaries and hair for a few extra dollars. Companies that buy and sell blood have spotted an uptick in blood donations and created marketing campaigns that encourage people to give blood in exchange for help beyond just some extra cash. Over the, summer when gas prices hit a record high, a blood bank in Las Cruces, N.M., hung a banner outside the office that advertised its offer rather plainly: “Donate plasma for gas money.”  Donations of hair and sperm are also on the rise. But while a sperm offering can return up to $200 and a yard of hair up to $2,000, they pay relatively poorly compared to young women who donate their ovaries for money — an exchange that can pay up to $10,000 or more. Though specific statistics for recent years are not yet available, fertility experts across the country have anecdotally reported an increase in egg donor applications.   

Renewable energy

Renewable energy

The Telegraph reported that Dr Zhong Lin Wang of Georgia University’s Nano Research Group developed flexible jackets that when strapped to hamsters running on an exercise wheel captures biomechanical energy released as they run.  The jackets, which are fitted with wires plugged into a nanogenerator, produce energy when they are bent and stretched. In tests one hamster named Campbell’s Dwarf produced small amounts of AC power – around one twentieth of the output of an AA battery. Although it would take 1,000 hamsters to generate enough energy to power a mobile phone, Dr Wang said the technology could have practical applications when applied to larger animals and humans. “We believe that this is the first demonstration of a live animal producing current with nano-generators,” Dr Wang said. The Doctor added that the technology could be ready to be fitted into clothes within five years. It would capture energy produced not only when humans are active, but also from smaller movements such as when people are sat at computers.

Some people say that when this new technology is combined with the billions of dollars in the Obama stimulus package earmarked for Senate majority leader and Nevada Senator Harry Reid’s high-speed train, it’s going to pay off big-time.

New stimulus workers

New stimulus workers

“When the Obama-Reid high speed train is running between Los Angeles and Las Vegas it will be hauling L.A. residents to the worlds biggest bodily fluid collection-place and energy generating system that’ll rival the Hoover dam in power and fluid management.  And this economy will turn around on a dime,” said someone claiming to be Howard Hughes, an inventor, genius and recluse often considered dead, but only because he’s had a funeral.  “Once the legal brothels of Nevada use hookers to collect bodily fluids while wearing wires plugged into nanogenerators so that their movements create electricity, we’ll have a one-stop shop where paying customers will be generating electricity and providing bodily fluids for sale all while having a good time.  You can’t beat a system that can power cities and collect fluids for science while creating new jobs and providing a sexual service for people who want it.  Some individuals are confused about how a few billion dollars to put in high speed rail from L.A. to Las Vegas can be simulative to the economy, but those folks underestimate the powerful combination of sex and science.  We’re talking about new wealth and job creation plus renewable energy without greenhouse gases.  This is a perfect example of the Obama stimulus plan.  People get screwed and money is spread around.  What’s confusing about that?”

In other news, the Scottish Sun reported Friday that tooth decay is now the third most common reason children are admitted to UK hospitals, according to officials.  Nearly 37,000 kids a year are hospitalized with bad cavities — topped only by those with chest infections and premature tots. Tories blamed a lack of NHS dentists, saying many went private when new Government contracts were launched in 2006. Minister Mike Penning said: “Labour’s decade in charge has resulted in a significant deterioration in dental health.” Dr Nick Goodwin of The King’s Fund health think-tank added: “Dentists are leaving the NHS in droves.”  No word on how soon Obama will have this type of quality national health care operating in the U.S. but once the high speed train is done and the Census Bureau has been transferred to White House political control, we can expect the progress to keep speeding up.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

In the Red! Give Blood, Get Career Advice
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/Economy/Story?id=6924271&page=4

Hamsters in jackets harnessed for energy
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/scienceandtechnology/science/4731679/Hamsters-in-jackets-harnessed-for-energy.html

Tooth-rot children fill up our hospitals
http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/article2256492.ece

New scrutiny for stimulus
… an allocation for high-speed trains went from $300 million in the House version to $2.25 billion in the Senate version to $8 billion in the midnight conference version — with no explanation. Suspicion lingers that a large part of the funds will pay for a Disneyland-to-Las Vegas high-speed train venture supported by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev.
http://www.charleston.net/news/2009/feb/17/new_scrutiny_stimulus71922/

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Filed under Humor, IP News

New Drug Control’s Love and Hate; Hamas Converts Medical Supplies into Bombs; and Muslim Peace-nik Beheads Wife

Inebriated Press
February 20, 2009

The Love Drug do'in it's thang

The Love Drug do'in it's thang

Tufts Daily, a university newspaper, reported last week that a new drug that can make people fall in and out of love is in the early stages of testing, and may create and control romantic emotions. And United Press International reported last week that members of the militant group Hamas used medicine bottles delivered to the Gaza Strip to make grenades.  Meanwhile, Muzzammil Hassan, founder of Bridges TV — designed to portray Muslims in a more positive light — was charged last week by police with murder for beheading his wife. Pundits are debating whether some things are really different than they seem, but remain confident that the trillion dollar bill that Obama signed into U.S. law is really a stimulus package and not the foundation for restructuring the U.S. into a socialist nation.

Someone named Suzie

Someone named Suzie

“Just because only 3 percent of spending in the Obama Plan takes place in 2009 and all the rest occurs in later years and the federal government will grow 30 percent in size, doesn’t mean that Obama really intends to change America even though he’s said that’s his plan all along,” said Susi Q-Tipp, a part-time welder and stripper at the Happy Hooker Lounge and Machine Works.  “And the provisions creating a healthcare czar, funding a nation-wide computer system to collect and track every citizens health records, and establish a panel to review all health related doctors decisions and rank them, doesn’t mean he has any intention of creating a national healthcare system.  Besides, once the love drug is available and in our water supply we’ll love everything he does.  And what’s wrong with converting some medical supplies donated to Hamas into bombs, or beheading a spouse if that’s part of your culture.  Easy come, easy go, I say. Live and let die.”

090220-obamaacorn-b-w1Not everyone agrees with Q-Tipp.  “I suppose a drug could be created that makes me fall in-to and out-of love based on how much I take and when, but I still can’t shake the notion that Obama’s plan to change America is exactly what he intends to do, since he’s said that’s his plan and continues to say so,” said Tom Thumb-Naill, an accountant and nay-sayer who spends an inordinate amount of free time managing financial risk and accumulating condoms ‘just in case’. “Terrorists convert medical supplies into bombs and a Muslim beheads his wife after creating a TV station to help sell Westerners the idea that Islam is a peaceful religion.  What a big surprise.  Experts say Obama’s plan will not stimulate the economy and that it will have to work itself out on its own, while Obama’s plan will jack up the federal governments’ size and cost, while creating new funding for ACORN and other leftist pet initiatives.  That’s supposed to be a surprise too?  He is who he told Joe the Plumber he is: an income redistributionist; and he’s using the Plan to slide around income while opening up new interpretations via his Executive Orders, and shifting the U.S. Census Bureau to the White House so it can restructure the vote for 2012.  A Socialist restructuring a country to get what he wants into perpetuity is surprising to you?  Ha. Same old same old.”

090220-romance1-b-wThe Tufts Daily reported that a new drug that can make people fall in and out of love is in the early stages of testing, and its development may be a one-way ticket to controlling romantic emotion. The idea for this drug — and prospective vaccine — is based on the research of neuroscientist Dr. Larry Young. Young worked with animals called prairie voles, which are among the small minority of mammals — less than five percent — who share humans’ propensity for monogamy. When a female prairie vole’s brain is artificially infused with oxytocin, a hormone that produces neural rewards comparable to those created by substances such as nicotine and cocaine, she will quickly become attached to the nearest male. A related hormone, vasopressin, creates urges for bonding and nesting in male voles.

The research also revealed that male voles with a genetically limited vasopressin response were less likely to find mates. Young’s corresponding research found that men with a similar genetic tendency were less likely to commit. Theoretically, if used to its fullest potential, the new drug could effectively harness these chemicals and be used to make people experience emotions of love. Conversely, it could also be used to prevent people from feeling such sentiments simply by receiving an injection of the substance. Even if Young were able to construct a drug that worked perfectly for humans, there are a number of ethical questions that come into play when dealing with an emotion as fragile and peculiar as love.

090220_peaceful_muslims_behead-b-wUPI reported that members of the militant group Hamas used medicine bottles delivered to the Gaza Strip to make grenades, an Israeli Defense Ministry official said. The official said Hamas created the explosive devices to use them against Israeli forces, The Jerusalem Post reported Friday. The bottles were sent by Israel for humanitarian aid, the official said.

“This is another example of Hamas’s cynical use of humanitarian supplies to attack Israel,” the official said. “Israel facilitates the transfer of the supplies to the Gaza Strip, and Hamas uses the supplies to create weapons.” Israeli forces located several of the undetonated homemade grenades in northern Gaza while taking part in military action against Hamas last month.

Muzzammil and AAsiya when she still had her head

Muzzammil and AAsiya when she still had her head

The Buffalo News reported last week that Orchard Park police are investigating a particularly gruesome killing, the beheading of a woman, after her husband — an influential member of the local Muslim community — reported her death to police last Thursday. Muzzammil Hassan, founder of Bridges TV, is charged with murder in the beheading of his wife, Aasiya Hassan. Hassan is CEO of Bridges TV, which he launched in 2004, amid hopes that it would help portray Muslims in a more positive light. The killing apparently occurred some time late last Thursday afternoon. Authorities say Aasiya Hassan recently had filed for divorce from her husband.

Some people say that the West needs to be more tolerant of other cultures and their beliefs.

090220-radicalislam-b-w“It is common for people in Muslim countries to saw the heads off of people they disagree with, and even family members who have shamed them; this is good and proper behavior for a people who should be dominating the world,” said Ima Kikyourazz-Squared, a cleric and weapons trafficker who does both at the same time.  “The West has been so intolerant of our culture that we must wipe Israel and America off the face of the earth, so help us god, so that totalitarian freedom will reign.  We’re pleased that Obama is closing Guantanamo and dumbing down the U.S. rules of engagement so that fewer of us will experience discomfort if we’re arrested and taken to U.S. court.  It seems silly that some in the U.S. don’t understand our plans or Obama’s when we’ve both made ourselves clear.  Still, that’s what separates the stupid from the strong.  And we are strong.  Want to surrender your necks to our blades now or do it during Obama’s second term?”

Healthy Penis

Healthy Penis

In other news, NBC Bay Area reported last week that San Franciscans are rejoicing over their favorite mascot — the Healthy Penis.  The campaign began in 2002 after the San Francisco Department of Health conducted several focus groups to see how best to raise awareness about syphilis in the city and how best to persuade gay men to get screened. The city says the campaign was a huge success because it led to a significant decrease in syphilis cases. The Healthy Penis was later introduced in Los Angeles, Portland, Philadelphia, Seattle, Santa Clara County and in Winnipeg, Canada but in a less provocative way we’re told.

090220-healthypenis4-b-w1The campaign has expanded to include an African-American penis named Byron the Penis and a Hispanic penis named Pedro the Penis as well. The original penis Clark is heading up the campaign and is still the most recognizable penis in the city. Phil the Sore is also back in the campaign trying to cause all the havoc that syphilis causes. Maybe the scariest part of it all is that the three penises have Facebook and My Space pages, while Phil has his own regularly updated Twitter page. No word on how much funding the Penis campaign will receive from Obama’s “stimulus package” but why give a shit now.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source Articles:

Love Potion #1: New drug could control love’s presence
http://www.tuftsdaily.com/1.1375307-1.1375307

Medicine bottles used for Hamas grenades
http://www.upi.com/Top_News/2009/02/13/Medicine_bottles_used_for_Hamas_grenades/UPI-50051234556744/

Prominent Orchard Park man charged with beheading his wife
http://www.buffalonews.com/437/story/578644.html

The City Welcomes Back Its Favorite Mascot
http://www.nbcbayarea.com/around_town/the_scene/Welcome-Back-Healthy-Penis.html

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Filed under Humor, IP News

Better beer through DNA mapping

Cheers! Yeast gene map could mean better beer

By Michael Kahn
Reuters
Feb 11, 2009

mmm DNA

mmm DNA

LONDON (Reuters) – Researchers have mapped the DNA of dozens of strains of yeast used for brewing, baking and biofuels, something they said Wednesday will help map the human genome and could lead to better-tasting beer and wine.

This means brewers can pick the best strains to make beer with more flavour or perhaps help vintners bottle wine that lasts longer after opening, Ed Louis of the University of Nottingham in Britain and colleagues reported in the journal Nature.

“We now have a view of the variation across the entire species, which will allow us to make better combinations for better uses of things like beer and wine,” Louis said in a telephone interview.

“I’m going to be using it to create better strains for biofuel production.”

Yeast has long been used as a model for studying cancer, ageing and diseases like Alzheimer’s in humans because many of its genes are similar to ours. It also has as many genetic variations as human DNA, the researchers said.

090219-beer-mug-b-w3The team mapped the genes of more than 70 strains of yeast used around the world for baking bread, brewing beer and making wine. They also looked at wild strains found in oak bark.

Because the genetic map of yeast is much smaller than the human genome, the researchers were able to more quickly and cheaply map all the genetic differences in many different strains, Louis said.

Besides offering ways to improve beer, wine and bread, the maps could provide a model scientists can use to build computer software needed to scan the more complex human genome, Louis said.

090219-st-pauli-girl-posterResearchers across the world are mapping the human genome to look for genes involved in diseases, determine who may be at risk for certain illness and to help design more-tailored drugs.

While scientists have so far sequenced the DNA of a few individuals, the goal is to do so on a much bigger scale to more definitively tie genetic variations to different diseases.

“Now we can build the tools that will help us compare thousands of humans across the genome and all the variants,” Louis said.

(Reporting by Michael Kahn; Editing by Maggie Fox)

news.yahoo.com

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India to launch cow urine as soft drink

Jeremy Page
Times Online – UK
February 11, 2009

Damn that’s tasty cow piss ...

Damn that’s tasty cow piss ...

Delhi — Does your Pepsi lack pep? Is your Coke not the real thing? India’s Hindu nationalist movement apparently has the answer: a new soft drink made from cow urine.

The bovine brew is in the final stages of development by the Cow Protection Department of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), India’s biggest and oldest Hindu nationalist group, according to the man who makes it.

Om Prakash, the head of the department, said the drink – called “gau jal”, or “cow water” – in Sanskrit was undergoing laboratory tests and would be launched “very soon, maybe by the end of this year”.

“Don’t worry, it won’t smell like urine and will be tasty too,” he told The Times from his headquarters in Hardwar, one of four holy cities on the River Ganges. “Its USP will be that it’s going to be very healthy. It won’t be like carbonated drinks and would be devoid of any toxins.”

The drink is the latest attempt by the RSS – which was founded in 1925 and now claims eight million members – to cleanse India of foreign influence and promote its ideology of Hindutva, or Hindu-ness.

The manufacturing process

The manufacturing process

Hindus revere cows and slaughtering them is illegal in most of India. Cow dung is traditionally used as a fuel and disinfectant in villages, while cow urine and dung are often consumed in rituals to “purify” those on the bottom rungs of the Hindu caste system.

In 2001, the RSS and its offshoots – which include the opposition Bharatiya Janata Party – began promoting cow urine as a cure for ailments ranging from liver disease to obesity and even cancer.

The movement has often been accused of using more violent methods, such as killing 67 Christians in the eastern state of Orissa last year, and assaulting women in a pub in Mangalore last month. It also has a history of targeting foreign business in India, as in 1994, when it organised a nationwide boycott of multinational consumer goods, including Pepsi and Coca Cola.

Get'in thirsty just look'n

Get'in thirsty just look'n

The cola brands are popular in India, now one of their biggest markets, but have struggled in recent years to shake off allegations, which they deny, that they contain dangerous levels of pesticide.

Mr Prakash said his drink, by contrast, was made mainly of cow urine, mixed with a few medicinal and ayurvedic herbs. He said it would be “cheap”, but declined to give further details about its price or ingredients until it was officially launched.

He insisted, however, that it would be able to compete with the American cola brands, even with their enormous advertising budgets. “We’re going to give them good competition as our drink is good for mankind,” he said. “We may also think of exporting it.”

timesonline.co.uk

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Teacher cuts Class for Prostitution, Dutch fear loss of Porn Archive, and Pam Anderson now living in Mobile Home

> Fourth-grade teacher had side job as prostitute
> Dutch city pornography archive missing
> Former ‘Baywatch’ star living in mobile home with new lover

Inebriated Press
February 16, 2009

090216-teacher-b-wAssociated Press reported last week that an Ohio fourth-grade teacher had a side job as a prostitute, and even skipped class for trysts.  And Associated Press also reported last week that the Dutch city of Leeuwarden is missing its porn archive, and officials fear it may be gone for good.  Meanwhile, BANG Media reported that Pamela Anderson has moved into her electrician boyfriend’s trailer and is living there with her sons, Brandon and Dylan.  Pundits are debating why the public is confused about the sophisticated logic behind hooker-school-teachers, the porn collections of cities, and hot babes who prefer living in trailer-houses rather than multi-million dollar mansions.

“Some of the general public, who for reasons unknown, continue to cling to vestiges of common sense and aspects of old-school logic are surprised and confused when they hear that grade-school teachers are also hookers, and that most cities keep porn collections and that famous actresses would rather live in sleazy cracker-box-sized trailers than in massive plush mansions.  That kind of mental discord is one of the reasons the U.S. desperately needs nationalized healthcare,” said someone claiming to be Barack Obama, a community organizer who recently began reorganizing the community known as the United States of America by proposing a ‘stimulus package’ containing provisions that will fundamentally change the foundation of the country and provide him the freedom to reinterpret the U.S. constitution through the use of Executive Orders.  “Teachers shouldn’t have to hook on the side to make ends meet, but they also shouldn’t have to give sex away to their students for free.  Part of my new healthcare/education package will provide teachers with more income if they teach and have sex with kids at school.  And in the future most American’s will be living in trailer houses because they require less resources and the folks will have more money to spend on taxes.  And as far as porn achieves are concerned, they’re as historic as the U.S. Constitution and every city should have a collection they keep around just to look at from time to time.”

090216-archives-b-wNot everyone agrees with the guy claiming to be Obama, or that it was Obama who said those things.  “Even someone who’s busily converting the U.S. into a socialist society isn’t going to support student-teacher sex or the idea that everyone, even bureaucrats will be living in mobile homes.  I can see him backing the porn achieves, but that’s an artsy kind of thing,” said Mary Chrismas-Party, a professional weight-lifter and new age philosopher, whose missives on utopia through dictatorship is required reading in the Obama Administration.  “It’s true that most of the common masses will probably live in mobile homes in the future, but the aristocratic socialist Democrats will still have mansions, porn collections and occasionally have sex with a teacher who skips out on class.  But that’s merely progressive and shouldn’t be misunderstood as change for change itself.  Give Obama four years and you’ll begin to understand.  Give him eight and you won’t even be asking questions about this stuff.”

Amber Carter

Amber Carter

Associated Press reported that authorities say an Ohio fourth-grade teacher had a side job as a prostitute, and even skipped class after using a school computer to arrange an afternoon tryst at a motel. Logan County sheriff’s officials say 35-year-old Amber Carter was arrested Tuesday at a motel parking lot in Bellefontaine in central Ohio. She’s charged with misdemeanor prostitution and a felony, and unauthorized use of property, regarding the computer. Bellefontaine City Schools Superintendent Larry Anderson says officials are shocked. He says Carter never received a reprimand in 13 years at the district. She’s now on administrative leave.

Dutch Playboy

Dutch Playboy

Associated Press reported that the municipal pornography archive in the Dutch city of Leeuwarden is missing and officials fear it may be gone for good. Spokesman Erik Krikke of the city’s historical center said the archive – which contained photos, drawings and erotic texts with a connection to the city – may have been taken home “accidentally” by an employee or visitor. Krikke said the bulk of the archive had been assembled by a “fanatic” curator at the historical center, mostly during the 1960s and ’70s. Items such as pictures by local photographers and artists would be difficult or impossible to replace.

The collection included a copy of the rare February 1998 edition of Dutch Playboy, Krikke said. It featured girls from each of 11 Dutch cities along the route of the country’s most beloved ice skating race, the Elfstedentocht. One of those girls was from Leeuwarden. Asked whether he thought it was unusual for the town to have a pornography collection, Krikke said “yes” – and that made the loss greater.

Pamela Anderson

Pamela Anderson

BANG Media reported that former ‘Baywatch’ star Pamela Anderson, is reportedly living in a mobile home with new lover Jamie Padgett, who is a surfer and electrician, in Malibu. A source said: “Pam and the kids joined Jamie and his sons – who are around Brandon and Dylan’s age – on his boat in Paradise Cove at the weekend. They spent most of the time on the beach with their kids. They are really happy together. Pam is staying with him in the Paradise Cove trailer park while her house is renovated.” Pamela is said to have fallen “head over heels” with Jamie because of his clean living ways – in stark contrast to Pamela’s ex-husbands: Motley Crue rocker Tommy Lee, who is also the father of her children, rapper Kid Rock and professional poker player and pornographer Rick Salomon.

Some experts say that common people with “clean living ways” have accidentally done some good historically, though they aren’t sure why.

Living large with Pam

Living large with Pam

“If you look back at history it’s rather amusing to discover that guys and gals who lived lives based on Judeo-Christian values, exhibited fairness and lived by the ‘Golden Rule,’ often created stable families and societies and ended up building great civilizations that resulted in more individual freedom and economic success than societies based on socialism, dictatorship or totalitarianism,” said Chester Fester-Acorn, a social activist who believes random ethics are the most natural and enduring and should be the basis of all governments.  “It’s amazing how such accidents could have occurred like those, when everyone knows that central planning conducted by the political elite is the only way to run a social system or country.  In a few years the U.S. will get a taste of that utopia when the government tells everyone what to do and how to do it.  People misunderstood Orwell’s book ‘1984’ and thought it was a warning to free people.  The reality is, it’s a manual for the Obama administration.  But Obama and his people will make it work.  They’re smarter than every socialist group that tried central control before.  That’s why it’ll work this time even though it never has.  And as for the successful American experiment of private enterprise and individual freedom?  Well, like all old ideas it had to go the way of lost porn collections.  Some feel wistful about its loss, but it’s no big deal really. Having the will of the powerful imposed on the individual is as natural as Darwinism.  Why fight it?”

We're here to help

We're here to help

In other news UPI reported last week that Swedish police said they broke down the door of a hostel after hearing what seemed to be a woman’s screams, only to discover an opera singer was practicing. “They thought somebody in there was in distress and made a decision to raid the premises,” police spokesman Peder Jonsson said. However, when the police broke down the door and entered the building, they discovered that the high-pitched sound had been a female member of a South African choir practicing for an upcoming performance at the Norrlandsoperan opera house. No word on whether the choir felt safer knowing that cops are free to break into homes whenever they feel like it, but in the years ahead we’ll probably all get used to the idea.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Article sources:

Ohio Teacher Cut Class For Prostitution
http://www.wbbm780.com/Ohio-Teacher-Cut-Class-For-Prostitution/3833235

Dutch city fears loss of pornography archive
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/E/EU_ODD_NETHERLANDS_PURLOINED_PORN?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2009-02-12-12-28-57

Pamela Anderson living in trailer
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/35/20090212/ten-pamela-anderson-living-in-trailer-764dee7.html

Police mistake singing for screams
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/02/11/Police_mistake_singing_for_screams/UPI-39601234379917/

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Valentines Day Reality Tour

090214-happyvalentinesday

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Terrorists freed after promising to be good, Underwear protests, and, America goes Socialist

> 170 al-Qaida suspects released after pledging to behave
> Women attacked in bar mail pink underwear to anti-women-in-bars group
> American economy morphing into French socialism

Inebriated Press
February 13, 2009

Damn French Socialist

Damn French Socialist

The New York Daily News reported this week that Yemen released 170 al-Qaida terrorist suspects after they signed pledges against terrorism. And BBC News reported that Indians outraged at an attack on women for drinking in a bar are sending underwear to a right-wing activist group.  Meanwhile, Newsweek Magazine reported in a story titled “We are all Socialists Now,” that in many ways the U.S. economy already resembles a European one and that as boomers age and spending grows, America will become even more French.  Pundits are debating whether getting terrorists to promise they’ll be good, embracing socialism, and resisting terror by sending undergarments through the mail, is enough to fix the economic and ethical challenges we face in today’s world.

“I’m all for trying new approaches to old problems, but the idea of using old-failed approaches to current problems isn’t only stupid, it’s naive and dangerous,” said Helene Curtis, a suave red-headed investment banker, with smarts and a body that causes paralysis in four out of five dentists who chew gum.  “The French economy has been a wreck for years, why would the U.S. want to emulate that? And terrorists tell lies like it’s their common language, you can’t believe them when they promise they’ll ‘behave.’  And when it comes down to battling a pro-Taliban-values group that beat women who go into bars — by sending them underpants in the mail — you know we’ve left go of reality as well as common sense.  The reality is we have to fight for civilization by crushing those who would crush us, and cut taxes and free businesses that create jobs and power the economy — not expand bureaucratic government that does nothing but suck the money and freedom out of it’s citizens, the larger it gets.  We have to limit government and terrorists.  Left to their own devises they become the same: totalitarian dictators.”

The French in the Old Days

The French in the Old Days

Not everyone agrees with Curtis. “Fighting violence with violence and forcing the market to drive the economy rather than thoughtful bureaucrats is an enormous mistake that has resulted in the twisted social-economic reality that the world faces today — more food, medical care, goods and services for more people than ever before in the history of the world — and this has got to stop because it’s risky and dangerous,” said someone claiming to be an evangelist and mortician named Ralph Nader, who was rumored to have run for U.S. president, but no one knows for sure.  “Left on it’s own with a modest set of rules every marketplace is scary and unsafe, they must be managed and controlled by well-meaning socialists who only want what’s best for us after they have enough.  You can’t let an economy be run by marketplace demand and allow bad businesses to fail.  It’s ethics like those that get you into trouble.  I’m not sure how, but  I know I’m right.  I’ve always been right.  Everyone on the left is right.  Or something like that.”

090113-dominate-b-wThe New York Daily News reported that Yemen released 170 men it had arrested on suspicion of having ties to al-Qaida, security officials said, two weeks after the terror group announced that Yemen had become the base of its activities for the whole Arabian peninsula. The men were freed Friday and Saturday after signing pledges not to engage in terrorism — a strategy the Yemeni government has often used with those suspected of fighting in militant causes abroad. Elements of al-Qaida have long found a haven in Yemen’s remote hinterland. Last month, Saudi al-Qaida fugitives in Yemen and their Yemeni associates announced in an Internet video that they were joining forces to form a single group. On Saturday, Saudi Arabia issued a list of 85 most wanted living abroad that included two Yemenis. Many of the Saudis on the list are suspected of hiding out in Yemen as well. The officials who announced the release spoke on condition of anonymity because they are not allowed to speak to the press.

Underwear protest poster

Underwear protest poster

BBC News reported that Indians outraged at an attack on women for drinking in a bar have gathered together to send a provocative gift of underwear to right-wing activists. More than 5,000 people, including men, have joined the Facebook group, which calls itself the Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women. The group says it will give the pink underwear to Sri Ram Sena (Army of Lord Ram) on Valentine’s Day on Saturday. It was blamed for the bar attack in the southern city of Mangalore last month. Pramod Mutalik, who heads the little known Ram Sena and is now on bail after he was held following the attack, has said it is “not acceptable” for women to go to bars in India.

Last month’s attack in Mangalore, which was filmed and then broadcast on national television, shocked many Indians. Television pictures showed men chasing and beating up the panicking women. Some of the women, who tripped and fell, were kicked by the men. Women’s groups strongly condemned the attack, which was described by the country’s Women’s Minister Renuka Chaudhury as an attempt to impose Taliban-style values. The Hindu nationalist BJP government in Karnataka state distanced itself from the attack. It said it had nothing to do with Sri Ram Sena. But a BBC correspondent says that right-wing Hindu vigilante groups loosely linked to the BJP are active in many parts of India and have in the past targeted Muslim and Christian minorities as well as events such as Valentine’s Day.

Oui to replace Wall Street Journal

Oui to replace Wall Street Journal

Newsweek Magazine reported that in many ways the U.S. economy already resembles a European one and as boomers age and spending grows, America will become even more like the French.  In essence, everyone is becoming socialist. The article went on to say that the U.S. remains a center-right nation in many ways—particularly culturally, and our instinct, once the crisis passes, will be to try to revert to a more free-market style of capitalism—but it was, under a conservative GOP administration that we enacted the largest expansion of the welfare state in 30 years: prescription drugs for the elderly. People on the right and the left want government to invest in alternative energies in order to break our addiction to foreign oil. And it is unlikely that even the reddest of states will decline federal money for infrastructural improvements.

Authors Jon Meacham and Evan Thomas wrote that if we fail to acknowledge the reality of the growing role of government in the economy, insisting instead on fighting 21st-century wars with 20th-century terms and tactics, then we are doomed to a fractious and unedifying debate. The sooner we understand where we truly stand [we’re all socialists], the sooner we can think more clearly about how to use government in today’s world. Whether we like it or not—or even whether many people have thought much about it or not—the economic numbers clearly suggest that we are headed in a more European direction.

French approach to global warming

French approach to global warming

A decade ago U.S. government spending was 34.3 percent of GDP, compared with 48.2 percent in the euro zone—a roughly 14-point gap, according to the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development. In 2010 U.S. spending is expected to be 39.9 percent of GDP, compared with 47.1 percent in the euro zone—a gap of less than 8 points. As entitlement spending rises over the next decade, we will become even more French. Bush brought the Age of Reagan to a close; now Obama has gone further, reversing Bill Clinton’s end of big government.

Some people say that entropy and chaos are part of nature and should be embraced and not resisted.

“Many of the early European settlers on the North American continent had fled Europe for religious freedom, limited government, and opportunity to do what they wanted by carving out hard lives in the mountains and on the plains, taming the rugged landscape and inventing new ways to raise crops and harvest them.  Then they invented unheard of manufacturing and household technologies that built an American economic monster that has been loved and hated around the globe as it freed people from tyranny and made them dependent on goods, services and luxuries that never existed before.  They brought order out of chaos and lifted hardship off the common man, and they fought against nature in the fields and human heart, while they traded worship of the earth for worship of a Judeo-Christian god that gave them inalienable rights.  What a bunch of anti-bureaucracy anti-nature anti-intellectual ass-holes,” said Manfred Friedhelm-Wainwright, a mental giant who knows best, because he can contemplate social-economic theory every day, having inherited a fortune from his dead father who built and sold several businesses during his life time — but apparently didn’t leave his son a lick of common sense.  “Chaos and disorder is natural.  Entropy and disintegration of systems is natural, even organic.  It’s the way all things should be.  Disorder and French pastries and economics are the ways of all good people.  Mailing some underwear to terrorists will work fine, I’m sure it would have stopped Hitler in his tracks and made Stalin rethink his purges.  And if not, well, chaos, mayhem and murder are like chaotic acts of nature and are for the best in the long run.  Just don’t pick on me, I’m above all this stuff and should be treated like royalty.  That’s all we socialists really want you know.”

Islam is a peaceful religion

Islam is a peaceful religion

In other news, Deseret News reported Sunday that Pentagon auditors say there is a possibility that the Army is missing nerve gas because there are discrepancies in records between how much chemical weapons agent was initially stored, and how much of it was later destroyed at Utah’s Deseret Chemical Depot and other bases nationwide. The auditors report said, “The (Army Chemical Materials) Agency didn’t have complete assurance that amounts recorded in the system were accurate, which increased its chances for heightened levels of program scrutiny by federal, state and international organizations that have a vested interest in the elimination of chemical weapons.” Such words can cause shivers among Utahans who remember such things as the death of thousands of sheep in Skull Valley in 1968 that were blamed on nerve gas tests that went awry at nearby Dugway Proving Ground, and Skull Valley residents who have blamed mysterious illnesses on exposure to tiny amounts of nerve agent from such tests. No word on why they’re bothered since chaos is natural, or if they’re going to protest by mailing underwear to military officials.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Official: Yemen releases 170 al-Qaida suspects after they sign pledges against terrorism
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/us_world/2009/02/08/2009-02-08_official_yemen_releases_170_alqaida_susp.html

Underwear protest at India attack
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7880377.stm

We Are All Socialists Now
http://www.newsweek.com/id/183663/page/2

Nerve agent may be missing
http://deseretnews.com/article/content/mobile/1,5143,705283634,00.html?printView=true

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How the Kremlin caved in over girl’s guinea pig

by AIDAN RADNEDGE
Metro – UK
February 9, 2009

Russian Guinea Pig

Russian Guinea Pig

Pigs were used by George Orwell to satirise Stalin’s Soviet state in Animal Farm – but guinea pigs are just as controversial in modern Russia.

A 13-year-old girl has felt the wrath of the Kremlin for having the audacity to ask the Russian president for a new pet. Nastya Ivliyeva wrote to Dmitry Medvedev’s website asking for a guinea pig to go with her existing one.

As soon as local officials found out about the request they went to the girl’s school where she was called to the headmaster’s office and ticked off so badly that she burst into tears.

Want to be this girls guinea pig?

Want to be this girls guinea pig?

They then summoned Nastya’s parents to condemn them for bringing up a brazen child who would waste the president’s time on such trifling matters. Nastya was even forced to write a letter retracting her request.

But attitudes shifted when her parents complained to the president about the officials’ behaviour and a newspaper publicised the plight of the girl from Kalitvensky in southern Russia.

The next day, officials called again – but this time to hand over two guinea pigs and a cage.

The episode marked a ‘complete failure by the authorities to understand real people and their problems’, said youth committee leader Sergei Chyuev.

Last year, Siberian girl Dasha Varfolomeeva, nine, used a TV show to ask leader Vladimir Putin for a dress and a trip to Moscow. She got both.

metro.co.uk

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Porn Star Senator, Guerilla Gardeners; and Pink Slip Parties

> Porn star Stormy Daniels drafted for U.S. Senate run
> Guerilla gardening group gets busted by city council
> Pink Slip Parties — where the unemployed come to mingle

Inebriated Press
February 11, 2009

Stormy Daniels

Stormy Daniels

CNN reported yesterday that fans of porn star Stormy Daniels are drafting her to run for the U.S. Senate seat in Louisiana now held by Republican Sen. David Vitter.  Vitter is famous — or infamous — for his link to the “D.C. Madam,” the woman who ran a prostitution ring.  And Australia’s Daily Telegraph reported last week that mysterious gardeners were fixing Sydney’s worst eyesores — but they didn’t get city permits first so they had to stop.  Meanwhile, Associated Press reported last week that bar parties for the newly unemployed — in New York’s Wall Street district they’re called Wall Street Pink Slip Parties — are being held in growing numbers for out-of-work professionals.  Inebriated reporters awake just long enough to comment, say its high time businesses, cities and states recognize the power of booze, porn and clandestine gardening to turn the economy around.

“For too long stodgy politicians have distained guerilla and vigilante groups who have creative problem solving techniques, and out-of-work professionals have sobbed alone after being laid off; and, Senators have secretly banged porn stars rather than actually being one,” said Inebriated reporter Sumer Solstice, a part-time writer, part-time stripper and part-silicon woman of wonders.  “Once Stormy is in the Senate all after hour hijinks will simply be called caucusing — and probably be a lot more productive.  And if we can get city councils to let people who want to plant flowers plant that damn things, maybe we can even find a way to get cities looking nicer without added expense, and perhaps even find some of the unemployed pink-slip party-goers some work somehow.  Jeeze Louise, let’s take down the barriers to progress and use some creativity to solve some of our problems.  Free enterprise will always trump a government attempted bail-out because the folks can generate real value and not just shuffle tax burdens from generation to generation or interest group to interest group.”

Not everyone agrees with Sumer.  “You can’t have porn workers running the federal government or let vigilante gardening clubs roam the streets planting petunias and shrubs indiscriminately, you’ll have bedlam and the next thing you know bureaucracy as we know it will start breaking down,” said Jesse Longg-Winter, a buxom brunette pet store manager, and winner of the Ms. Know-It-All Award 1998.  “I’m fine with people who are out-of-work having pink-slip parties and giving one another support and job help.  There’s nothing wrong with that kind of networking.  But let’s not accept porn queen government and guerilla gardeners.  We’ve got to keep a few standards in tact regardless how much of our children’s future Obama plans to mortgage.  Let’s not throw all the babies away with the bath water.”

Candidate for Senate

Candidate for Senate

CNN reported that fans of porn star Stormy Daniels are drafting her to run for the U.S. Senate seat in Louisiana now held by Republican Sen. David Vitter. And it’s no racy gimmick, they say. The Draft Stormy Web site says that “2010 presents the Pelican State with the opportunity to start with a clean slate — to elect a representative that we can be proud of, who will work tirelessly, and who will challenge the status quo. We at the Draft Stormy campaign feel that Baton Rouge native Stormy Daniels is best suited to fulfill these duties.”

Vitter is famous — or infamous — for his link to the “D.C. Madam,” the woman who ran a prostitution ring. Elected to the Senate in 2004, he admitted to “a very serious sin in my past” in July 2007 after his phone number turned up in records of an escort service run by the late Deborah Jeane Palfrey, known as the D.C. Madam. Running for re-election, Vitter said his wife has forgiven him and is banking on the same sentiment from his constituents. Daniels, 29, isn’t affiliated with a party but is embracing the idea of a possible candidacy. She said she’s planning a “listening tour” around Louisiana to talk about a range of matters, including the economy — which along with women in business and protection of children are the three issues listed on her Web site. When told Vitter can be a tough opponent, she said she’s “always up for a good fight.” Senator Vitter’s office didn’t return CNN’s calls for comment.

Busted gardener

Busted gardener

The Daily Telegraph reported that using fake IDs, refusing to comply with the development application processes and wearing clever disguises – including posing as Leichhardt Council workers complete with T-shirts sporting the council’s logo – a six-person gardening gang was shut down during its 18th “hit”. The green thumb group, filming for a Channel 10 series called Guerrilla Gardeners, premiering later this month, were told to drop their tools by Sutherland Shire Council. It was the first time the team was busted before completing a project — having been busted by other councils around Sydney including Newtown, Ashfield and Canterbury — telling them to move on once they’re finished.  “It’s always a risk,” said Amy, who refused to give her full name.

Associated Press reported that the bar was crowded with well-dressed professionals enjoying drinks and conversation, a typical evening – except that many of them had no job. The event was a Wall Street Pink Slip Party, where the unemployed mix with recruiters and curious bystanders to network, look for work, and share their stories. Figures released last Friday showed that the unemployment rate hit 7.6 in January, a month with more layoffs than at any other time since 1974. Jobseekers are gathering in bars, delving into the business networking Web site LinkedIn, waiting in lines at city help centers, and even starting up hopeful conversations with prosperous-looking strangers on commuter trains – all in the hope of landing jobs in what seems to be a shrinking pool of opportunity.

Pink-slip-party

Pink-slip-party

Chandlee Bryan, a resume writer and career coach who acts as facilitator for the New York group, says the meetings help people fight off the solitude that comes with being jobless. “There’s a great deal of isolation,” she said. “That complicates the process and makes it harder, given that the majority of people find their jobs through networking.” That’s the point of the Wall Street Pink Slip Party – modeled after similar events held following the dot-com bust. Since the reincarnation was launched in November, the intensity at the parties is increasing.

Some people say that if porn workers ran the federal government everyone would have jobs, or if not, at least they’d keep their minds off their problems.

This Senate candidate has yard signs that are in demand

This Senate candidate has yard signs that are in demand

“You can only run a secret kamikaze gardening group or hang-out with other out-of-work people for so long and then you’ve got to do something to make some money and get a little action,” said someone claiming to be Bob Saget, a former comedian, former dumb video TV-show host and currently the person we’re supposedly quoting.  “That’s where good porn Senators come in. Bill Clinton wanted to offer hookers as part of national health care but didn’t have the personal discipline to pull it off.  Once he had Monica he didn’t give a rat’s ass about the rest of us.  Now a good porn worker in the Senate will bring the kinds of contacts and business experience necessary to bring about Bill’s dream.  And we’ll need more hookers and porn workers to fulfill the demand.  That puts people to work, takes folks minds off of bad times, and makes the nation so progressive that even the French will be jealous. Now we’re talk’n a serious stimulus package.”

An arresting officer

An arresting officer

In other news, Sweden’s The Local reported Monday that the presence of a male stripper and pictures of naked police officers brandishing their service weapons have prompted an investigation of a party thrown for members of the Gothenburg police force. The nine officers, none of whom were women, had just finished supplemental training to serve in special tactical units and included a number of seasoned veterans. The party was held in a rented cabin near Gothenburg and included the recent graduates as well as the instructors who had trained them during the six-month course. Police in Västra Götaland is western Sweden now plan to review their special forces recruiting procedures. Nothing that happened at the party was illegal, according to police. Nevertheless, it was inappropriate, they added. No word on whether the party helped improve the local economy or added to future job prospects, but when Stormy Daniels is a Senator, you can bet this kind of activity will strengthen the U.S. economy like gangbusters.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

CNN Clip:

 
Source articles:

Push to make porn star a senator no stunt, fan says
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/09/senate.porn.candidate/?iref=mpstoryview

Guerilla garden gang nipped in the bud
http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,25014566-5006009,00.html

Legions facing layoffs turn to parties, Internet
http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=news/business&id=6646665

Probe to follow naked Swedish police party
http://www.thelocal.se/17450.html

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Obama “Marketer of the Year,” beats Apple, Nike

At ANA Gathering, Marketing Pros and Agency Bigs Tap Barack Over Apple, Zappos

ORLANDO, Fla. (AdAge.com) — Just weeks before he demonstrates whether his campaign’s blend of grass-roots appeal and big media-budget know-how has converted the American electorate, Sen. Barack Obama has shown he’s already won over the nation’s brand builders. He’s been named Advertising Age’s marketer of the year for 2008.

Mr. Obama won the vote of hundreds of marketers, agency heads and marketing-services vendors gathered here at the Association of National Advertisers' annual conference.

Mr. Obama won the vote of hundreds of marketers, agency heads and marketing-services vendors gathered here at the Association of National Advertisers’ annual conference. He edged out runners-up Apple and Zappos.com. The rest of the shortlist, selected by Ad Age’s editorial staff, was rounded out by megabrand Nike, turnaround story Coors and Mr. Obama’s rival, Sen. John McCain.

From unknown to presidential nominee
“I think he did a great job of going from a relative unknown to a household name to being a candidate for president,” said Linda Clarizio, president of AOL’s Platform A, the sponsor of the opening-night dinner attended by 750 where the votes were cast.

“I honestly look at [Obama’s] campaign and I look at it as something that we can all learn from as marketers,” said Angus Macaulay, VP-Rodale marketing solutions “To see what he’s done, to be able to create a social network and do it in a way where it’s created the tools to let people get engaged very easily. It’s very easy for people to participate.”

Jon Fine, marketing and media columnist for BusinessWeek, pointed to Mr. Obama’s facility with engaging voters in social-media channels. “It’s the fuckin’ Web 2.0 thing,” he said.

In introducing the winner to the crowd, Ad Age Editor Jonah Bloom joked, “I’m surprised. I thought you [all] made more than $250,000.”

While Mr. Obama may have won the most votes, he didn’t get them from several of the bigger marketers in the room, many of whom supported Apple, Coors and Nike instead. Procter & Gamble Co. had a split ticket. Outgoing Global Marketing Officer Jim Stengel, currently on special assignment as he prepares to leave the company at the end of the month, voted for Apple.

Linda Clarizio, president of AOL's Platform A, said of Barack Obama, 'I think he did a great job of going from a relative unknown to a household name to being a candidate for president.'
Linda Clarizio, president of AOL’s Platform A, said of Barack Obama, ‘I think he did a great job of going from a relative unknown to a household name to being a candidate for president.’
Photo Credit: Art Beaulieu

Apple’s ‘amazing consistency’
“Year in and year out, Apple delivers great innovation, customer service and user experience,” Mr. Stengel said. “It has amazing consistency.” His successor, Marc Pritchard, was a Nike supporter because of its development of a global community of users. “I think [the concept] is going to be huge,” he said.

Brian Perkins, corporate VP-corporate affairs of Johnson & Johnson, also backed Apple, though Nike was a close second for him. “I admire all of the work they do, the clarity and consistency of their message, their design and everything they do,” he said of Apple. Nike likewise consistently builds its brand across everything it does, Mr. Perkins added, noting that “they don’t do a lot of TV. In fact, I don’t remember when was the last time I saw a Nike ad on TV.”

Mark Kaline, recently appointed global media director of Kimberly-Clark Corp., voted for Coors “because they showed business results,” he said. “Quite frankly, because political advertising kind of goes against a lot of what ANA stands for, I don’t think it belongs in the voting. … A lot of political advertising is false and misleading, and marketers at this conference don’t expect to see that kind of stuff.”

Coors’ ‘new approaches’
Nancy Abraham, assistant VP-integrated marketing communications for Allstate Insurance Co., likewise backed Coors. “They’ve done an excellent job taking some new approaches in a market that hasn’t seen a lot of growth over the years.”

How they voted
Marketer % of votes
Obama 36.1%
Apple 27.3%
Zappos 14.1%
Nike 9.4%
Coors 8.7%
McCain 4.5%
Source: Meridia ARS

While Apple’s strong second-place showing in the voting surprised no one, lesser-known Zappos’ third-place finish probably caught a few off guard. But the online shoe seller is a sexy story because of its practice of pumping the budget it would spend on advertising into its customer service, leading to strong retention.

“Zappos has great customer service, a great business model and it’s smart to use the internet as a platform,” said Maria Luisa Francoli, CEO of Havas’ media agency MPG. “And I love the name.”

~ ~ ~
Contributing: Jack Neff, Natalie Zmuda

adage.com

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