Obama collectable flips off America, Beyonce to play JFK’s Marilyn Monroe to Barack; and Seattle man tries to sacrifice girlfriend

> Obama Coffee Cup Raises More Than Questions
> Beyonce and Barack hot for each other, Michelle issues threat
> Charges filed in man’s attempted ‘sacrifice’

Inebriated Press
February 2, 2009

Finger of Leadership

Finger of Leadership

The Denver Channel reported last week that a commemorative coffee cup sold by 7-Eleven shows the new president and a group of supporters with a hand in the background extending a middle finger.  And HipHop Crunch reported last week that Michelle Obama has threatened to ban Beyonce from the White House after learning that Barack is ga-ga for her and she caught Beyonce flirting with him during an inauguration dance.  Meanwhile, a Seattle man has been arrested for attempting to slit his girlfriends throat and sacrifice her on an alter he set up in their apartment.  Pundits are debating the nature of sex and presidential power, and the things we do for love.

Marilyn 2.0

Marilyn 2.0

“I’ll sacrifice that bitch if I catch Beyonce f***ing around with my man and pretending she’s Marilyn Monroe to JFK in this White House,” said someone claiming to be Michelle Obama, as she sat sharpening a Bowie Knife on the back of her hand, and accidentally starting a sofa on fire with her glare.  “We’re here, we got power and we’re going to live like royalty and change America into what we want.  And there’s no woman coming in here singing birthday songs and getting a piece of Barack’s ass they way Monroe did with Kennedy.  We may be bringing liberal politics back to this House, but we’re not bringing the backroom sex games.  I’ll bust both their asses with my bare hands if I catch them; don’t you doubt me now.”

Not everyone is worried about sex in the White House.  “Barack is president and he can flip-off whomever he wants and take whatever piece of ass he feels like – he’s the Man baby, he’s the Man,” said a passing troll with lint in his pockets and probably his brain.  “Once you got the power you do what you want and you remind people you got it.  That’s why Barack told the Republicans’ to remember that he won the damn election, and they’d better not forget it.  Michelle is his woman and if he wants some on the side, he’s free to get it.  ‘Celle better fall in line or she’ll be on the outside looking in.  Her name’s not got ‘president’ in front of it.  Who’s the bitch here anyway?”

090202-finger-of-711The Denver Channel reported that a commemorative coffee cup sold by 7-Eleven features a photo of the new president, the White House, and a group of supporters. In the background, among some upraised hands on the cup, is a hand displaying the middle finger.  Wayne Harrison the Senior Web Editor said they went to 7-Eleven and bought a cup, so they could study it. While there, they asked four customers what they thought. All four said it was definitely the middle finger. An informal poll around the newsroom resulted in a more mixed response. Some said it was middle finger, several others said it was the index finger, and a few said it could be either one.

Michelle waives one finger?

Michelle waives one finger?

HipHop Crunch reported that first Lady Michelle Obama has a message for Beyonce: You Shoulda Put A Ring On It–Step Off My Man! According to a scoop featured in the February 9 issue of The National Enquirer, Mrs. Obama recently threatened to have Beyonce Knowles-Carter banned from The White House after picking up on some quiet flirtation between the singer and President Barack Obama during the inauguration. “Beyonce has spent months gushing over President Obama,” says an Enquirer snitch, “And when she was in the same room with him, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from him.” Tabloid spies believe Beyonce may have a crush on the Commander-In-Chief–and that’s an accusation that has left Michelle Obama, 45, incensed. “Before things got out of hand, Michelle got word to Beyonce to tone things down or risk being banned from The White House in the future … She’s had a sore spot for Beyonce ever since a March 2007 fundraiser in New York City when her husband was all googly-eyed over Beyonce and asked for her autograph.”

Old tradition back in Seattle?

Old tradition back in Seattle?

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported that King County prosecutors filed assault charges Wednesday against a Seattle man accused of attempting to “sacrifice” his live-in girlfriend. According to police, Oumar Lam’s 26-year-old girlfriend arrived at their Queen Anne apartment Sunday to find him lying naked on a couch near a candle-lit altar. The woman told police she was seated on a bed when Lam attacked her from behind, pulling a pillowcase over her head and attempting to suffocate her. Pulling her head back, Lam, 31, allegedly sliced the woman’s throat while yelling in an unidentified language, according to court documents. She told police she attempted to break away from him as he pulled her toward the altar, at which he had apparently been praying for hours before her arrival. Police assert that Lam continued stabbing her during the struggle, cutting her chest, back and shoulder before she was able to dial 911. The woman, police said in court documents, “was extremely fearful that Lam was trying to kill her as part of a sacrifice.” The woman underwent emergency surgery at Harborview Medical Center after the incident and is expected to survive. Bail has not been set in the case for Lam, who remains in the King County Jail.

Some people say, sometimes love can hurt like hell.

Love hurts ...

Love hurts ...

“Having Beyonce trying to take your man, or your guy trying to slit your throat, is the price we women have to pay sometimes for the love we get to share,” said Emmy Hashish-Largess, an incense sales rep and blonde with black roots, whose occasions into consciousness are rarer than they used to be.  “Life can be hard sometimes and nobody and nothing is perfect.  If you can get to be first lady with a guy who wants to sleep around a little, hey you still got what you got and he ain’t go’in no where.  And maybe the guy you like wants to sacrifice you ’cause he loves you and his faith.  You got trade-offs.  I’m not saying it’s easy, but who said that life is?”

In other news, the Detroit Free Press reported last week that a Detroit woman and her seven children ages 9-18 are suing the Detroit Police Department for $15 million, because they allege officers attacked them without provocation in their home earlier this month. Tasha Flowers said last Thursday that approximately 14 police officers barged into her home in the 19000 block of Shrewsbury about 7:30 p.m. on Jan. 3 without a search warrant, demanding to know where drugs and guns were. After she explained she didn’t have any, she said they twisted her arm and tried to handcuff her, while her children and two of their friends were there. The following day, a police officer came back with $25 gift certificates to Wal-Mart and Target, $100 in cash and the promise to bring a cashmere coat because he felt bad about the alleged attack, Flowers said.

090202-sacrifice-pro-choiceNo word on whether the officers where flirting with Beyonce or thinking about sacrificing Flowers, but I guess an unprovoked attack by the cops is what some people have to endure to have the police support we need in a free society … or some bullshit like that.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Obama Coffee Cup Raises More Than Questions
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/politics/18595829/detail.html#

Michelle Obama Beyonce White House Ban: Beyonce Accused Of Flirting With President Obama
http://hiphop.popcrunch.com/michelle-obama-beyonce-white-house-ban-beyonce-accused-of-flirting-with-president/

Charges filed in man’s attempted ‘sacrifice’
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/397830_assault29.html

Detroit Police Sued for $15 Million
http://www.freep.com/article/20090130/NEWS01/901300325/Detroit+woman+sues+police+for+$15+million

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