Daily Archives: March 2, 2009

Porn bidding war over Octomom, Newspaper man runs strip club, and Feds seize porn, meat and booze

> Octuplet mom offered a million dollars to do porn
> Facing tough times in news business, writer turns to strip club
> Feds at Dulles Airport snag lots of porn, meat and booze

Inebriated Press
March 2, 2009



The Chicago Sun-Times reported Friday that the mother of octuplets born last month in California has received bids from two adult entertainment companies, including an offer of one million dollars to star in a porn movie. And, the Wall Street Journal reported recently that a writer and Pulitzer Prize nominee at the Dallas Morning News faced a probable job loss, so he made a significant career change: he’s now the manager of a topless joint.  Meanwhile, NBC Washington reported Friday that Customs and Border Protection officials at Dulles International Airport say they’ve seized an unusually high number of items from international travelers in the past week including porn, vodka and pork sausage.  Inebriated reporters say that if the three events can be organized into one party we’ll have a hell of a time and forget what Obama is doing to the country.

"I won."

"I won."

“If the Dulles Feds would ship all the booze, porn and meat products to the Dallas strip club and the adult film companies would bring their guys and gals plus the Octomom to the club, we could make a weekend party that would not only be saleable on DVD or downloadable off the Internet for big bucks, but we’d completely forget that Obama is making a complete disaster of our economy for years to come,” said Inebriated reporter Dusty Oldd-Boote, nursing a Jack Daniels and a grudge against the Democrats.  “Hell the event would stimulate the economy plus all of the participants. Come to think of it, we could probably get some government stimulus cash to fund the whole bash and establish a government website to distribute the video. I’m thinking StimulateAmerica.gov. Maybe we shouldn’t care what Obama is doing but go along with him and try to get a piece of the action ourselves.  It worked for the Clintons.”

Porn-made Obama

Porn-made Obama

Not everyone likes the ideas that Inebriated reporters come up with.  “It’s bad enough that the economy is in shambles and Obama is going to spend another couple trillion dollars on he and his cronies liberal ideas and saddle the country with socialism and massive perpetual debt and fraud, we sure don’t need to encourage the abandonment of the last vestiges of American ethics by partying with porn queens, octomoms and has-been newspaper men,” said Mildred Hightower-Flatbottom, an unusually attractive restaurant manager and part-time zealot.  “We should be fighting against the loss of American values including self-sufficiency, market driven economics, Judeo-Christian ethics and good common sense.  Now is not the time to give in to Chicago style politics and Pentagon bomber ethics.  Sure, I like meat, booze and sex too, but not in porno-styled theatrics or orgasmic Obama spending sprees.  Let’s settle down here.  All is not lost unless we let it.”

090302-vivid-pornotube-logos1The Chicago Sun-Times reported Nadya Suleman, the mother of octuplets born last month in California, received an offer of one million dollars plus a year of health insurance by Los Angeles-based Vivid Entertainment, the world’s largest adult film producer, if the unemployed 33-year-old starred in a porn movie. But rival porn company Pink Visual has responded by urging Suleman not to participate in the Vivid movie — and offered her a year’s supply of diapers for her octuplets if she turns down the offer. Pink Visual’s manager Kim Kysar said in a letter to Suleman that the company’s offer was being made as a gesture of “social responsibility.”

090302_pv_squarelogoThe rival porn offers puts Nadya Suleman, who has been at the center of a fierce debate in the media and medical arenas since giving birth to eight children last month, in the middle of a public relations spat involving rival purveyors of porn. The porn public relations offensive is the latest twist in the saga of Suleman and her octuplets, who were born on January 26. Her case has provoked outrage from health experts and the public after it emerged the babies were conceived through in vitro fertilization and that Suleman already had six children under the age of seven. Suleman was not immediately available for comment.

090302_gentlemens_clubs_dallas_b_w2The Wall Street Journal reported that just a short time ago, around the time he was turning 50, Michael Precker was in his prime as a journalist. A graduate of Columbia Journalism School, he was a foreign correspondent for 11 years in the Middle East and wrote feature articles on countless subjects for the Dallas Morning News. One year, the paper nominated him for a Pulitzer Prize. Now he has a new job: running a strip club. “I feel lucky,” he says. Mr. Precker’s career adjustment reflects the recent chaos of the newspaper business. Today he’s serving as the all-purpose manager of a 12-year-old establishment, called the Lodge. Mr. Precker’s new employer offers upscale food in a plush setting replete with a business center. Last year it won “Best Overall Club” at the Gentlemen’s Club Owners Expo in Las Vegas.

090302-meatNBC Washington reported that Customs and Border Protection officials at Dulles International Airport are reporting that they’ve seized an unusually high number of items from international travelers in the past week. The Feds confiscated a lot of smuggled international meat as well as porn and booze. Four pounds of pork sausage was seized. Much of the pornography collected centered around the very unfortunate thematic element of young children having sex. And the ones that only featured adults depicted these adults having sex with wild animals. And with regards to the alcohol, two bottles of vodka were brought in by a minor, from Germany.

090302-flying-moneys-b-wIn other news, NewsVine reported last week that Puerto Rico has found an unlikely solution to ease its surplus of pesky wild monkeys: ship them to Iraq. About a dozen patas monkeys will fly across the Atlantic on a commercial carrier in upcoming weeks, courtesy of the Baghdad Zoo, according to the Caribbean island’s Department of Natural Resources. Pundits once said that the United States wouldn’t abandon its ethics and capitalist ways until we saw monkeys flying in the Middle East.  So there you go.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

Source articles:

Porn bidding war over octomom

A Reporter Faces the Naked Truth

Explosion Of Porn, Meat, Booze Seizures at Dulles

Puerto Rico decides to ship wild monkeys to Iraq

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